Tag Archives: #bluewidow

A Horseback Ride in Colorado

July 27, 2022 The Blue Widow Leave a comment

Horseback Ride? Heck YES!

While on my second visit to this wildly adventurous state, I took a horseback ride through the mountains. It’s been a minute since I took this trip to Colorado but I’ve been wanting to tell you about it. I’ll begin by saying I had no idea what I was in for which is usually how my best adventures start. I accompanied a group on this horseback ride which made the day even more exciting.

We used Mt. Princeton Hot Springs Stables in Nathrop. I can not say enough great things about this stable. I highly recommend booking a horseback ride with them if you are ever in the area. The horses are well cared for and the experience was stellar, both times. Check out this about me if you want to know more.

hot springs riding stables parking lot horseback ride

horses lined up to mount for horseback ride

A Horse Named Maverick

We booked the 3/4 day waterfall trail ride this day. In the beginning I was a little intimidated because first, I’ve never ridden a horse for that long. Second, this was my only my second time on a horse in over 20 years. Luckily, I had just went on a sunset ride a couple of months prior and requested the same horse. Which I got, thankfully. Maverick was his name and he was steady, and sure footed. Previously, on my first ride with him, the stables warned me he would take his own path and wow, they were correct.

The morning began as an overcast day. We all met at a trail head where we mounted up. As we rode up one mountain and around to the next, through water and rocky hills, the clouds began to burn off. By the time we arrived at the waterfall, the sun was shining and the day was perfect.

Maverick blazed his own trail and made this horseback ride extra adventurous for me. At one point, the trail narrowed. There was a boulder blocking half of it. After Maverick stopped and surveyed the path, he jumped up and onto the boulder. Then he leapt over it while the other horses went around. Typically the horses would just follow in the footsteps of the horse in front of them but not him. Maverick would carefully survey the trail and choose the best path he wanted to take.

Afterglow

Lastly, I’ll just drop some more photos a couple of videos here at the bottom. This whole day was a surreal experience and I’m grateful for it as it left an impression on my soul. I loved everything from the magnificent views, the endless excitement, and just absorbing being out in nature. I’ve discovered a passion for experiencing remote places where few have gone before. Also this ride rekindled my love of horses. Maverick has a special place in my heart. I hope I get to ride him again someday.

I’ll say it again, if you ever find yourself in or around Mt. Princeton, Buena Vista area of Colorado, be sure to add a horseback ride to your to-do list. So whether you have never been on a horse or you’re a seasoned rider, I promise you won’t regret it!

me next to the general and maverick horseback ride

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Speaking Up and Confronting Fears

July 22, 2022 The Blue Widow Leave a comment

Speaking Up with Boundaries

I’ve never been the one for speaking up for myself. I admit, I’m a people pleaser. In my childhood I dared not speak my mind. This action always met with fierce condemnation. Therefore I learned quickly not to speak up for myself. This carried into my adolescent and adult life. There were a few rare occasions where I actually did say what I was thinking. When this did happen, I remember pride mixed with astonishment in myself. I was always in awe of the people around me who could easily just snark or put their thoughts out there. In therapy, I discovered these are all learned behaviors. Unlearning a lifetime of unproductive behaviors is difficult. We teach people how to treat us. I also discovered that by not speaking up but staying silent, I am allowing myself to be treated differently than I want.

Now mix grief into this. I thought feeling hopeless would give me courage. It did in some areas of my life but curiously not in this one. I used to watch my husband. He would say something in a room full of people just to watch everyone get triggered and then leave before someone’s head exploded. “This was an art” I often thought. I could never be so bold. Grief however has definitely emboldened me, but not always in the best ways.

