I was in the process of writing a different article, one about how to live a life to be proud of, not one about saying goodbye. But, as with any grief journey, there are good days and bad and I’ll eventually get to that article, just not today. Today wasn’t the worst, but it could have been a better one. I’ve had more than a few not-so-great days this week. Because my blog just turned two, and June will be four years since my husband’s departure, I think it’s all made me a little sad, especially in the mornings when I try to write.
I thought I had a revelation this morning, but I was mistaken. I’ll get to that in a minute. I presumably thought I had missed out on a milestone for healing. One I thought, if I could put it behind me, it would definitely help me move on mentally and emotionally. So, after googling some ways in which to do this, and in the midst of a severe panic attack, I realized, to my complete surprise, that I had, in fact, already said goodbye. Let me explain.
The Search for Closure
I touched on this whole story once before in another article. This morning’s revelation was that I never actually got to say goodbye. Therefore, doing so now would allow me the closure to move forward. Once I googled the best ways to do this, according to other therapy sites, I came across a forum response. I’m sorry if I don’t credit the person who said this. I can’t even remember what forum it was, but the guy said, “You did say goodbye. Just remember all of the times you said goodbye before. You didn’t know if you would see each other again then.” This hit me like a ton of bricks.
Why Goodbyes Matter
Early in our marriage, we had a mutual friend lose his wife suddenly to a car accident on her way home from work. This incident shook the very foundation of our relationship in that we never wanted to part or leave each other without saying, “I love you.” After she died, we did say our last goodbyes every day and every night for many, many years. Everytime not knowing if it truly would be the last. Then it was.
The last time I saw my husband was the night before. It was just after midnight, and I woke up in my recliner next to his. He was awake and still watching TV. I said I was going to bed, and he replied, “Okay, goodnight.” Before I left the room, I kissed him purposefully, as I did every night before, and we both said, “I love you.” We ended exactly the way we both wanted, with love in our hearts and goodbye on our lips.
So this evening, I have a little more peace and, dare I say, maybe even some closure. Now, I have to figure out what to do with it. My point to this story is: Don’t take for granted that when you say goodbye to someone, it very well could be the last time you get to say it. Be okay with how you leave people who matter.
Preface: This is a warning that I have been trying to write something for a while, but I am all over the place.
Over the past couple of weeks, I have had so many thoughts and ideas about what I want to write about. I would start, then stop, and not finish anything. I kept coming to the breaking point. Furthermore, it always seemed like I had so much to say, but nothing coagulated into a coherent article. Hence, I’ve been dealing with so much, so many emotions. I’ve been in therapy for over a month dealing with feelings I’ve buried and, at the same time, feelings I’m experiencing now, but I don’t understand why.
One theme that kept returning to me is that I’m a widow at 50-something. What does that mean? What expectations are there for me? Do I really care about any of this? How can I begin to process and heal? The ultimate question….”Who am I now???” I decided to embark on a journey. A journey to heal. You can read more about that here.
Over the past couple of months, I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and self-actualization. I really attribute this to therapy and EMDR. Please reach out with any questions, I will be happy to guide you. It has truly saved me.
I’m a complete mixture of myself and this man I spent 23 years with. That’s it. I am him, and he was me. Now he’s gone; I’m just an amalgamation of us both. Therefore, he will always be in the very fiber of my being, but yet I have to leave and learn how to live without him.
While I understand, like every widow who came before and every widow who exists and will come after me, it’s a complex balancing act, sometimes faking, sometimes real, at the moment facing reality as it comes, and sometimes hitting that breaking point that rearranges everything. Finally, to all of you, I give you props and complete support because only you know what you are going through and what you need. Seek out those people. Hit me up if you have no one. I understand you.
Much love and thank you all for reading. I love you all. — xxooC
There was once a time not long ago when I never thought I would entertain any thought of another person other than my husband. When he left me in June of 2020 amidst a pandemic, in the middle of our new life together, in a new town, in a new state, it consumed me. The thought of moving on was paralyzing. This amazingly huge loss, this monumental life defeat, was all I could think about, night and day. So, after becoming somewhat stable, I embarked on a quest. One to find myself and reclaim anything left of the life I would have here without him in it. I certainly wasn’t looking to move on, although I unknowingly did.
