Tag Archives: #newyear

Personal Growth: Beyond Resolutions


graphing paper with text personal growth
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Personal Growth

I used to set out in the new year and have some grand plans to change a lot in my life. Then Spring time would come and either I had fallen away from the plans or they weren’t sustainable in my approach. Now I’m learning that an alternative approach to personal growth goes beyond resolutions and can lead to more meaningful and lasting change.

The start of a new year is an opportunity for a fresh start, and a chance to set new resolutions. However, despite the best intentions, many of us struggle to stick to these resolutions and end up feeling defeated. The problem with traditional New Year’s resolutions is that they often lack specificity, set unrealistic expectations, and have an all-or-nothing mentality.

The Problem with Resolutions

Resolutions fail when they lack specificity and a clear plan for achievement. Stating “I want to lose weight” without setting SMART goals or a roadmap for success is a common pitfall. Unrealistic expectations often result in disappointment and loss of motivation.

I used to pursue perfection, often feeling defeated by the slightest misstep. Embracing an all-or-nothing mindset proved detrimental, as a single mistake would derail my entire goal. Moreover, I’ve always been impatient, especially with endeavors that require time. I’ve come to realize that personal growth is a gradual journey, not an overnight transformation. Focusing solely on the outcome caused me to overlook my progress and feel disheartened by the lack of immediate results.

The Alternative Approach to Personal Growth

A more effective approach to personal growth is to focus on processes instead of outcomes. Additionally, focus on changing behavior. Do this by setting small, achievable goals backed by a specific action plan. I like SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound) goals. They help me map out a process and plan to get to my goal.

By focusing on the process, we can celebrate small wins along the way. We build momentum towards our larger goals while being kind to ourselves and emphasizing growth over perfection. By accepting that progress is not always linear, we can be more forgiving of ourselves and learn from our mistakes.

Practical Tips for Reimagining Your Approach

For myself, resolutions and personal growth plans aren’t just straightforward anymore. Before, I used to just make one profound goal with little thought or regard for what the process entailed. Now I focus more on what the result will look like in my life. How will this new goal benefit me once I’ve started new habits and ultimately achieved my end goal?

To reimagine your approach to personal growth, start by reflecting on the past year and identifying areas for growth. Then, set intentions instead of resolutions. Intentions are more flexible and allow for progress in small steps. Then, create a plan for achieving your intentions and track your progress tangibly and visibly to stay motivated. Celebrate small wins and recognize that personal growth is a journey, not a destination.

Conclusion

In conclusion, traditional New Year’s resolutions often fail because they are too broad, lack specificity, and set unrealistic expectations. An alternative approach that focuses on processes setting small and achievable goals and emphasizing growth over perfection can lead to more meaningful and lasting change. By reimagining your approach to personal growth, you can create a plan that works for you and celebrate small wins along the way. So, this year, ditch the resolutions and try a new approach to personal growth.

I’ve written my list. What’s yours?

Thanks for reading! Good luck in the new year with all you wish to accomplish. –xxooC

Reflections of the New Year: Navigating Uncharted Waters

The New Year

Welcome to the New Year. I hate social media, yet we live there, don’t we? Today I was reminded of a New Year past, from 2019—such a bittersweet memory with my husband. Nothing could touch us. We were on top of the world. Both of us were in a new position and a new house. We had a new community, and new friends with nothing but the world in front of us. Then, just as quickly as it came, it ended.

As with every new year, we envision something different. Some change that awaits us on the new horizon. I still have these same thoughts. Just as with all the New Year’s past, I too had hopes and dreams. Some of them may materialize, and others may dissipate into the wind. Expectations just boil down to what we are willing to work for and accept.

What Is The NOW?

My life is dictated. I have taken on a quest of responsibility. It is entirely by choice, yet it does dictate what I do. I am at peace with this decision, however often, I look to the future and what can be now and what can be.

