Tag Archives: #death

A Paranormal Event

September 17, 2023 The Blue Widow 2 Comments

An Old House with a History

I moved in with my late husband’s father in October of 2020. His wife passed some years before so he had been living alone. There was more than enough room for the two of us. I went in prepared for spiritual activity, knowing three people I know of that have died in that house. Surprisingly, not one paranormal event or anything unexplained ever happened. Nothing ever seemed “off.”

At the time I moved in, my father-in-law was caring for a very dear friend. William was already in a senior living community. And unfortunately he was homebound. He had played golf on frequent occasions with my husband. I became like family and was quickly recruited to do haircuts, light cleaning, and other random needed jobs. These two men were delighted to have my help and company. The companionship after my husband died was welcome to me as well.

Facing The Difficult Tasks

Then one April day, William calls and goes to the hospital. I didn’t go see him as my father-in-law went almost everyday, that I can remember. At last there was the call. I’m not sure who exactly was on the other end, I just vividly remember the conversation. As my father-in-law answered questions about Williams’ care, he looked at me sternly as to be asking my approval. “Yes, he can just come here. I have an extra bedroom in the back of the house.” was said.

William was brought to the house on a Thursday afternoon. As I said before, nothing out the ordinary ever suggested there was spiritual or a paranormal event that had ever happened there. I worked first hand with the nurses, nurses’ aides, and hospice. Friday was good, then Saturday was okay. Sunday was bad. Then, something happened.

Is This My Paranormal Event?

I woke up on Monday and felt a warmth and peace radiating from the wall I shared with the back room William was resting in. The air was charged and I could feel the static in it. My heart knew the transition was closer. The whole house felt otherworldly. This was the beginning of my paranormal event.

William left us on Monday. That evening as the sun set, the house was aglow with a warmth I’ve never felt before. It was peaceful and I could feel not only Eric, but others there also. As I went to bed that evening I lit the candle beside my bed. I light one every night for Eric. I have since he left. Only tonight I whispered “This one is for you William” and I went to sleep.

My Medium Reading

In the morning, everything was crisp and the air was heavy but back to normal. We carried on with our day like always. Then a friend of mine reached out. She had felt something. She gifted a medium consult for me just after Eric’s passing and it didn’t go well. My grief was clouding her vision so we left it for another time. My friend told me now was the time. So I scheduled another consult.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I believe in psychics and genuine readers and people who can see things most people can not. Some do have a gift but I’m always the skeptic. So I went into this highly skeptical. I was telling her about William and then she pauses. She asks if I have a candle by my bed. To which I simply replied “yes.” She tells me William says “Thank you for the remembrance. He appreciates everything you did for him and wishes he could have gotten to know you better than the short time you spent.”

I’ve had more than one instance in my life that brings tears and chills. I wanted to share this with you. This was one of the defining moments that made me start traveling. It’s unexplainable. But somehow it brought me comfort. There’s more to this story that I learned from the medium but that will be a story for another time.

So take care, and please share if you have any similar stories or anything paranormal you’ve encountered with loved ones.

Thanks for reading. (And I’m going old school with the pictures. Oldies but Goodies 🙂 –xxooC

beach at sanibel island florida a paranormal event

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Living With Less. The Stuff That Matters

August 27, 2022 The Blue Widow 7 Comments

Starting With Less

I bought my first home when I was 26 years old. I felt like I was on top of the world. It was a two bedroom condominium in Old Louisville. Two stories with a total of five rooms. Nothing extravagant but it was mine and it was nice. I started out living with less stuff, but quickly started to accumulate things.

I had that place for about a year before moving to my next home in Shelbyville, Kentucky where I lived for 21 years. That house was a modest three bedroom, two bath and about 1400 square feet. Then it was all about the stuff. The stuff we unknowingly put away and store and before I knew it, stuff was everywhere. To the point it was clutter. And clutter was everywhere but still I wanted more.

Living With More

I have nice things. I’ve had nice things. Vehicles usually were used when I purchased them but I’ve had my shot at buying off the showroom floor. That was an experience. Before my husband died, I recognized the struggle in me to want more. Of course I was humble for what I had, or so I thought. But in the back of my mind, I always wanted more. I knew it was time to clean out, but living with less was not a consideration at this point in my life. I wanted better. More money, more stuff, something nicer, better quality, there was always something material I wanted. I discovered this about myself.