For a while, not forgetting him and making sure no one else did was a large pillar as well. Then I found myself alone and right back where I started this journey, which wasn’t comforting at all. So, I opened myself up to the option of having someone else in my life. Shall we call it dating? Moving on? That’s up to you to decide.
If you’re a new widow or even an older widow (meaning you’ve been widowed for a while), I’m not going to tell you that you have a time frame for moving on, so to speak. What I will say to you from my own observations is that life gets lonely. Having someone there to support you, albeit not in the ways you once imagined for the rest of your life, isn’t too bad.
Of course, you may already know the benefits of being in a couple as you grow older. There’s been much study and research on this topic. One of the least important aspects is that couples are more observant of each other’s day-to-day habits and rituals and notice more when something becomes “off.” With that said, there are other benefits as well. We all benefit from human connection and touch. Just having someone to listen can surely lower blood pressure, ease stress, and help with a myriad of other things. When we eat with people, we are more likely to make better food choices, thus, in turn, keeping us healthy.
You see, it’s not necessarily about romance, just finding a suitable partner. Sure, if you find a new, budding romance, then that is a beautiful thing; however, as we age, compatibility is the motivating factor. Again, I’m reminded of one of my favorite TV shows, Sex and The City. I don’t remember what episode, but it’s in the last season when Carrie and Aleksandr are at her Vogue editor’s party, and Lexi falls out the window. The editor, Enid, explains to Carrie why the date Carrie brings is unacceptable.
The gist is that dating is brutal when we reach a certain age. Sometimes it can be humiliating. Finding someone who checks even half the boxes in a pool the size of a wading pond is exhausting, if not impossible. So, I say this with the all-knowing and empathetic view of being a widow of a certain age. Again, I don’t consider this moving on, just moving in general.
Now we enter the territory of after you may find someone of interest. I still want to honor my deceased husband’s memory. We were together for many years. So, how do I do this and still make my partner feel worthy? Sometimes, I’m always thinking about my husband. That’s a hard one. I haven’t mastered that one yet. It’s a balancing act; I won’t tell you anything differently. I honor my husband; sometimes it gets in the way of other things. I just say deal with it. I’m dealing with a lot more. Again I say, this is a process of moving on.
When you finally find someone you want to spend time with, there are ways to remember your deceased spouse and not offend the person you are with. After all, they knew somewhat what they were getting into when they also started spending time with you. I choose to talk about my husband and when the time and place strike me, I spread his ashes in locations across the US. It’s become my thing I want to do with him and if no one understands then I say…go away, let me be. I’ve spared enough people their feelings so far. Don’t spare mine, and I won’t yours. That’s the deal.
So I’ll leave you with this advice: if you feel you need companionship and the thought of being with someone else is appealing, then do it. There is absolutely no time limit for you to grieve and be alone. Only you can decide what timeline is correct for you, and there are no right or wrongs here. The easiest way is to join a social group or an online dating site. You can screen potential partners in the comfort of wherever you are. What I ask is that you please be safe about it. That means common sense things, like telling someone when you will meet someone new. Always meet in a public setting. Give someone else their number and profile so your safe person knows who you are with. Take all the precautions.
Things are not what they were when you met your spouse, and they are not what they were when you were raising your children. Be extra vigilant about whom you spend time with, and you can never have too many precautions in place should something go wrong.
Above all else, take things at YOUR pace. Don’t let someone else dictate what you should or should not be doing. Remember, you are vulnerable, and you are still healing. Take as much time as you need to feel comfortable in every situation, and know that it is okay to say NO at any point you feel you need to. Protect yourself, guard yourself because no one else will love you like you love you. I think that’s a Miley Cyrus song, but I digress.
Only you can choose the ways to remember your spouse or significant other. Only you know the ways to honor them most. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to start a memory board, book, or online journal—whatever way is best for you to remember them and keep them alive that feels good to you.
Share your memories. I’ll bet there are those out there who have memories of your beloved to share with you. Things you didn’t know or ways they touched someone else that you haven’t heard yet. Seek those people out. Listen and record their memories for you to hold on to. Social media is an excellent way to start. Other ways can be phone records, going through death announcement comments, flowers or donations received in their memory, business cards, and contacts. Unless your person was a really ignorant SOB that did nothing but piss people off, I’m sure you’ll find someone with a good story to tell.
In conclusion, you are the only one in charge of your life now. Fate has played it’s card and this is where you are. No holds barred, you say what goes and what doesn’t from this moment forward in your life. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting or compromising on what you believe to be true. The dating process is no different now. Just learn the precautions and you will be fine.