Fear with Anxiety

There was a time I was highly self destructive. In this journey I’ve also been highly creative. The real work on myself began in the midst of this trauma. Anxiety disorder is something that comes and goes in my life. Before the past two years, I really hadn’t dealt with it to the extent I have now. With anxiety comes fear. I realized an irrational fear of abandonment is something I’ve had my entire life. Now to actually be abandoned through no one’s fault. Well that has made this fear a reality and that is the cornerstone of where I am today. I know this but I don’t know how to deal with it but I’m learning.

Confronting Fears

Reconnecting for me continues to be difficult. Grief sets new boundaries but knowing one’s boundaries is important. Reinforcing the boundaries set is even more challenging. I had a conversation the other day with a very good friend about this topic. We both knew it and thus we both understood it completely. Talking about it is easy. Putting what I know into practice is something else altogether. Speaking up for myself, through setting and enforcing personal boundaries makes me confront my fears. Fear of ridicule, fear of abandonment by someone who doesn’t want to respect my boundaries. Fear of disappointing, and fear of confrontation.

Speaking Up with Love

So I constantly ask myself the question, “what have I got to lose?” The answer is nothing and I have to remind myself of that. I truly believe we get what we put out into the world. Someone once said to me, if something is said or done with love then it is never bad. My resolution to myself is to walk in love. I choose to love myself hoping that reinforcing my personal boundaries out of love for myself will continue to bring positivity into my life. Those that understand this may stay. Those that don’t may leave.

Do you struggle with personal boundaries? What irrational fears have you experienced? I want to hear from you. xxooC

Destinations, On The Road

Feeding My California Love

July 19, 2022 The Blue Widow 2 Comments

How My California Love Started

My love for California started six years ago. I flew in to Ontario airport for the Nocturnal Wonderland Festival in the hills outside San Bernardino. The drive to the hotel was almost an hour. I remember thinking the landscape looked similar to Las Vegas but then it didn’t. That weekend changed my life because of the magic that happened there in the Glen Helen Amphitheater. Since then I have journeyed back to San Bernardino four more times.

Over the past year, I drove to Redding twice. Once for another festival and then just to go. For the festival, I drove from Redding to San Bernardino and back. It was a trip of a lifetime and again, magic happened. During this trip I fell deeper in love with California. Since then I have since longed to see more of this beautiful state.

The Los Angeles Tourist

Last month I flew to Los Angeles for the Tattoo Convention in Pamona, CA. From there I took a three day trip to LA and San Francisco. Let me tell you I saw so many sights in those three days my head was overwhelmed. I am so happy and grateful just to take it all in.

I know I will not get to these in the order I visited but each was super special. First stop was Venice Beach where breakfast at the Sidewalk Cafe was simply something out of a movie. Which by the way, I caught the filming of a movie and a commercial. I have no idea what they were, but I am excited to see if I ever come across them in real life.

venice beach mural in parking lot california love

From there I walked the beach to the pier and back. The ocean smell filled the air. Muscle beach and the skate park distinctly stood out among the landscape. I saw lots of smaller attractions like the world’s smallest front yard and the Venice city sign at the entrance on Windward Avenue. I keep reminding myself, more photos, more photos.

scene from standing on venice fishing pier in venice california love

skate park on venice beach california love

More California Love in LA

Then it was on to Rodeo Drive. I didn’t shop but I did walk it. So many places to see in such a short time. A quick stop at the Original Farmers Market in The Grove. Michelina had the best sweet snack before heading to the original Cookies Dispensary on Melrose Avenue.

tiffany and co california love on rodeo drive

me standing on rodeo drive with california love

Melrose included more shopping but I won’t bore you with those details because next was West Hollywood and the walk of fame. Grauhman’s Chinese Theater was so intriguing. Moments marked in time by present and passed individuals that somehow left their mark on this city’s entertainment industry.

street sign from rodeo drive in los angeles

sweets from Michelina in the farmer's market in los angeles

The trip wouldn’t be complete without the Hollywood sign and of course a Beverly Hills street sign. My last stop before heading to San Francisco, was the Public Art “Urban Light” exhibit next to the Museum of Art. The light exhibit there was the backdrop of some of Gucci’s street show last year so I had to visit. This concluded Monday and Tuesday morning.

