Tag Archives: #california

Feeding My California Love

July 19, 2022 The Blue Widow 2 Comments

How My California Love Started

My love for California started six years ago. I flew in to Ontario airport for the Nocturnal Wonderland Festival in the hills outside San Bernardino. The drive to the hotel was almost an hour. I remember thinking the landscape looked similar to Las Vegas but then it didn’t. That weekend changed my life because of the magic that happened there in the Glen Helen Amphitheater. Since then I have journeyed back to San Bernardino four more times.

Over the past year, I drove to Redding twice. Once for another festival and then just to go. For the festival, I drove from Redding to San Bernardino and back. It was a trip of a lifetime and again, magic happened. During this trip I fell deeper in love with California. Since then I have since longed to see more of this beautiful state.

The Los Angeles Tourist

Last month I flew to Los Angeles for the Tattoo Convention in Pamona, CA. From there I took a three day trip to LA and San Francisco. Let me tell you I saw so many sights in those three days my head was overwhelmed. I am so happy and grateful just to take it all in.

I know I will not get to these in the order I visited but each was super special. First stop was Venice Beach where breakfast at the Sidewalk Cafe was simply something out of a movie. Which by the way, I caught the filming of a movie and a commercial. I have no idea what they were, but I am excited to see if I ever come across them in real life.

venice beach mural in parking lot california love

From there I walked the beach to the pier and back. The ocean smell filled the air. Muscle beach and the skate park distinctly stood out among the landscape. I saw lots of smaller attractions like the world’s smallest front yard and the Venice city sign at the entrance on Windward Avenue. I keep reminding myself, more photos, more photos.

scene from standing on venice fishing pier in venice california love

skate park on venice beach california love

More California Love in LA

Then it was on to Rodeo Drive. I didn’t shop but I did walk it. So many places to see in such a short time. A quick stop at the Original Farmers Market in The Grove. Michelina had the best sweet snack before heading to the original Cookies Dispensary on Melrose Avenue.

tiffany and co california love on rodeo drive

me standing on rodeo drive with california love

Melrose included more shopping but I won’t bore you with those details because next was West Hollywood and the walk of fame. Grauhman’s Chinese Theater was so intriguing. Moments marked in time by present and passed individuals that somehow left their mark on this city’s entertainment industry.

street sign from rodeo drive in los angeles

sweets from Michelina in the farmer's market in los angeles

The trip wouldn’t be complete without the Hollywood sign and of course a Beverly Hills street sign. My last stop before heading to San Francisco, was the Public Art “Urban Light” exhibit next to the Museum of Art. The light exhibit there was the backdrop of some of Gucci’s street show last year so I had to visit. This concluded Monday and Tuesday morning.

Leaving Los Angeles

The drive to San Francisco was about five and a half hours long. The scenery on Interstate 5 was familiar until 580. I feel like Northern California has a distinct vibe that is much different than Southern California. I had that “aha” moment again like “why have I not been here before?” I find my internal dialogue saying that a lot.

My Short Stay in San Francisco

San Francisco was a lot to take in. Again, I wish I had taken more photos. My host and gracious guide made sure I saw the important places including The Golden Gate Bridge, Chinatown, and the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood.

One of the highlights was when I stopped for some fruit at the Haight Street Market. Next door to the market was a red building. I noticed about five people stopping to take photographs so I took one also. Later I learned this was The Red House. The site of Jimi Hendrix apartment while he lived in San Francisco in the 60’s.

haight street market and jimi hendrix red house

original ben and jerry's in san francisco

I’m absolutely positive I’m leaving some places out. My time in lovely city was less than 24 hours but it left it’s mark on me. The city has a vibe I’ve never felt any place else I have ever been.

So that’s it for now. I hope you enjoyed the trip with me. Please comment, ask questions, all that stuff. Love you all. xxooC

Destinations, On The Road

Tattoo Convention in Pamona, CA

July 16, 2022 The Blue Widow Leave a comment

Arriving for the Tattoo Convention

I had the good fortune of traveling to California recently. The Body Art Expo in Pamona, California was in June and I attended with my good friend and tattoo artist Rich Shires of Tattoo 42 in Beaverton, Oregon. Flying into LAX on Saturday evening was an experience in itself. I’ve flown into Ontario, California’s airport plenty but never LAX so this was a new adventure. Anyway, I arrived and off I went. Sunday came and the convention was more exciting than I anticipated.