I once had the saying; “once you lose everything, anything is possible.” Still I believe that to some extent. Although I also believe we shape the new chapters of our lives in a way that will always honor those we’ve lost while forging a new trail to our hopes and dreams.
I encourage you to take some time, journal what you thought this journey would be like versus how you feel now. Take a hard look at what you want for the time you have left without your significant other versus how you would have spent it with them. What accomplishments can you make, how can you live a life of purpose and have a meaningful existence in their absence? These are all questions to ask and there is so much more discovery on your journey. Hit me back with any enlightenment. I love you all.
This year felt a little different going in. I don’t know why. As they say, the fog is lifting, and I’m beginning to see things clearer in my new life after loss. The one day I’ve been dreading quickly approached. As those closest to us know, Eric and I were married on Friday the 13th in 1998. He chose this day. It was the implication of it all. He loved the drama of being different and seeing others’ reactions. I loved that about him. Even so, the number 13 proved to be a good number for us in many ways.
The first year, in 2021, I took myself on a solo trip to the beach. The second year, I also spent away, visiting with friends. Last year was terrible. I went back to work full-time. Coupled with the day before a major holiday and being in retail were a recipe for disaster. I didn’t have the option not to work, and it turned out to be a horrible day, and I nearly lost my mind. So, this year, I decided not to work and do nothing at all or at least to keep my options open.
Later in the day, I did spend time with my daughter and grandsons, which brought me immense joy. I recently published coloring books for them and we colored for hours. (Click the link if you’d like to take a look at one.) Whereas I have only heard of art therapy for adults, this was my first time experiencing it. Not only was it enjoyable, but I also experienced meaningful mindfulness once I was able to let go of time. So, for those of you who have laughed at adult coloring being “art therapy” as I once did, I challenge you to revisit your thought process and give it a try. Indeed it was an enlightening event.
An Honest Confession
Meanwhile, I started therapy again (click here to read about my prior therapy experiences for grief and PTSD) and had my first **EMDR (which means Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) sessions the week prior, so I knew I was fragile. I did a lot of crying and a lot of talking out loud. None of it seemed to soothe me, though. Here I am, just short of four years into my grief journey, and my heart remains broken into a million tiny pieces. Although I mask it well. The only thing more apparent to me now is that I’m honestly on my own.
Conversation itself is much more about comforting others than it is about myself. It was odd at first, being labeled “single” after decades of marriage. All at once, I couldn’t say “my husband” anymore. Now it’s “my late husband” so as not to confuse people and inadvertently make them uncomfortable. Either way, as much as my heart longs for him, I am alone now. No one will ever understand me or get me as he did. I know this, and somehow, I’ve come to accept it. I have meaningful relationships and some fulfill me in ways my marriage never did.
Dating in this void is exceptionally challenging. “Single” now means I’m in my mid-50s, older, yes, wiser, no. Certainly, it all made me want to throw my hands up and say I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. Life after loss has left me traumatized and unstable. I now have to find my way to some kind of life. Before, I wasn’t looking long-term because, honestly, I didn’t think I would make it this long, yet here I am. So, these days, I am starting to think ahead. What does life look like for me in 3-5 years instead of just tomorrow?
What Lies Ahead in this Life After Loss
I started this blog as a self-help, primarily for myself and then for my readers. Undoubtedly, opening up about anything personal was scary as hell but I’ve also found it healing. Now, I’m still determining the direction to go with everything in my life. Every day is still challenging to face. Every day never promises anything. The reality is, most days, I am hopeful, although there are certainly days I am not. Those days I just move through the motions and the emotions. Even when I was traveling, moving forward sometimes was difficult, but it still had to be done.
My last few posts have been self-help articles about things I have an interest in as well as things I’m learning from writing my upcoming book. I hope you’ll stick with me through it all. Thanks for reading and all of your positive feedback. I love you all. –xxooC
**If you would like more info on EMDR you can click here to read more from the EMDR International Association. There, you will find answers to any questions about what it is, how it’s administered, and the benefits of therapy.
Welcome to the New Year. I hate social media, yet we live there, don’t we? Today I was reminded of a New Year past, from 2019—such a bittersweet memory with my husband. Nothing could touch us. We were on top of the world. Both of us were in a new position and a new house. We had a new community, and new friends with nothing but the world in front of us. Then, just as quickly as it came, it ended.
