Tag Archives: #holidays

So This Was Christmas: Finding Peace Amidst Grief

Christmas’s Past

I don’t know when I started to dislike Christmas. Somewhere around the time that being a small business owner of a tattoo/piercing studio was not profitable from October to Christmas became a reality. Birthdays and tax season were a big deal, but holidays just became a burden. There always seemed to be too little time to enjoy anything. Between shuffling around from family to family, shopping on a budget, and spending energy trying to be festive, my late husband and I just gave up somewhere. As our daughter got older, we stopped putting the tree up. We had long stopped giving each other gifts. So this was Christmas.

Then, the first grandson was born. There was so much excitement as we were in different places in our lives than when we owned the shop. We were making more money than ever and couldn’t wait to spend it on this precious, new blessing. We had just started to look forward to the holidays again. The unthinkable happened in the summer of 2020, just before the second grandson was born. All of the excitement and anticipation of what would be was just sucked right out the window for me. It’s been tough to even think of celebrating anything without him.

Christmas Present

As the boys get older, their memory of him is fading. The oldest tells the youngest about him. But as time puts distance between them, there are no more memories to recount. The existing memories are fading. Today, I watched two excited little boys open gifts on Christmas morning. It was a good Christmas morning. After all the excitement has worn off, I’m left with a deep sadness I can’t quite describe.

Looking to the future after a devastating loss continues to remain challenging. Everything I read at the beginning of this journey has proven untrue. The fog was supposed to lift after a couple of years. It’s just beginning to. I can feel it because realization is starting to set in. Getting through the holidays may never get any better. They will never be what I had hoped and expected just four years ago, or even just a year ago.

The Future

So next year will be different. I’ve decided to start a new holiday tradition. On Christmas Day, I am heading to a beach. Any beach will do. It could be a different beach every year. I don’t know yet. What I do know is that time keeps moving whether we want it to or not. Today, I mourn what would have been but never will be. This space I am in now is not a place or time I ever could have imagined for myself. It’s good, don’t get me wrong. It’s just not what I ever expected my life to be.

I find comfort in having my loved ones close to me. I cannot express how grateful I am for their support during the difficult times and unwelcome phases of my life. They were there for me with laughter, companionship, comfort, and acceptance. As we approach the end of the holiday season, whether you celebrate or not, I wish everyone peace, light, and love. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have these things, and I am grateful for what I have. With 2024 approaching, I am confident it will be my year.

Thanks for reading. –xxooC

two gray and beige gift boxes beside gray metal lantern so this was christmas
Photo by PhotoMIX Company on Pexels.com

Beat the Blues During The Holiday Season:

5 Simple Self-Care Practices for The Holiday Season

The holiday season can be a challenging time for many people. I have never been a big fan of Christmas. Due to the pressure of buying gifts, the stress of traveling, attending family gatherings, and the expectation to feel happy and joyful. The shorter days, colder weather, and lack of sunlight can lead to negative emotions and depression. Being employed in a job that revolves around the holiday season can also add to the stress. It is essential to acknowledge that these feelings are normal and valid, and it is possible to cope and receive support. In this article, you’ll find five simple things you can do to manage your mental health better during the holidays, which can have a significant impact on your mood.

1. Meditation

One way to manage your mental health during the holiday season is to incorporate meditation into your daily routine. While I was in EMDR therapy, my therapist asked me to think of a place that made me feel calm and safe. (Read more about my journey here.) She asked for a place I had recently visited and could vividly picture in my head. After focusing on this place for just a few short minutes, I could calm my breathing and whole body.

balance blur boulder close up
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Take a few minutes each day to sit quietly and focus on just your breath or something relaxing. This simple technique can significantly impact your mood and overall well-being. Meditation can help reduce stress and provide many other beneficial features. There are many different types of meditation, so it’s important to find one that works best for you. A few types of are guided meditation, mantra meditation, and mindfulness meditation. Click on any link to read more about each. Meditation can be powerful for improving your mental health and finding peace during the hectic holiday season.