As I continue into uncharted waters and things I had no idea I would encounter, I am reminded that the fog is lifting. It’s been 3 and a half years now. In this widows’ world I have been a victim of the confusion and self-doubt, and questioning everything is beginning to lift above my head. Many things are becoming more apparent to me. I dismissed so many things earlier or I did not know about what was happening around me. To that, I say, “Just wait.”…I have arrived. There will be a reckoning.

I see it. I see you. The situations I have put myself in and the people I have surrounded myself with have become abundantly clear that not all have been in my best self-interest. Rest assured, these, too, shall pass. Everyone shows their true colors eventually. The universe has left me here for a reason. I am still determining that reason, but I know I still have jobs to do before I am free.

What Will BECOME?

This year, I have not made resolutions or achievements I hope to accomplish. My thoughts remain more modest in that I want to make a difference. I want to make every person’s life I encounter better. The goal is to be a better person and ease someone’s suffering. I want to make it through the year. Sometimes, we get defeated. I’ve learned that’s okay. That is the moment we need to feel gratitude because there is someone else in this country and in this world who has less than we have. Whether it be the roof over our heads, the food in our stomachs, or knowing our loved ones are safe today, we are privileged if you identify with this.

So, I leave you with this: I don’t have a lot of hope for 2024, although it’s started well for me. Every day is a struggle. I know full well it is for some. Cherish what you have and think, pray for those that have not. We are just one paycheck away.

May you all have a blessed 2024. See you on the flip side. Thanks for reading —xxooC

letter tiles beside mandarins
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Grief in a New Year

New Year, New Memories

Another holiday season has come. This year will soon be gone and a new year will be here. And just like all the others, 2022 will be a memory. I’ll add it to the memories I’ve made after trauma and loss. Grief in a new year. In this new world I’m forging for myself, I have constant little reminders of loss. I’ve always said we cry for the living. Just recently I was reminded of this.

I was on my way to work, which is where I usually do my talking and crying to those I’ve lost. That’s when the thought reoccurred to me…this was all for ME. Just after Eric left I remember thinking there was no way he would actually leave me. He wouldn’t just abandon me here, alone. Somehow, some way he would communicate. He wasn’t really gone. Now I know that’s part of acceptance and bargaining. It seemed like such a real hope.

Anyway, in that morning crying session, I realized something deep. I am alone. In a bold instant, I knew the crying is for me. I cry for the people I love and aren’t here anymore. I’m crying for MY loss, because I know they are in a better place. Whether they come and visit me, I don’t know. I would like to think so but ultimately I don’t know. I know everyone has different beliefs and faiths regarding death and that’s fine. I’m not here to discuss that. I accept we truly don’t know anything. No matter what one believes the truth is, tears are for the living. An expression of loss. Loss in the lives of those left behind.

my christmas plant grief in a new year

Grief in a New Year

As I was looking through photos from holidays gone by, I kept thinking about the lives gone. I guess because Eric was the first person I’ve lost which I’ve known the longest, I now have a different prospective on life. The question “is this all there is,” kept lingering in my thoughts. I spent 26 years with him. Now there is no more. How profound to realize there are no more photos. There will never be another memory. And as I’ve said before, time just changes and reorders my mind.

In the early days after loss, I remember thinking I would give anything to go back and have just an hour in my old house with my husband, my daughter small again, Lucy on my lap. The feeling was real, I could close my eyes and imagine it, almost touch it. Now as more memories are put between that time and now, the memories are less tangible. That too is loss and makes me sad. I can’t quite get the same feeling or imagine the moment with such preciseness. But as I am learning, this is what time continues to do.

The holidays have a way of bringing many emotions. Joy, peace, sadness, loss, it’s all in there. All wrapped up. Then New Year’s arrives. Then boom. Time changes again and I’m back to face grief in a new year, new circumstances, new memories, and a new time. So to all of you reading this I say to you, take it all in and enjoy the moment. Cry, laugh, scream, or just sit quietly. May you all have a wonderfully blessed 2023. I love you all. xxooC