As with every new year, we envision something different. Some change that awaits us on the new horizon. I still have these same thoughts. Just as with all the New Year’s past, I too had hopes and dreams. Some of them may materialize, and others may dissipate into the wind. Expectations just boil down to what we are willing to work for and accept.
What Is The NOW?
My life is dictated. I have taken on a quest of responsibility. It is entirely by choice, yet it does dictate what I do. I am at peace with this decision, however often, I look to the future and what can be now and what can be.
As I continue into uncharted waters and things I had no idea I would encounter, I am reminded that the fog is lifting. It’s been 3 and a half years now. In this widows’ world I have been a victim of the confusion and self-doubt, and questioning everything is beginning to lift above my head. Many things are becoming more apparent to me. I dismissed so many things earlier or I did not know about what was happening around me. To that, I say, “Just wait.”…I have arrived. There will be a reckoning.
I see it. I see you. The situations I have put myself in and the people I have surrounded myself with have become abundantly clear that not all have been in my best self-interest. Rest assured, these, too, shall pass. Everyone shows their true colors eventually. The universe has left me here for a reason. I am still determining that reason, but I know I still have jobs to do before I am free.
What Will BECOME?
This year, I have not made resolutions or achievements I hope to accomplish. My thoughts remain more modest in that I want to make a difference. I want to make every person’s life I encounter better. The goal is to be a better person and ease someone’s suffering. I want to make it through the year. Sometimes, we get defeated. I’ve learned that’s okay. That is the moment we need to feel gratitude because there is someone else in this country and in this world who has less than we have. Whether it be the roof over our heads, the food in our stomachs, or knowing our loved ones are safe today, we are privileged if you identify with this.
So, I leave you with this: I don’t have a lot of hope for 2024, although it’s started well for me. Every day is a struggle. I know full well it is for some. Cherish what you have and think, pray for those that have not. We are just one paycheck away.
May you all have a blessed 2024. See you on the flip side. Thanks for reading —xxooC
I don’t know when I started to dislike Christmas. Somewhere around the time that being a small business owner of a tattoo/piercing studio was not profitable from October to Christmas became a reality. Birthdays and tax season were a big deal, but holidays just became a burden. There always seemed to be too little time to enjoy anything. Between shuffling around from family to family, shopping on a budget, and spending energy trying to be festive, my late husband and I just gave up somewhere. As our daughter got older, we stopped putting the tree up. We had long stopped giving each other gifts. So this was Christmas.
Then, the first grandson was born. There was so much excitement as we were in different places in our lives than when we owned the shop. We were making more money than ever and couldn’t wait to spend it on this precious, new blessing. We had just started to look forward to the holidays again. The unthinkable happened in the summer of 2020, just before the second grandson was born. All of the excitement and anticipation of what would be was just sucked right out the window for me. It’s been tough to even think of celebrating anything without him.
Christmas Present
As the boys get older, their memory of him is fading. The oldest tells the youngest about him. But as time puts distance between them, there are no more memories to recount. The existing memories are fading. Today, I watched two excited little boys open gifts on Christmas morning. It was a good Christmas morning. After all the excitement has worn off, I’m left with a deep sadness I can’t quite describe.
Looking to the future after a devastating loss continues to remain challenging. Everything I read at the beginning of this journey has proven untrue. The fog was supposed to lift after a couple of years. It’s just beginning to. I can feel it because realization is starting to set in. Getting through the holidays may never get any better. They will never be what I had hoped and expected just four years ago, or even just a year ago.
The Future
So next year will be different. I’ve decided to start a new holiday tradition. On Christmas Day, I am heading to a beach. Any beach will do. It could be a different beach every year. I don’t know yet. What I do know is that time keeps moving whether we want it to or not. Today, I mourn what would have been but never will be. This space I am in now is not a place or time I ever could have imagined for myself. It’s good, don’t get me wrong. It’s just not what I ever expected my life to be.
I find comfort in having my loved ones close to me. I cannot express how grateful I am for their support during the difficult times and unwelcome phases of my life. They were there for me with laughter, companionship, comfort, and acceptance. As we approach the end of the holiday season, whether you celebrate or not, I wish everyone peace, light, and love. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have these things, and I am grateful for what I have. With 2024 approaching, I am confident it will be my year.