Leaving Los Angeles

The drive to San Francisco was about five and a half hours long. The scenery on Interstate 5 was familiar until 580. I feel like Northern California has a distinct vibe that is much different than Southern California. I had that “aha” moment again like “why have I not been here before?” I find my internal dialogue saying that a lot.

My Short Stay in San Francisco

San Francisco was a lot to take in. Again, I wish I had taken more photos. My host and gracious guide made sure I saw the important places including The Golden Gate Bridge, Chinatown, and the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood.

One of the highlights was when I stopped for some fruit at the Haight Street Market. Next door to the market was a red building. I noticed about five people stopping to take photographs so I took one also. Later I learned this was The Red House. The site of Jimi Hendrix apartment while he lived in San Francisco in the 60’s.

haight street market and jimi hendrix red house

original ben and jerry's in san francisco

I’m absolutely positive I’m leaving some places out. My time in lovely city was less than 24 hours but it left it’s mark on me. The city has a vibe I’ve never felt any place else I have ever been.

So that’s it for now. I hope you enjoyed the trip with me. Please comment, ask questions, all that stuff. Love you all. xxooC

Destinations, On The Road

Tattoo Convention in Pamona, CA

July 16, 2022 The Blue Widow Leave a comment

Arriving for the Tattoo Convention

I had the good fortune of traveling to California recently. The Body Art Expo in Pamona, California was in June and I attended with my good friend and tattoo artist Rich Shires of Tattoo 42 in Beaverton, Oregon. Flying into LAX on Saturday evening was an experience in itself. I’ve flown into Ontario, California’s airport plenty but never LAX so this was a new adventure. Anyway, I arrived and off I went. Sunday came and the convention was more exciting than I anticipated.

Now I’ve attended many a convention in my former life of a tattoo shop owner but never like this. I was a guest of Tattoo Wrap so I spent quite a bit of time around this booth. Compared to other conventions I have attended, this one was warm and welcoming. I met a lot of friendly people along the way.

Sights To See

It’s been a minute since I was at a tattoo convention. Performance artists were not a thing back in the early 2000’s but now they are everywhere from conventions to festivals and I love all of it. Suspension by flesh is an art and has always fascinated me. I was just starting to research the mechanics of it when we sold our shop in 2011. I guess you could say this is on my bucket list so I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity if it presented itself.

The performance artists were from Phoenix and wow, did they put on amazing shows. Below are a couple of videos. I made these videos rated R so be prepared to see flesh pulling and some blood. You have been warned. The shows were fabulous.

My Take Aways

There were many vendors beyond tattooers. Tattoo suppliers, t-shirt makers, jewelry makers, and other vendors were there. I can also say it had a distinct So Cal vibe to it.

I’m grateful to have been able to experience this. After attending the convention, I had a whirlwind tour of Los Angeles which will be coming in another post so stay tuned. Thanks for reading xxooC

Lucy’s Adventures

Alive and Well in KCMO

July 11, 2022 The Blue Widow Leave a comment

Lucy’s Traveling and Health Check

Hi everyone! It’s been a few weeks since the last update, and Lucy has been on the go. She is alive and well and made the trip to Indiana and back for the memorial. After Indiana, we traveled to Kansas City, Missouri where she has been for a couple of weeks now while I went out west (more about that later.)

Before this trip to KC, she saw Dr. Belcher because she lost some fur on her head and at the base of her tail. Dr. Belcher increased her prednisolone from one and half pills a day to two full pills a day. This seems to have helped as her fur is starting to grow back. She seems less itchy also.

She had her monthly flea medicine and still takes CBD oil once a day. At the time she saw the vet, her blood work came back with a urinary tract infection so she had a 10 day antibiotic treatment which she completed while I was out west.