Long before he died, Eric made the comment “If anything ever happened to you, I would just walk out of this house, leave everything and never look back.” That has stuck with me. It echoed in my head when I sat in my huge new house in Normal, Illinois all alone. The move to Normal was for a job opportunity. Then we were making more money than we ever had in our lives. We often joked that we kinda felt like we had “made it” and were on our way to a better life, whatever that meant.

living with less moving from kentucky to illinois. packed up belongings sitting in my living room

Learning to Live With Less

So there I sat. With nothing but things left around me. Everything that really mattered about my life in Illinois was gone. Nothing mattered anymore except getting back to my family. So I did. The things meant nothing. They were a representative of a life I didn’t have and I didn’t want the reminder. I sold or gave away a lot. I still have a lot that needs to go.

Then I started traveling. I was already living with less but after my first few trips I quickly learned what I needed to take care of myself. I tried to travel even lighter. As most women know, overpacking is a thing. I always had the philosophy of “you can never pack too many clothes or shoes!” I always took the biggest suitcase and it looked like it was ready to pop a zipper, always. That was me. I was that girl.

Shedding things has made me less stressed. Then I started to look for ways to cut down on the beauty items. I’m still working on that. When I get there I’ll let you know but the point is, I’m down to a small duffle bag and that includes everything including my hair styling tools. I don’t need much these days and I’m always looking for ways to reduce what I carry with me.

the back of my truck all packed up for another adventure

Some Things I Kept

What I did find however, is that I need some sense of “home” with me. I have started collecting jewelry. It’s my treat. Instead of new curtains or a picture for my home, I add something I adore that I can wear. Usually a bracelet. On my right arm. So I can see my accomplishments and reminisce about my travels.

I never thought I’d be where I am. I am thankful for what loss has taught me. Things don’t matter. Let me say that again…Things don’t matter. Things are to enjoy but they definitely don’t bring happiness. Oh how cliché that sounds but it’s so true. I just had to learn the hard way.

I think I was comfortable. My existence wasn’t challenged until it was. Now I know what I need to survive and still be comfortable, although comfort is a luxury. I’ve been uncomfortable but now, just a place to sleep and good food are truly appreciated. I guess what I’m trying to say is until my whole way of life changed, I wasn’t as humble as I thought I was. I’m passing on my lesson learned. Thanks for reading. xxooC

living with less the collection of bracelets and charms on my right wrist

Thoughts on living with less? Have you decluttered recently? I’d love to hear from you!

Destinations, Thoughts and Notes

Past and Future Collide

August 23, 2022 The Blue Widow 4 Comments

Past and future

As some of you know, and many of you don’t, I am a HUGE fan of electronic music of all genres. I discovered an upcoming show by a DJ I like and have seen before. He was coming to my old hometown of Bloomington, Illinois. So I bought tickets. The show was this past weekend.

This show was significant only in the fact that this would be my first trip back to Bloomington since last June. This trip was going to bring me face to face with my past and future.

Every trip I made back between June 2020 (when my husband Eric died) and June 2021 was super painful. So much so I just avoided going. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love Bloomington/Normal and I enjoyed every day of the year+ I lived there. But going back to the place of my trauma brought up all kinds of painful memories.

But I decided now was time. Not to confront these emotions, fears, and trauma but the time to stop running from the slightest encounter with triggers. I’ve been in avoidance mode for far too long. I really didn’t give much thought to going beforehand. Anxiety and nervousness were there though. I could feel it rising.

marquise at the castle theater in bloomington illinois past and future

The past

The trip turned out to be exactly what I needed for my future growth. While there, I was reminded of a time just after his passing. I visited a retail store from my previous employment to pick up a few things. Trying to get in and out unnoticed proved unsuccessful. While chatting with a man I had spent some time on the sales floor with, he retold the story of losing his husband.

I had heard this story several times in my previous retail life but now it meant something different as I listened intently. The story was now more personal and I could feel his pain in a very different way. I was still in the first few waves of paralyzing grief. “Still in the fog” as they say. I remember, all I kept thinking was “how is he still standing here?” Then my thoughts went to “how did he get from where I am to where he is?”

So I asked. What was the turning point? His answer surprised me. He replied “I just got tired.” “Tired of feeling this” as his hand waved over his face and chest. I didn’t know what that meant at the time.