The holiday season can be a challenging time of year for anyone who has lost a loved one. Whether due to a recent loss or one that occurred years ago, coping with grief during the holidays can bring up a range of emotions that can be difficult to navigate. I know it’s hard. Even though your loved one isn’t here, you still are. Here, we’ll explore some ideas for coping with grief during the holiday season. Here you’ll find ways to honor your loved one and take care of yourself.
Whether by creating new traditions or seeking support from loved ones, there are many ways to find comfort and peace during the holidays, even in the midst of grief. So, let’s dive in and discover some helpful tips for making it through the holiday season after losing a loved one.
Bring out Your Creativity
As I said, the holiday season can be challenging. But there are many ways to cope and find comfort and support. One way to honor your loved one is to create a unique ornament or decoration. One that represents them and place it on the tree or display it in your home. Clear glass or plastic ornaments that open can be found at craft stores. These are perfect for small mementos like fur, jewelry, or photos.
Honor and Remembrance
Lighting a candle in memory of your loved one during holiday gatherings or anytime you just want is a wonderful way to pay tribute. I light one often at night in remembrance of the loved ones I’ve lost. Another way to honor their memory is to create a memory box filled with items that remind you of them. Place it with decorations or in a special place as you share memories about them.
Take Some Time for YOU
Taking care of yourself during this time is essential. Make sure to get plenty of rest, eat well, and engage in activities that bring you joy. I know sleep is hard sometimes, especially when I have much on my mind. I read with a low light and burn some incense to wind down. The holidays may seem like a great time to throw all self-discipline regarding food out the window; however, now is the time to exert that discipline. You’ll feel better when the holidays are over, and exacerbating any health issues will be averted. Finally, do little things for yourself. A hot cup of tea or a little “me” time is a quiet, no-expense luxury.
GIVE BACK
Finally, consider volunteering, attending a support group, or seeking professional help if needed. Volunteering can be a great way to find gratitude and give back. A support group is helpful if you are comforted by being around people. Some are, some not, so don’t push yourself. There is a better time to get out of your comfort zone. Professional help can be a wonderful support. Contact your doctor for a referral if you need help finding a therapist.
Remember that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions and to take things slow. By caring for yourself and finding ways to honor your loved one, you can make it through the holiday season with peace and comfort.
Thanks for reading and I wish everyone not only a peaceful holiday season but I also wish you to find some joy. I love you all –xxooC
After I started working full-time last year, I could no longer travel as freely as I used to. I enjoyed being spontaneous and flexible with my trips, but with my scarce vacation days, I had to postpone my travel plans. This had me longing for travel, but it also inspired me to plan for future adventures. Being unable to discover new places and cultures was hard on my mental well-being.
I know I’m not the only one that enjoys traveling. Whether you are waiting for your next get-a-way or you’ve had to pause for a minute like I have. Here are some tips for finding ways to cope with the absence of travel and stay positive.
The Value of Travel Adventures
Why do we travel? Most often it’s to unwind from daily life and to explore new destinations. Traveling can also enhance our personal development, cultural awareness, and global outlook. When we go somewhere completely different it can help us to value different viewpoints. We also have the opportunity to examine our own lives and cultivate compassion for others.
After several of my own trips, I found that I came back invigorated and ready to create. Travel sparked my passion for writing and has helped to heal my soul after losing my husband. Getting away and experiencing a new way of life was tremendously enlightening.
Reliving Memorable Travel Moments
During this downtime of mine, I took the time to reminisce about past travel experiences and the unforgettable memories I’ve created. Whether it’s sipping coffee on a crisp morning in Colorado, exploring abandoned roads in California, or hiking through brush in the Sanibel, Florida preserves, these memories can transport me back to those special moments and inspire my future adventures.
Coping with the Absence of Travel
While I may not be able to travel right now physically, there are still alternative ways to fulfill my wanderlust. I’ve embraced virtual travel experiences such as virtual tours. Here is just one website called Taste of Home with an article by Laurie Dixon. In this article, you can find links to virtual tours of NASA, museums, cities, and much more. I have found them very exciting.
Online cultural events are a great way to experience different cultures. Cooking is another way to experience new places and cultures. These virtual experiences can provide a taste of different destinations and cultures from the comfort of our own homes.