Layover in Kansas City, Missouri

I was so very fortunate to have my dear friend in KC look after her while I was away. She acclimated just fine. I was a little concerned with the transition as she’s been with me since January. This would be the longest we’ve been apart but she seems to have handled it well and gotten into a routine pretty quickly.

So here are a couple of photos of her with Wip, my friend’s malamute. I think he’s quite indifferent to her being there. They kind of just tolerate each other. Neither actually cares that the other is around.

Lucy will be in Kansas City until mid July then we will be on the road together again. Stay tuned to find out where we go next and for more updates.

So until next time! Thanks for reading. xxooC

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

One More Year and Another Birthday

July 8, 2022 The Blue Widow 1 Comment

Navigating Another Birthday

At the beginning of this journey after losing my spouse, I was unable to cope with my feelings. At all. Unable to feel the correct feelings or over feeling seemed to last longer than I expected. In 2020 my husband left just before my birthday. I had a few friends and family message me “happy birthday” with very unforeseen consequences for them and me. This lovingly sent message unleashed something terrifying inside me. I still don’t know exactly what it was but the closest I can come to describing it was rage.

I hit back and I hit back hard. As I’ve said before, I make no apologies for what I felt, what I feel, and how I express myself when it comes to my grief. This year has been a little different. As I watch these same friends and family tip toe around my birthday today, they still don’t know where I am or how I will react. The sting is gone. Now only a deep sadness remains. Sure I’m having a birthday, I’m one year older. I’ll celebrate with a piece of cake later and probably a drink. I’ve come much further than I could ever have imagined just two years ago. But what does that mean?

This is Where I am Now

I’m certainly not over this huge loss and trauma I’ve experienced. I’m reminded of that every time I have a panic attack, or my PTSD rears it’s head with a grip so tight it paralyzes me. Am I becoming normalized to this new existence? I believe so. Isn’t that what time does though? It normalizes us by subjecting us to the pain and constant bombardment of the terrible things so we can wake up, expect it and still move through our lives. At least that’s what it seems.

So today was another revelation that I just may be able to look forward to a time with a little less pain. Maybe a little less disfunction. And just possibly a little hope and dare I say, a brief little bit of happiness.

Again, thanks for reading my ramblings. Love you all xxooC

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

My Engagement Ring, A Love Story

July 3, 2022 The Blue Widow 1 Comment

Engagement Ring Shopping, NOT

I love Tiffany & Co. I try to visit every store I can when I find one. The service is exceptional and I just love the iconic jewelry. I enjoy everything about just being inside the store. The quote from Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast At Tiffany’s is true “…nothing very bad could happen to you there.” But this is not a plug for Tiffany’s and that’s not what I was really trying tell you about. Also I need to add my engagement ring did not come from Tiffany’s.

A section of Tiffany’s I usually try to avoid at all costs is the bridal and anniversary section. Because let’s face it. First, I can’t afford anything there. That’s beyond the obvious fact I’m neither getting married or will ever have another anniversary so I figure, hey why tempt myself. Anyway, somehow I ended up strolling through this section in Portland, Oregon over my birthday weekend. I was struck by the Tiffany single solitaire diamond. We’ve all seen it in the magazines. This ring is much more beautiful in person which made me think of my engagement ring with it’s long sorted history.

My Engagement Ring Story

My late husband’s proposal was definitely a story to accompany my engagement ring. Not a beautiful, romantic story as I have heard others tell, but still an interesting one nonetheless. He started by asking what my favorite stone shape was and I answered him with a princess cut. That’s all he needed. He went to a family owned jewelry store and the sales girl helped him pick out a diamond. Then the setting. Side note, after he proposed he tells me he put back the original diamond he chose as he thought it would be “too large and overpower my hand.” To which I thought what girl would ever choose the smaller diamond? But I dared not say that out loud. My ring was gorgeous. The most beautiful ring I had ever seen and my man picked it all out himself. I fell in love with my diamond.