The future

Fast forward to now. A received a comment on another article of mine. A family member very close to me has also had significant loss in her life, including the loss of her spouse. His passing was shortly after my husband’s. She is still clinging to her grief. After this weekend of revisiting my past and the life I lost, I realized I am tired. Grief will always be my companion. But I’m tired of it dictating my life and my thoughts. I am tired of the physical and mental anguish. Yet I feel guilt for wanting to let go of the drowning, grief stricken feelings. Those are my badges that remind me of the deep love I still have for the souls I’ve lost.

So where do I go from here? I’ve gone from “waiting to die” to “maybe today will be good.” I made this transition purposefully and willingly. Sure the grief and trauma come back but I have developed a few tricks of my own. Grief has all kinds of surprises. I’m quite sure it has more in store for me. This trip was a win and I feel really good about it. That’s progress. xxooC

ducks by a pond in normal illinois past and future

Destinations, Thoughts and Notes

Things I Wished I Had Said

August 19, 2022 The Blue Widow 5 Comments

An Idea Becomes Reality

My late husband Eric was never one to have anyone to make a fuss over him. His birthdays were never a big deal. I am absolutely positive he wouldn’t want his death to be a big deal either. But yet I felt I had to do something for the community he spent half his life in. I wished I had done something sooner, but something is better than nothing. So I organized a memorial/celebration of life. Since I’ve been spreading his ashes all across the country, I thought it only fitting that he be in Shelbyville, Kentucky also. The place where he worked and spent so much time with friends and family. Where he golfed, fished, and all of the other hobbies and things people do in their lives to spend time.

The Anxiety Begins

Since the moment I picked a definitive day and formally created the event, I felt anxious. Anxious for two reasons. One that my anxiety would go off the rails and two, that the whole thing would become something he wouldn’t approve of. The goal was to honor him and remember him, not mourn him but celebrate the impact of this great person on the peoples’ lives he touched. I think he would have liked that.

As the event drew near I became unhinged. There were times I wished I had not planned this thing. My anxiety was worse than it had been in over a year. It still is, even after this is all over. I want to talk about this because I am not the only one. I know many that struggle with anxiety. The hows and the whys it rears it’s head are still a mystery to me. Unexpected and unexplained are my panic attacks.

What I Wished I Had Said

Anyway, the event came and went. After the fact, I realized that there were things I wished I had said. Anxiety had me paralyzed leading up to the whole thing. In the moment, I didn’t really say anything about him. So here it is. Eric was a great human being. Only after his passing did I realize what an impact he made on so many. I still hear stories about things I knew nothing about. To me he was just Eric. My husband. My hero, my cheerleader, my partner, my companion. As with most couples, we argued, we grew as individuals together as well as growing as a couple together.

Our lives changed but we seemed to thrive on change. Stagnation was our weak point. Eric was insecure about himself. He didn’t see himself as a leader yet he challenged people to be better. He was the biggest asshole I know but he was so funny when he was. Most days he acted like he didn’t have a care in the world but he worried about everything. To the point he had problems sleeping. This is the man I knew. He was human, an inspiration.

Afterthoughts

I know he meant a lot, to a lot of people. I think we all have it in us. That spark that lights up someone else. Just when you think no one is looking they are and you just might be someone else’s inspiration, hero, role model, teacher, friend and not even know it. Even in death he has challenged me to think about what people will say about me when I’m gone. I hope I live up to the challenge.

Thanks for reading. xxooC

the tree at lake shelby where I spread Eric's ashes. I wished I had said more

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Reconnecting After Grief

June 7, 2022 The Blue Widow 6 Comments

The Grieving Process

the stages of grief, reconnecting after grief

Grief has no time limit. I’ve heard that a lot. I’ve also read there are stages to grief. Some professionals say there are 5 stages, some say 7 stages. I’m not trying to tell you some doctor has all of the answers. Personally I think it’s all garbage because every person is different. Every person deals with grief in their own way and no way is right or wrong. My personal opinion however is that grief never leaves. So I wanted to talk about the struggle of reconnecting after grief.

I chose to limit my world. I disconnected from just about everyone and everything. My psyche had to. My journey is much different than most but still I walk the path with everyone else suffering with loss in one way or another. Grief is grief.

quote from the after glow reconnecting after grief

As you know, this blog isn’t about me reconnecting to anything really. It’s about putting my own personal journeys out there because well, I was asked to. Maybe not by you in particular but the one reoccurring statement I kept hearing was “I would love to do what you’re doing. You should write about it.” And so I realized I was doing something I had always wanted to do but life gets in the way of the best intentions and dreams. When all of those things I valued in life were shattered into a million pieces, I simply started doing what made me feel ok in that moment.