Discovering Local Gems
Often, we overlook the beauty and wonder that exists right on our doorstep. Research local attractions, hiking trails, and off-the-beaten-path destinations. Discover hidden gems in your local surroundings.
I recently discovered, and have been exploring a new trail in my community. It runs alongside a creek and has quickly become my new walking spot. By exploring local businesses and communities, we can create meaningful experiences and appreciate the treasures in our own backyard.
Dreaming and Planning Future Adventures
I look forward to getting on the road again someday when my life and time allow. If you’ve put travel on hold for whatever reason, my advice is to stay positive and keep dreaming about future travel adventures and opportunities. Use this time to research destinations, create a bucket list, and plan itineraries for your future adventures. By envisioning future trips, we can stay hopeful and excited for what lies ahead.
While the longing for travel may be strong, it’s important to remember that this situation is temporary. By cherishing past travel memories, finding alternative ways to travel virtually, and embracing local adventures, we can nourish our wanderlust and remain hopeful for future adventures. Travel will return, and when it does, we will appreciate it even more.
Anxiety is a normal human emotion that everyone experiences from time to time however, when it becomes excessive and persistent, anxiety can interfere with daily life and lead to a diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder or “GAD” after my husband died in 2020. I’ve also written about my experiences with this disorder before. But now I want to talk about it more in-depth. In this article, we will explore the symptoms, causes, diagnosis, treatment, and coping strategies.
What is An Anxiety Disorder?
Generalized Anxiety Disorder is a mental health condition. It’s characterized by excessive and persistent worry, fear, and nervousness. GAD affects approximately 19% of adults in the United States. It is important to seek help if you think you are experiencing an anxiety disorder of any type. If left untreated, it can interfere with daily life and lead to other mental health conditions.
Signs and Symptoms
An anxiety disorder can manifest in physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms. Physical symptoms may include rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, and shortness of breath. My specific symptoms included all of these.
I also suffer from “panic attacks.” Panic disorder is another type of anxiety disorder and is a little different from GAD. More details on the different types later in the article. All create physical symptoms that are depleting and physically stressful. After each episode, my body felt completely exhausted and required time to heal.
Emotional symptoms may include excessive worry, fear, and nervousness. Behavioral symptoms may include avoidance of certain situations or activities. Just after my trauma, I was unable to drive. I found the expressways especially stressful and avoided them for months. It was only after therapy and learning useful calming techniques that was I able to venture back out.
Causes of an Anxiety Disorder
The causes of anxiety disorders are complex and multifactorial. One contributor is biological factors such as genetics, brain chemistry, and hormonal imbalances which may play a role. A second is environmental factors such as trauma, stress, and substance abuse may also contribute. Lastly, psychological factors such as negative thinking patterns and learned behaviors may also be involved.
My cause was trauma. Trauma from finding my husband’s body. That left me with a sense of insecurity about every facet of my life.
Getting a Diagnosis
Diagnosis is based on the presence of specific symptoms along with the exclusion of other medical or mental health conditions. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) outlines the diagnostic criteria for anxiety disorders.
Several types fall under this category which include generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder. Click on the link to learn more about each of these disorders. An anxiety disorder may also co-occur with other mental health conditions such as depression. I was also diagnosed with PTSD.
Treatments
Treatment may involve a combination of medications, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes. Medications may be prescribed to help reduce symptoms. Psychotherapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and exposure therapy may be used. These may help with learning coping strategies and overcoming fears. Lifestyle changes such as exercise, healthy eating, and stress reduction techniques may also be helpful.
My treatment included using antidepressants in combination with an anti-anxiety medication. I was lucky in that this combo worked for me. It’s important to note there is a waiting period after starting medications. This is to let the medicine build up and work in the body.
Coping Strategies for Anxiety Disorders
In addition to professional treatment, several coping strategies can help individuals manage anxiety disorders. Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and meditation can help reduce symptoms. Mindfulness practices such as yoga and tai chi can also be helpful. Exercise such as walking, running, or swimming can help reduce stress and improve mood. Social support from friends, family, or support groups can also be beneficial.
Anxiety disorders are a common mental health condition that can interfere with daily life. It is important to seek help if you think you are experiencing any type of anxiety disorder. Treatment may involve a combination of medications, psychotherapy, and lifestyle changes. Coping strategies such as relaxation techniques, mindfulness practices, exercise, and social support can also be helpful. Remember, you are not alone, and there is help available.