Now I’ve attended many a convention in my former life of a tattoo shop owner but never like this. I was a guest of Tattoo Wrap so I spent quite a bit of time around this booth. Compared to other conventions I have attended, this one was warm and welcoming. I met a lot of friendly people along the way.

Sights To See

It’s been a minute since I was at a tattoo convention. Performance artists were not a thing back in the early 2000’s but now they are everywhere from conventions to festivals and I love all of it. Suspension by flesh is an art and has always fascinated me. I was just starting to research the mechanics of it when we sold our shop in 2011. I guess you could say this is on my bucket list so I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity if it presented itself.

The performance artists were from Phoenix and wow, did they put on amazing shows. Below are a couple of videos. I made these videos rated R so be prepared to see flesh pulling and some blood. You have been warned. The shows were fabulous.

My Take Aways

There were many vendors beyond tattooers. Tattoo suppliers, t-shirt makers, jewelry makers, and other vendors were there. I can also say it had a distinct So Cal vibe to it.

I’m grateful to have been able to experience this. After attending the convention, I had a whirlwind tour of Los Angeles which will be coming in another post so stay tuned. Thanks for reading xxooC

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Spreading Ashes -Our Final Journey

May 15, 2022 The Blue Widow 8 Comments

Before the Spreading:

Spreading ashes. Wow, this topic is so personal. Widows I’ve met and everyone in my grief groups agree this to be a taboo topic. Everyone has a different idea of what is “ok” to do with human cremains. I knew I wanted to do something to honor him. I didn’t want to just leave him in a jar on top of whatever dresser. But what felt right? We never talked about these sorts of things but I feel after spending 23 years together, I have a pretty good idea of what he thought and felt about everything.

I carried him around for a while, (in the urn and then eventually in a small baggie) before spreading his ashes. When the time came, I started in SoCal. Then it all did just feet right.

During the Spreading:

San Bernardino, the scene of so many raves and so many great memories we shared. I took him to Hard Summer on his birthday in July 2021. It was just a few minutes before midnight and I was beyond incoherent. I suddenly remembered I had planned on spreading his ashes, at least the part I had brought with me. I had tucked him into my shoe and was pretty much walking around on him the whole night. Did I mention I was beyond wasted?? Anyway….

The pond at NOS Center for Hard Summer 2021

Me and my friends Sam and Kristian at Hard Summer 2021 before spreading ashes

With my friends Sam and Kristian, we headed to a spot Eric and I had frequented on our journeys there. We found the smallest of spots in the earth that wasn’t covered in astroturf and I spread him there. Under a tree. There to rest and party with all that comes next. It brings a gentle smile when I see someone else post a picture of that spot.

The pond NOS where we liked to go during a show

Eric and I at Escape Show in San Bernardino 2018

After that, I realized he would not want me to hoard his ashes. Now I carry him everywhere I go. We had never went to Colorado although it was on the list of places to visit. After climbing past the tree line on Mt. Antero, I knew this was a place he should be. So I left him there too.

Mt Antero where I spread my husband's ashes

Next up was another Colorado visit. This time to Denver and Red Rocks. Red Rocks was on the bucket list. What made this special was one of his favorite artists BTSM (Black Tiger Sex Machine) was playing their final show for 2021. The same show I had booked tickets in Chicago for in April 2020. The show was canceled due to Covid. He was so disappointed. So when this show was announced, I knew I needed to take him. Here Kristian and I are again. I know he would have loved it.

If you’ve ever been to Red Rocks you know there isn’t much earth. Some dusty areas here and there. We picked a spot between two trees.

Peace of dusty ground at Red Rocks where I spread my husband's ashes

I know this is super dark, but it’s all we got!!

The next spot I felt called to was Sanibel Island, Florida. Eric and I had spent a couple of vacations there in the early 2000’s. They were good memories and I had made some more of my own great memories there since then, so I waited until the new moon and spread him at dusk.

The beach where I spread my husband's ashes

Sand in Sanibel Island, Florida where I spread my husband's ashes

In January this year, Groove Cruise 2022 came. Eric and I had passed up the opportunity to take this cruise twice already. I booked it. Not knowing what to expect or how I was even going to get there. I took him. I decided to spread him on the beach in Freeport, Bahamas. We had never been there but I knew when I set foot on the beach that he would have loved it and he was definitely there in spirit. We all felt him.

This is Sam and I and I feel like there is a picture floating around out there somewhere. This photo is taken close to where we left him. The beach itself was nothing spectacular. The vibe however was something indescribable.