Reconnecting to Possibilities

When Eric and I first visited Sanibel Island, Florida all those years ago (about 22 years ago I think), the internet wasn’t what it is today. Review sites didn’t exist. There were still hard copy guest books in the condos. I remember reading an entry from someone who had stayed in our condo for 4 weeks prior and I thought to myself, “where would one be in life to be able to just go and stay a month on the beach?” What would that take to be possible, as working remotely also wasn’t a thing back then. I had a child, 2 jobs, a husband, a house, numerous animals and lots of other obligations in my young adult life. That thought has always stuck with me until I had none of those things any more. Ok, well maybe the animals. They keep multiplying no matter what I do.

Reconnecting After Grief

My decision to travel also came with a price. Reconnection. Reconnection to the world and to people I wasn’t sure I was ready for. I found reconnecting to anything in my prior life extremely difficult and uncomfortable. That’s why my very first trip to Sanibel Island was Traveled Alone. I knew the place. I loved it. It was solitude. A place to recharge and make some important discoveries and decisions about the direction I wanted to go next. None of those things actually happened of course. I spent most of the time crying, and drinking, and crying some more. And then drinking some more. What did happen though was I met two women. They were both widows. They didn’t know each other, I met them each at separate times.

One was a sales associate in a toy store. After her loss, she packed up and moved across Florida. She started a life where no one knew her. She keeps in contact with her children and grandchildren but that’s it. The other was a real estate agent. She too sold or donated everything she owned, packed up and moved to a different city to start over.

I would have never met either of them if I hadn’t shared my story first. Even though their events were distant memories of a life long gone I could still see their buried, very familiar pain. This made me wonder, am I really going to ever get “better” or does time simply change the physical circumstances? I still don’t have an answer to that question. But each of them figured out what was needed to reconnect to something. That gave me a shred of hope.

What Reconnecting Looks Like Now

When we have nothing anything is possible. I try to remind myself of this frequently. Don’t even get me started on the “stuff” aspect. Decluttering and my views on “things” in general have shifted 180* since moving in 2019. I think that might be another post eventually.

My point is this, reconnecting is hard but sometimes necessary. After loss, it’s even more difficult and deeply personal. I’m taking one connection at a time. There was a time when I couldn’t. At all. Not today. Then tomorrow came and maybe it was just one person. Now I’ve become good at navigating multiple people on a daily basis but I don’t make apologies when I can’t. Oh, and internally nothing has really changed from day 10, to day 100, to day 450 in my grief journey. I’m not some rock star and I haven’t gotten anything figured out. I may look like I have a lot of fun on my adventures and I do. I also still do a lot of crying and that’s ok.

I’m not the same person I was before June two years ago. I don’t have the same relationships I did then. Some are better, some not so much. Some not at all. That’s ok too. With reconnecting comes discovery and acceptance. If you too are on a journey where you’re finding it hard to connect, know your people are out there. You just may not have connected yet. What’s been your struggle?

Thanks for reading. xxooC

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Saying Goodbye, When You Really Can’t

May 21, 2022 The Blue Widow Leave a comment

Saying Goodbye is Hard

Let’s face it. Goodbye seems so final. Unless you really don’t like someone but that’s not what this is about. A quick Google search led me to an article in Scientific American about the meaning of the word goodbye and why we say it. “It’s a contraction of “God be with ye,” which conveys a blessing or prayer or hope that the person upon whom it’s bestowed will travel safely.”

I’ve always avoided saying goodbye to anyone because the word just seemed infinitely not what I wanted to say, ever. So instead of saying goodbye, I would say “until next time.” It’s more fun and doesn’t have an ending. It connotates “until I see you again” which may or may not ever happen. It also has a light, airy feeling about it. Way more fun and easy.

Water with rocks and birds. Saying Goodbye

What happens when you can’t say goodbye because you didn’t? And now you can’t. Now, today is a situation in which you will never ever see this person again. Well, let me tell you from experience that you start over thinking every last words that were said between you. Then it hits you, no matter how much you wanted it to be there, there was no goodbye.

What Now?

Again I ask, so what now? Endless days of guilt evolve and play out. Coulda-shoulda-woulda is a constant companion. Until one day enough is enough. Yes, we are talking about me but I know I am not the only one. I am not the first to experience what I have experienced, and I know I will not be the last. I recognize there is nothing at all special about me or my circumstance. All I can do is tell you my story and hope it helps someone.