Treatment times may be short or long-term for success. Never lose sight of the end goal and that is to feel better and be more connected to the life around you.
Coping with the loss of a dog or beloved pet is never easy. Losing Malice was a very painful experience. One that many pet owners have had to face. The bond we share with our furry friends is truly unique, and losing them leaves an immense void in our hearts.
In 2009, Malice was born and three years later she came to live with us. Our last Chow had passed away about five years before that. It had taken my late husband all this time to get over the loss and decide that he was ready to embark on another furry adventure.
Our dogs are not just pets. They become cherished family members. When they leave us, the emotional impact can be overwhelming. It is important to acknowledge and understand the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Recognizing these stages can help us make sense of our emotions and begin the healing process.
The Time in Between
When we brought Malice home, as with any new friendship, it took time for everyone to become trusting of one another. But it didn’t take long before she was playing with her new feline buddies. This time in between dogs allowed Eric and our family time to cope and heal.
Allowing yourself to grieve is an essential part of healing. Give yourself permission to feel the pain and express your emotions in a healthy way. Whether it’s talking to friends and family who understand or joining support groups or online communities for pet loss, seeking support is crucial. Surrounding ourselves with people who empathize with our pain can provide immense comfort and solace.
Ways to Honor and Keep the Memory Alive
One of the ways in coping with the loss of a beloved dog is to honor your dog’s memory. This can provide a sense of closure. Consider organizing a memorial or tribute for your dog, where you can gather with loved ones to celebrate their life and reminisce about the happy times you shared. Creating a memory book or scrapbook filled with pictures, stories, and mementos can be a therapeutic way to remember your beloved dog and keep their memory alive.
I’ve collected photos and put them in a special folder on my desktop. It really brings a smile to my face to see pictures of her young and with other family members. I will always have a special place in my heart for this little soul. She brought my family so much joy during her time here.
Paying it forward can also be a beautiful way to honor your dog’s memory. Volunteer at local animal shelters or rescue organizations to help dogs in need. By sharing your love and compassion with other animals, you are not only giving back but also finding purpose and healing in the process. If possible, consider donating in memory of your lost dog to support animal welfare causes. This act of kindness can create a legacy for your beloved pet and help other dogs in need.
Take ALL the Time Needed
Just like losing Lucy last year, healing takes time. Coping with the loss of a beloved pet is a process that cannot be rushed. Permitting yourself to heal at your own pace is important with any loss. I know some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay. I’m allowing myself to experience the grief, but I’m also trying to find moments of joy and gratitude amidst the pain.
Odin has been a huge comfort during this time. I had another family member lose her dog earlier this year. She adopted right away. Adopting a new dog can bring immense joy and love back into your life. It doesn’t mean you are replacing your lost dog. But rather opening your heart to a new furry friend who can provide companionship and comfort.
Losing a dog or any pet is an incredibly heartbreaking experience. But it is possible to find solace and healing. Take the time to grieve, seek support, and honor your dog’s memory. Remember, healing is a personal journey, and it will happen at its own pace. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to experience the full range of emotions. When the time is right, consider opening your heart to a new dog and pay it forward to help other animals. Although your dog may be physically gone, their spirit will always be with you. I know Malice and Lucy are still with me.
I know, the title kind of doesn’t make sense but the feeling is real. Many aspects of my life seem to be moving backward while others are moving forward. I will somewhat always live in the past, that is true. But we are all forced to move forward with the passage of time. As I’ve said before, understanding and accepting this isn’t always easy.
Backwards
My move was settled about a month ago. It was anything but smooth. One would think it easier to take everything down three flights of stairs versus up however, that wasn’t the case. Also curiously, and although I tried really hard not to buy a ton of shit, I in fact, had a ton of shit. Stuff I had accumulated in the short time living in my tiny ass (600 sq. ft.) apartment in Chicago. Wow, I’m still scratching my head about that one.
I’m kind of still living out of boxes. Every day it seems I’ve lost something or can’t find something. And then I tear through boxes again thinking I should have labelled everything.
My new job is fun and I love my co-workers. With Christmas coming up, I am working more. Just for now though. Next year will be somewhat different. Due to the reasons I moved back, I don’t really know what next year has in store for me. I’m both anxious and uneasy about the future. I know there will be more tests to my mental health.