Sam and I on the beach in Freeport, Bahamas before spreading ashes

The next spot was completely unexpected. The Cascade Canyon Wye, his third place in Colorado. It was completely spontaneous yet so beautiful I couldn’t not.

At the Cascade Wye during the spreading of my husband's ashes

Me spreading my husband's ashes at the Cascade Wye in Colorado

After the Spreading:

After this, I always take a little of Eric with me wherever I go. I know he would think what I’m doing is the coolest thing ever. He was such a free spirit. I plan to hit up some of his usual places eventually. Spreading him has made me feel lighter, freer and more peaceful.

So that’s it for now. I’ll update you whenever I decide a place is worthy. I’ve been to quite a few places I feel like I should have and didn’t, but now that’s just an excuse to go back. Thanks for reading and please leave me feedback. I love hearing from you!

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Traveling Alone. A Personal Story.

May 10, 2022 The Blue Widow 18 Comments

Why I’m Traveling Alone

Hi there, I think it’s time we address this topic. Yes, I have been traveling alone for the past 2 years. I decided early on that I would never turn down an invitation. That means I am usually en-route to see friends or family. I believe getting there is half the adventure!

Me at Cascade Canyon Wye, Colorado. Traveling alone.

Yes…undoubtedly there are some of you I haven’t gotten to yet. My apologies and promise I will reach out to see you soon!!

I believe what few understand is the trauma surrounding grief. There is a lasting physical and mental trauma that no matter how much medication and therapy it never goes away.

I won’t mince words here. In June 2020 I was stricken with unbelievable panic disorder, PTSD, and complicated grief. The best one can hope for is to bury it, disguise it, learn to function throughout the day to appear normal on the surface. Subsequently I’m still working on all of that. I can’t say I’ve found the answers to anything. What I did know is I had to keep moving for my own sanity. Make no mistake, I mean moving not moving forward. Moving forward after loss is still a concept I haven’t made sense of nor pretend to understand.

Sanibel Island beach, florida. Traveling alone

Sunset in Venice, Florida. Traveling alone

The Beginning of My Journey

My first trip booked was to Sanibel, FL by way of Venice, FL. To quote my therapist “the only person stopping you is you.” The most profound words I have ever heard. I booked the trip and off I went. It was scary, it was liberating, it was self serving, it was eye opening.

Salt Flats outside Sale Lake City, Utah. Traveling alone in my truck.

Salt flats outside Salt Lake City, Utah. Traveling alone in my truck.

The next trip was out west. I thought well…”if I can do Florida, I can do the west coast.” And again, off I went. I journeyed to Redding, CA, then to San Bernardino, CA (which may turn into another post hopefully) and as a result, has led me to even greater adventures.

On the road in Colorado. Traveling alone.

How It’s Going- Traveling Alone

Now, for those of you wondering where and what I’ve been doing, here’s a little run down. From California in late summer 2021, I ventured up to Portland and Bend, Oregon. I made a mini road trip to Seattle, Washington. I’ve been to Buena Vista, Colorado Springs, and Denver, Colorado. I fit in a quick trip to Chicago, IL. I even went to visit my people in middle Illinois that summer too. Hey peeps I see you!! I’m absolutely positive I left some places out.

I used to hate driving but now I love it. It’s really all about time. Driving is annoying and counter productive when time is limited and valuable. Whenever time is no longer a factor, driving can surprisingly be the best way to get around. I can take whatever I want and stay as long or as little as I want.

Wintering in Florida

After the summer adventures out west, I traveled again to Florida in the fall. I was fortunate enough to see the keys for the first time in my life. It was in late 2021 and I kept thinking “why have I not been here sooner?” Key West and Key Largo were absolutely amazing and beautiful beyond words. I am grateful to be able and to have experienced these life changing spaces and moments. I wish this for everyone, I truly do. Go live your life, on your terms.

Me laying on the beach in Sanibel, Fl. Traveling Alone.

Traveling Alone in 2022

In January of this year I attended Groove Cruise out of Orlando, Florida. I drove down and met friends then traveled over to the coast. We cruised from Port Canaveral to Freeport, Bahamas and back. And that trip my friends is a WHOLE nother story!

In February and March I made another road trip back out west. California and Oregon again. All of this wouldn’t be complete without mentioning Kansas City, Missouri. It’s my jumping point to Colorado and the west. Additionally, I’ve fallen in love with the city and continue to go there.