The Answer is NOT the Answer

I don’t have any answers. I spend every day saying goodbye all over again. I’ll never get that chance back but I have to find a way to live with that and it not eat me from the inside out. In the end, it really doesn’t matter to anyone else now that there was no saying goodbye. But we didn’t.

All we said was “I love you” instead. Because you see, we had friends experience something similar to this but it was early on in our relationship. One of them died, unexpectedly. We talked about it a lot. It almost haunted us for a couple of weeks. We never wanted that to happen to us. So we decided never to go to bed, hang up a call, or part ways without saying “I love you.” So I guess in a sense, we did say goodbye. And on most days, that gives me peace.

Me walking on the beach on Sanibel Island Florida. Saying goodbye to the day.

Thanks for reading my ramblings. I love you all. XxooC

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Spreading Ashes -Our Final Journey

May 15, 2022 The Blue Widow 8 Comments

Before the Spreading:

Spreading ashes. Wow, this topic is so personal. Widows I’ve met and everyone in my grief groups agree this to be a taboo topic. Everyone has a different idea of what is “ok” to do with human cremains. I knew I wanted to do something to honor him. I didn’t want to just leave him in a jar on top of whatever dresser. But what felt right? We never talked about these sorts of things but I feel after spending 23 years together, I have a pretty good idea of what he thought and felt about everything.

I carried him around for a while, (in the urn and then eventually in a small baggie) before spreading his ashes. When the time came, I started in SoCal. Then it all did just feet right.

During the Spreading:

San Bernardino, the scene of so many raves and so many great memories we shared. I took him to Hard Summer on his birthday in July 2021. It was just a few minutes before midnight and I was beyond incoherent. I suddenly remembered I had planned on spreading his ashes, at least the part I had brought with me. I had tucked him into my shoe and was pretty much walking around on him the whole night. Did I mention I was beyond wasted?? Anyway….

The pond at NOS Center for Hard Summer 2021

Me and my friends Sam and Kristian at Hard Summer 2021 before spreading ashes

With my friends Sam and Kristian, we headed to a spot Eric and I had frequented on our journeys there. We found the smallest of spots in the earth that wasn’t covered in astroturf and I spread him there. Under a tree. There to rest and party with all that comes next. It brings a gentle smile when I see someone else post a picture of that spot.

The pond NOS where we liked to go during a show

Eric and I at Escape Show in San Bernardino 2018

After that, I realized he would not want me to hoard his ashes. Now I carry him everywhere I go. We had never went to Colorado although it was on the list of places to visit. After climbing past the tree line on Mt. Antero, I knew this was a place he should be. So I left him there too.

Mt Antero where I spread my husband's ashes

Next up was another Colorado visit. This time to Denver and Red Rocks. Red Rocks was on the bucket list. What made this special was one of his favorite artists BTSM (Black Tiger Sex Machine) was playing their final show for 2021. The same show I had booked tickets in Chicago for in April 2020. The show was canceled due to Covid. He was so disappointed. So when this show was announced, I knew I needed to take him. Here Kristian and I are again. I know he would have loved it.

If you’ve ever been to Red Rocks you know there isn’t much earth. Some dusty areas here and there. We picked a spot between two trees.

Peace of dusty ground at Red Rocks where I spread my husband's ashes

I know this is super dark, but it’s all we got!!

The next spot I felt called to was Sanibel Island, Florida. Eric and I had spent a couple of vacations there in the early 2000’s. They were good memories and I had made some more of my own great memories there since then, so I waited until the new moon and spread him at dusk.

The beach where I spread my husband's ashes

Sand in Sanibel Island, Florida where I spread my husband's ashes

In January this year, Groove Cruise 2022 came. Eric and I had passed up the opportunity to take this cruise twice already. I booked it. Not knowing what to expect or how I was even going to get there. I took him. I decided to spread him on the beach in Freeport, Bahamas. We had never been there but I knew when I set foot on the beach that he would have loved it and he was definitely there in spirit. We all felt him.

This is Sam and I and I feel like there is a picture floating around out there somewhere. This photo is taken close to where we left him. The beach itself was nothing spectacular. The vibe however was something indescribable.

Sam and I on the beach in Freeport, Bahamas before spreading ashes

The next spot was completely unexpected. The Cascade Canyon Wye, his third place in Colorado. It was completely spontaneous yet so beautiful I couldn’t not.