Backwards and Forward
A couple of weeks ago I went backward and forward again, simultaneously. I had to put Malice down. She was mine and my late husband’s husky. We adopted her in 2012 when she was three years old. She was a very unique soul. Watching her go was devastating. It was like losing another piece of Eric. I know she is with him. I felt it. I’ll make an article about her soon. I just haven’t gathered the right words yet.
In the mean time, here a few pictures of her. Her remaining years after my first move from Illinois back, were spent in Kentucky with Eric’s dad. She had a good life.
She was fun and smart. In her early years she was an instigator. She was always the cheerleader of bad doings at the dog outings. I always said she wouldn’t start the fight but she was right in the middle cheering it on. Malice pranced when she walked. She had a swagger of a diva. Lover of all things sparkly and anything that made her stand out. Shirts, sweaters, collars, bandanas, she loved to dress up. Oh and she sang. She had her favorite songs and if you’ve heard her then you know. I will miss her.
Forward
One final thing I wanted to share. I’m putting this out there for my own personal accountability. I am starting my own online publishing business. The business should be up and running in a few months. I’m heavily invested in this in all aspects. I’ve become so passionate about it and love it already. I’ll probably be posting less as I’m still learning the process, and writing of course.
Thanks for reading. I love you all –xxooC
Have you had a time where you felt you were moving both backwards and forward simultaneously?
I moved in with my late husband’s father in October of 2020. His wife passed some years before so he had been living alone. There was more than enough room for the two of us. I went in prepared for spiritual activity, knowing three people I know of that have died in that house. Surprisingly, not one paranormal event or anything unexplained ever happened. Nothing ever seemed “off.”
At the time I moved in, my father-in-law was caring for a very dear friend. William was already in a senior living community. And unfortunately he was homebound. He had played golf on frequent occasions with my husband. I became like family and was quickly recruited to do haircuts, light cleaning, and other random needed jobs. These two men were delighted to have my help and company. The companionship after my husband died was welcome to me as well.
Facing The Difficult Tasks
Then one April day, William calls and goes to the hospital. I didn’t go see him as my father-in-law went almost everyday, that I can remember. At last there was the call. I’m not sure who exactly was on the other end, I just vividly remember the conversation. As my father-in-law answered questions about Williams’ care, he looked at me sternly as to be asking my approval. “Yes, he can just come here. I have an extra bedroom in the back of the house.” was said.
William was brought to the house on a Thursday afternoon. As I said before, nothing out the ordinary ever suggested there was spiritual or a paranormal event that had ever happened there. I worked first hand with the nurses, nurses’ aides, and hospice. Friday was good, then Saturday was okay. Sunday was bad. Then, something happened.
Is This My Paranormal Event?
I woke up on Monday and felt a warmth and peace radiating from the wall I shared with the back room William was resting in. The air was charged and I could feel the static in it. My heart knew the transition was closer. The whole house felt otherworldly. This was the beginning of my paranormal event.
William left us on Monday. That evening as the sun set, the house was aglow with a warmth I’ve never felt before. It was peaceful and I could feel not only Eric, but others there also. As I went to bed that evening I lit the candle beside my bed. I light one every night for Eric. I have since he left. Only tonight I whispered “This one is for you William” and I went to sleep.
My Medium Reading
In the morning, everything was crisp and the air was heavy but back to normal. We carried on with our day like always. Then a friend of mine reached out. She had felt something. She gifted a medium consult for me just after Eric’s passing and it didn’t go well. My grief was clouding her vision so we left it for another time. My friend told me now was the time. So I scheduled another consult.
Now don’t get me wrong here, I believe in psychics and genuine readers and people who can see things most people can not. Some do have a gift but I’m always the skeptic. So I went into this highly skeptical. I was telling her about William and then she pauses. She asks if I have a candle by my bed. To which I simply replied “yes.” She tells me William says “Thank you for the remembrance. He appreciates everything you did for him and wishes he could have gotten to know you better than the short time you spent.”
I’ve had more than one instance in my life that brings tears and chills. I wanted to share this with you. This was one of the defining moments that made me start traveling. It’s unexplainable. But somehow it brought me comfort. There’s more to this story that I learned from the medium but that will be a story for another time.
So take care, and please share if you have any similar stories or anything paranormal you’ve encountered with loved ones.
Thanks for reading. (And I’m going old school with the pictures. Oldies but Goodies 🙂 –xxooC