Next he took me on a trip back to his hometown of Valparaiso, Indiana. He waited until my birthday in 1997. We stayed at his friend’s house. We woke up in a small but quant bedroom. He got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. We were married in February the following year.

For our fifth anniversary I asked for more bling. So we traded in my old wedding set, a cathedral platinum setting for a band with more diamonds. This band had a row of 3 baguette diamonds down each side. Again, my man picked this out for me. I loved it. We threw in a plain platinum circular wedding band. This was my set. I wore it with pride and loved it for many years.

Perfectly Imperfect

That was until I broke a prong. I took it in to be repaired. The jewelry store (I won’t mention any names because the story takes a good turn) tried to “fix” it. They destroyed my ring. It could not be fixed. The manager refused to give me a new one or replace the diamond prong setting. It never looked the same. I was devastated. For over ten years I had a ring that brought me to tears when I looked at it. I couldn’t wear it. So I put it away.

Then one day, I was working at the mall. A new manager from the same jewelry store was in shopping. She handed me a card trying to recruit me or anyone I knew. I told her my story. She invited me to bring my ring in. My hopes were not high. She had the diamond setting replaced and made it look just like it did when I bought it. All for free. I cried, and cried some more. I loved my ring again.

Lost And Found

Fast forward now to about two weeks before my husband died. We travelled south to our daughter’s wedding. I tore my jewelry box apart on my closet floor looking for something borrowed for her to wear. My engagement ring had fallen on the carpet and I didn’t see it when I returned everything back to my jewelry box. After we returned home, and exactly six days before he passed, my husband found my ring on the carpet. He commented “here’s your engagement ring” and laid it on the shelf in the closet. Then he died.

I was going through things shortly after just putting valuables together and I saw my ring. Sitting there, on the shelf he put it on. He was the last person to touch my engagement ring, and there it was. This ring that had meant so much to the two of us. A promise between us. Till death do us part. I put it on and wore it for many months. Then I took it off.

Another Reminder

My moment in Tiffany’s reminded me of my perfect, beautiful ring. A symbol of a life and a union that no longer exists. As I have been reminded several times during my new widowhood, I am no longer considered married. I can’t wear it. I don’t know what to do with it. At this moment in time, I can’t bear the thought of removing the diamonds or shaping it into something else. Maybe that will come in time. I’m finding a lot of things I can’t hold onto anymore but I am unable to let go of.

So for once, Tiffany’s was not my happy place but a crossroads for me. I realized I will always live with one foot in this life, and one in that one. These moments will continue to come. For how long, I don’t have the answer to that. Thanks for reading. xxooC

Is there anything you have been holding onto from a life you no longer have?

Destinations, Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Going Home, A Midwest Story

June 17, 2022 The Blue Widow 2 Comments

Going Up North

The drive didn’t take long. The usual four and a half hours. This trip was different though. This time I was going to do something that was long overdue. My husband is going home. I’m taking his ashes back to his home state of Indiana. I decided to spread part of his ashes on the Lake Michigan beach called The Dunes, where he grew up and spent a lot of time. He moved to Kentucky back in the early nineties but family is still there, and very close friends. We frequented his old haunts quite often throughout our more than two decades together. Chicago and northern Indiana was a trip we traveled often.

Going Home After 2 Years

The morning came and I woke up more anxious. I’ve never had negative feelings about putting him somewhere and although I know and love his family, I think having them all in one place and the actual experience of saying goodbye is what put me on edge. The finality. As I said, this was long overdue. We all gathered a little after 7pm.