At the Cascade Wye during the spreading of my husband's ashes

Me spreading my husband's ashes at the Cascade Wye in Colorado

After the Spreading:

After this, I always take a little of Eric with me wherever I go. I know he would think what I’m doing is the coolest thing ever. He was such a free spirit. I plan to hit up some of his usual places eventually. Spreading him has made me feel lighter, freer and more peaceful.

So that’s it for now. I’ll update you whenever I decide a place is worthy. I’ve been to quite a few places I feel like I should have and didn’t, but now that’s just an excuse to go back. Thanks for reading and please leave me feedback. I love hearing from you!

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Traveling Alone. A Personal Story.

May 10, 2022 The Blue Widow 18 Comments

Why I’m Traveling Alone

Hi there, I think it’s time we address this topic. Yes, I have been traveling alone for the past 2 years. I decided early on that I would never turn down an invitation. That means I am usually en-route to see friends or family. I believe getting there is half the adventure!

Me at Cascade Canyon Wye, Colorado. Traveling alone.

Yes…undoubtedly there are some of you I haven’t gotten to yet. My apologies and promise I will reach out to see you soon!!

I believe what few understand is the trauma surrounding grief. There is a lasting physical and mental trauma that no matter how much medication and therapy it never goes away.

I won’t mince words here. In June 2020 I was stricken with unbelievable panic disorder, PTSD, and complicated grief. The best one can hope for is to bury it, disguise it, learn to function throughout the day to appear normal on the surface. Subsequently I’m still working on all of that. I can’t say I’ve found the answers to anything. What I did know is I had to keep moving for my own sanity. Make no mistake, I mean moving not moving forward. Moving forward after loss is still a concept I haven’t made sense of nor pretend to understand.

Sanibel Island beach, florida. Traveling alone

Sunset in Venice, Florida. Traveling alone

The Beginning of My Journey

My first trip booked was to Sanibel, FL by way of Venice, FL. To quote my therapist “the only person stopping you is you.” The most profound words I have ever heard. I booked the trip and off I went. It was scary, it was liberating, it was self serving, it was eye opening.

Salt Flats outside Sale Lake City, Utah. Traveling alone in my truck.

Salt flats outside Salt Lake City, Utah. Traveling alone in my truck.

The next trip was out west. I thought well…”if I can do Florida, I can do the west coast.” And again, off I went. I journeyed to Redding, CA, then to San Bernardino, CA (which may turn into another post hopefully) and as a result, has led me to even greater adventures.

On the road in Colorado. Traveling alone.

How It’s Going- Traveling Alone

Now, for those of you wondering where and what I’ve been doing, here’s a little run down. From California in late summer 2021, I ventured up to Portland and Bend, Oregon. I made a mini road trip to Seattle, Washington. I’ve been to Buena Vista, Colorado Springs, and Denver, Colorado. I fit in a quick trip to Chicago, IL. I even went to visit my people in middle Illinois that summer too. Hey peeps I see you!! I’m absolutely positive I left some places out.

I used to hate driving but now I love it. It’s really all about time. Driving is annoying and counter productive when time is limited and valuable. Whenever time is no longer a factor, driving can surprisingly be the best way to get around. I can take whatever I want and stay as long or as little as I want.

Wintering in Florida

After the summer adventures out west, I traveled again to Florida in the fall. I was fortunate enough to see the keys for the first time in my life. It was in late 2021 and I kept thinking “why have I not been here sooner?” Key West and Key Largo were absolutely amazing and beautiful beyond words. I am grateful to be able and to have experienced these life changing spaces and moments. I wish this for everyone, I truly do. Go live your life, on your terms.

Me laying on the beach in Sanibel, Fl. Traveling Alone.

Traveling Alone in 2022

In January of this year I attended Groove Cruise out of Orlando, Florida. I drove down and met friends then traveled over to the coast. We cruised from Port Canaveral to Freeport, Bahamas and back. And that trip my friends is a WHOLE nother story!

In February and March I made another road trip back out west. California and Oregon again. All of this wouldn’t be complete without mentioning Kansas City, Missouri. It’s my jumping point to Colorado and the west. Additionally, I’ve fallen in love with the city and continue to go there.