The squad out for the night on Mariner of the Seas. Groove Cruise 2022

The squad in an elevator on Mariner of the Seas. Groove Cruise 2022

Shows and Festivals

I’ve done two full on, multi day festivals, Hard Summer 2021 (2 days) and Groove Cruise 2022 (4 days). Groove Cruise was on Royal Caribbean’s Mariner of the Seas. Hard Summer was in San Bernardino, California. I’ve seen a couple of small shows in Chico, California.

What’s Happening Next

In the near future, I’m visiting Forecastle Fest in Louisville, KY for one day only. There’s a trip planned to Las Vegas in the summer and then who knows, perhaps California again. Besides Forecastle, I’m looking at Hard Summer again in July although there is nothing definitive yet.

Later this year I also have Escape Psycho Circus in SoCal already on the books for Halloween. The first one since Eric left. It was his favorite festival above all others. After that, who knows. My schedule is filling up quickly.

Lastly, there has been talk of snowboarding in the fall and winter to prepare for an Alaskan heli/cat skiing trip in February 2023.

If there is anything you want to specifically see or to see me do, write me. Share me with your friends. Please give me feedback, I want to hear from you. Love you all! Xxoo C

Destinations, Uncategorized

Three Bridges in California

May 4, 2022 The Blue Widow 4 Comments

About Three Bridges

This past February, I was fortunate enough to get back out to Redding, California. I spent a couple of weeks with my good friends Sam and Kristian. One day Kristian wanted to show me a few of her favorite spots in Shasta-Trinity National Forest north of Redding, especially this one particular place where three bridges stood.

Basically, lots of old pieces of bridges remain throughout the state. As the interstate flourished, these relics were blocked off and forgotten about. But at one time, these old bridges were the life and arteries connecting cities and towns. Some remain in use but many are abandoned and subsequently nature is reclaiming them.

What makes this place is so amazing was because we could stand in one place and view three different bridges. Two were still in use and one was not.

an old bridge still in use with I5 bridge above it — The bridge on the bottom is the old I-5 and the one on top is the new I-5.

In the photo above, looking directly to my left was this bridge. It was another road which no longer exists on the map. It’s remnants ran from the parking lot, across this bridge and dead ends under the new I-5.

The site of the three bridges on the map — This is where this spot is located in case you ever get a chance to visit.

The Abandoned Bridge

The photo above is the bridge to no where. Dirt and trees have taken over this road and it is lost just beyond this photo.

Under the bridge, off in the distance on the left side of the stream, is where the old road dead ends. At some point earth was piled up, or maybe some sort of land slide happened which completely covered it long ago.

water running from a tunnel under abandoned bridge

These views were from standing on the old bridge and looking over. I wasn’t brave enough to venture inside nor did we have time that day.

wider angle view of old bridge still in use and newer I5 bridge above it. 2 of the three bridges

An Abandoned Bridge

There was water running under the unused bridge. Nearby on the map was Boulder Creek which runs into the Sacramento River. I’m not quite sure where this water was coming from. This spot was secluded with the distinct sound of running water, with the occasional noisy car or truck sounds from overhead. I found it peaceful. I hope you enjoy my pictures! Thanks for reading.

Blue Widow Chronicles

Tag Archives: #california

Feeding My California Love

How My California Love Started

The Los Angeles Tourist

More California Love in LA

Leaving Los Angeles

My Short Stay in San Francisco

Tattoo Convention in Pamona, CA

Arriving for the Tattoo Convention

Sights To See

My Take Aways

Spreading Ashes -Our Final Journey

Before the Spreading:

During the Spreading:

After the Spreading:

Traveling Alone. A Personal Story.

Why I’m Traveling Alone

The Beginning of My Journey

How It’s Going- Traveling Alone

Wintering in Florida

Traveling Alone in 2022

Shows and Festivals

What’s Happening Next

Three Bridges in California

About Three Bridges

The Abandoned Bridge

An Abandoned Bridge

From loss to living. This is my story.

How My California Love Started

The Los Angeles Tourist

More California Love in LA

Leaving Los Angeles

My Short Stay in San Francisco

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Arriving for the Tattoo Convention

Sights To See

My Take Aways

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Before the Spreading:

During the Spreading:

After the Spreading:

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Why I’m Traveling Alone

The Beginning of My Journey

How It’s Going- Traveling Alone

Wintering in Florida

Traveling Alone in 2022

Shows and Festivals

What’s Happening Next

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About Three Bridges

The Abandoned Bridge

An Abandoned Bridge

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From loss to living. This is my story.