2. Keep a Gratitude Journal

Start a gratitude journal during the holidays. Acknowledging what you’re grateful for can be another easy way to improve your mental health and overall well-being. I have a couple of ways to incorporate gratitude into my stressful days. One is with a small gratitude book with prompts. I also use meditation to focus on the people, things, and experiences I have had, which make my life more joyful.

white notebook and pen
Photo by Jessica Lewis on Pexels.com

Reflecting on what you are grateful for can help you shift your focus from anxious thoughts and feelings to positive, relaxing ones. It’s easy to get caught up in the stress and chaos of shopping, cooking, and entertaining. Taking the time to appreciate the small things in life can make a big difference. Your gratitude journal can be as simple as a notebook where you write down three daily things you are thankful for. Whether it’s a warm cup of tea, a hug from a loved one, or watching a sunset, focusing on the good in your life can help you feel more content and at peace.

3. Make Time for Yourself

The holiday season is often filled with activities and social obligations that can be overwhelming and exhausting. Just after my daughter was born, I had multiple family gatherings to attend and gifts to buy. I felt a lot of stress and anxiety about attending everything and also preparing a modest Christmas morning celebration for my family. And did I mention I had a newborn? Making time for yourself during the holidays can also help to maintain good mental health and well-being.

a tealight in a ceramic candle holder
Photo by Olha Ruskykh on Pexels.com

It’s important to remember to give yourself permission to take a break and prioritize your own needs. A relaxing bath, reading a book, or walking can help you recharge and feel more centered. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to handle the demands of the holiday season. You will also enjoy the time spent with loved ones. If you find this one difficult, ask a loved one for support. Remember, self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary.

4. Just Say No

As I’ve said, the holiday season can come with a lot of pressure to attend events, buy gifts, and participate in various activities. However, it’s also important to remember saying no is okay. As my daughter got a little older, I eventually just had to say no to some obligations. It all became too much for her and me. You don’t have to attend every party or buy expensive gifts to show your love and appreciation for others. It’s essential to prioritize yourself, and sometimes that means saying no to certain obligations. Saying no can be empowering and liberating, allowing you to focus on what truly matters. Enjoy the holiday season in a way that feels fun and fulfilling to you. Remember, you are in charge of your own boundaries, and it’s okay to set them.

5. Adjust Your Expectations

Lastly, adjusting our expectations is sometimes necessary to avoid disappointment and stress during the holidays. Getting caught up in the idea of having the perfect holiday with perfect gifts, decorations, and experiences is easy. One year, I went into a full-blown panic attack on Christmas Eve after I put everything under the tree. Did I get enough? Will she be happy with what I got her? It was too late to do anything about it now. All these thoughts led me to not enjoy just being with my family on Christmas Eve.

Striving for perfection can lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction. Instead, try to focus on creating meaningful memories and experiences with loved ones. This can be done through simple traditions or quality time spent together. Adjusting your expectations can help you enjoy the holiday season more fully and reduce stress and anxiety. Remember, the holiday season is about being present and appreciating the people in your life, not about perfection.

Remember, the holiday season should be fun and bring you joy. I hope these tips help make everyone’s holidays do just that. Enjoy! Thanks for reading. –xxooC

black scissors beside brown and white gift box
Photo by Boris Pavlikovsky on Pexels.com

Just A Quick Note

A Status Update

Just a quick note to update everyone. I’ve been working so much lately because of Christmas it’s been almost impossible to sit down and write. To the contrary, a lot has been on my mind. When I do sit down and actually write something, an outpouring of emotion is all I get. Nothing tangible I can place in an article. I lost a dear friend over Thanksgiving weekend. I’m still trying to process this.

With all of that being said, this quick note is to let everyone know that writing is still in the forefront of what I enjoy doing in my spare time. The holidays have a way of forcing reflection. Whether it be what was lost or what is still here. Somehow, this time of year is just special. If I don’t get something out in the next couple of weeks, I wanted everyone to know I am still here. Settling in in Chicago has been both interesting and fun. I’m in the Logan Square neighborhood which is NNW of the city, but still considered “the city.” Nothing like a completely new way of life to get my mind off many things. I was just saying the other day that sitting still is now a luxury. How quickly I forgot how it feels to have a whole day to do nothing.

my christmas plant in my new apartment

I’m in and out so much I decided to do a Christmas plant instead of a tree!

This post marks a milestone for my blog too. It’s my 50th post. So after the holidays and things settle down a bit, I plan on getting back to writing more. In the future, I will tell you more about Odin. He is such a joy to have around.

So Happy Holidays to all my friends and family. I love you all and thank you for following my journey. It’s far from over and I have so many more adventures, thoughts, and ramblings to share with you so please stay tuned. xxooC

Me and Odin at home just a quick note