The squad out for the night on Mariner of the Seas. Groove Cruise 2022

The squad in an elevator on Mariner of the Seas. Groove Cruise 2022

Shows and Festivals

I’ve done two full on, multi day festivals, Hard Summer 2021 (2 days) and Groove Cruise 2022 (4 days). Groove Cruise was on Royal Caribbean’s Mariner of the Seas. Hard Summer was in San Bernardino, California. I’ve seen a couple of small shows in Chico, California.

What’s Happening Next

In the near future, I’m visiting Forecastle Fest in Louisville, KY for one day only. There’s a trip planned to Las Vegas in the summer and then who knows, perhaps California again. Besides Forecastle, I’m looking at Hard Summer again in July although there is nothing definitive yet.

Later this year I also have Escape Psycho Circus in SoCal already on the books for Halloween. The first one since Eric left. It was his favorite festival above all others. After that, who knows. My schedule is filling up quickly.

Lastly, there has been talk of snowboarding in the fall and winter to prepare for an Alaskan heli/cat skiing trip in February 2023.

If there is anything you want to specifically see or to see me do, write me. Share me with your friends. Please give me feedback, I want to hear from you. Love you all! Xxoo C

Destinations, Uncategorized

Train Ride From Durango

April 28, 2022 The Blue Widow Leave a comment

About The Train and The Ride

When my good friend says “hey, I want to ride this train up in Durango so I booked us some seats” you say yes! I had no idea what it was or what I was getting into. Easter Sunday came and off we drove from Pagosa Springs to Durango.

Now let me tell you a little bit of what I learned about this train ride. Apparently it’s famous, and it’s one of the most scenic tours. This train, railroad, and the station are all national historic landmarks. A quick history search which can be found Here says the town of Durango was established by the Denver & Rio Grande Railway which arrived in Durango in the late summer of 1881. The train was used to haul passengers and freight. To visit the main page go to DurangoTrain.com

The main engines are coal fired steam and all of the rail cars are restored antiques, each with their own stories.

the durango train ride steam engine stopped at the cascade canyon wye

The page goes on to tell how it came to be what it is now. I also learned there is more than one train used for these excursions. There is also a museum and restoration/maintenance facility for the cars right on sight. Rail services include multiple types of rides with different destinations depending on your interests. Prices are reasonable. Seats are available in economy and first class. We took first class on the Alamosa car and it was truly a memorable ride.

where our train ride stopped and turned around. — Our trip went to the Cascade Canyon Wye and back, about half way to Silverton.

Train Ride Half Way Point

At the Cascade Wye we stopped for lunch. There was a scenic little picnic area to relax. This was also the place to take photos of the train, and go exploring for a bit. We found an old bridge.

river under bridge at cascade canyon wye, train ride

The views from the bridge were breathtaking. The whole trip was actually. The train tracks hug the canyon wall with a sheer drop off to one side of the train. This allowed spectacular views and lots of photo opportunities.

train tracks back into durango on train ride

The Way Back To The Station

On the way back to the station, I tagged along with another couple that wanted to walk the inside of the train cars. I’m so glad I did. We made it all the way up to the first car. Here are some photos I took along the way.

metal roof inside rail car — This was the roof of one of the cars. This was definitely a vibe.

glass roof inside rail car — This was the roof of one of the cars. This was definitely a vibe.

Surprisingly the cars moved around more on the tracks
up towards the engine.

Here are some shots from around Durango and the station. I stayed and had lunch at a little taco place that was a whole other story. I would definitely take another ride and I hope to do this again someday.

Thanks for reading!

An Old House with a History

Facing The Difficult Tasks

Is This My Paranormal Event?

My Medium Reading

Share this:

Starting With Less

Living With More

Learning to Live With Less

Some Things I Kept

Share this:

Past and future

The past

The future

Share this:

An Idea Becomes Reality

The Anxiety Begins

What I Wished I Had Said

Afterthoughts

Share this:

The Grieving Process

Reconnecting to Possibilities

Reconnecting After Grief

What Reconnecting Looks Like Now

Share this:

Saying Goodbye is Hard

What Now?

The Answer is NOT the Answer

Share this:

Before the Spreading:

During the Spreading:

After the Spreading:

Share this:

Why I’m Traveling Alone

The Beginning of My Journey

How It’s Going- Traveling Alone

Wintering in Florida

Traveling Alone in 2022

Shows and Festivals

What’s Happening Next

Share this:

About The Train and The Ride

Train Ride Half Way Point

The Way Back To The Station

Share this:

From loss to living. This is my story.