Some friends and family members I had seen recently, some not. The homecoming was good. It was peaceful. He would have approved. There at dusk, we stood in a circle and told stories about him like he was truly gone, but yet not really. The way I have felt for two years, others shared my feelings. The exact same feeling. I’m always astounded in hearing how much he touched lives. Lives that I was completely unaware. There is always a story somewhere that surprises me. This gathering was no different. The loss was apparent. Brother, son, friend, uncle, father, they all were there. The life of this man cut so short. The pain I experience is also experienced by each and every person attending this gathering. The relationship may be different but loss is universal to the human existence.

sand covering my husband's ashes on indiana beach going home

Afterwards

The whole thing, I hate to call it a ceremony, I don’t think he would approve of anything formal and I just want to call it going home. Anyway, the whole thing lasted longer than I expected. It was way more emotional than I expected also. At the end I put him in the sand. No prophetic words, nothing. I had nothing to say. I’ve already said it all. I still say it, I can’t believe a life is over. His life. Our life. My hope is that one day, when all of the ashes are gone, I will find peace.

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

Reconnecting After Grief

June 7, 2022 The Blue Widow 6 Comments

The Grieving Process

the stages of grief, reconnecting after grief

Grief has no time limit. I’ve heard that a lot. I’ve also read there are stages to grief. Some professionals say there are 5 stages, some say 7 stages. I’m not trying to tell you some doctor has all of the answers. Personally I think it’s all garbage because every person is different. Every person deals with grief in their own way and no way is right or wrong. My personal opinion however is that grief never leaves. So I wanted to talk about the struggle of reconnecting after grief.

I chose to limit my world. I disconnected from just about everyone and everything. My psyche had to. My journey is much different than most but still I walk the path with everyone else suffering with loss in one way or another. Grief is grief.

quote from the after glow reconnecting after grief

As you know, this blog isn’t about me reconnecting to anything really. It’s about putting my own personal journeys out there because well, I was asked to. Maybe not by you in particular but the one reoccurring statement I kept hearing was “I would love to do what you’re doing. You should write about it.” And so I realized I was doing something I had always wanted to do but life gets in the way of the best intentions and dreams. When all of those things I valued in life were shattered into a million pieces, I simply started doing what made me feel ok in that moment.

Reconnecting to Possibilities

When Eric and I first visited Sanibel Island, Florida all those years ago (about 22 years ago I think), the internet wasn’t what it is today. Review sites didn’t exist. There were still hard copy guest books in the condos. I remember reading an entry from someone who had stayed in our condo for 4 weeks prior and I thought to myself, “where would one be in life to be able to just go and stay a month on the beach?” What would that take to be possible, as working remotely also wasn’t a thing back then. I had a child, 2 jobs, a husband, a house, numerous animals and lots of other obligations in my young adult life. That thought has always stuck with me until I had none of those things any more. Ok, well maybe the animals. They keep multiplying no matter what I do.

Reconnecting After Grief

My decision to travel also came with a price. Reconnection. Reconnection to the world and to people I wasn’t sure I was ready for. I found reconnecting to anything in my prior life extremely difficult and uncomfortable. That’s why my very first trip to Sanibel Island was Traveled Alone. I knew the place. I loved it. It was solitude. A place to recharge and make some important discoveries and decisions about the direction I wanted to go next. None of those things actually happened of course. I spent most of the time crying, and drinking, and crying some more. And then drinking some more. What did happen though was I met two women. They were both widows. They didn’t know each other, I met them each at separate times.

One was a sales associate in a toy store. After her loss, she packed up and moved across Florida. She started a life where no one knew her. She keeps in contact with her children and grandchildren but that’s it. The other was a real estate agent. She too sold or donated everything she owned, packed up and moved to a different city to start over.

I would have never met either of them if I hadn’t shared my story first. Even though their events were distant memories of a life long gone I could still see their buried, very familiar pain. This made me wonder, am I really going to ever get “better” or does time simply change the physical circumstances? I still don’t have an answer to that question. But each of them figured out what was needed to reconnect to something. That gave me a shred of hope.

What Reconnecting Looks Like Now

When we have nothing anything is possible. I try to remind myself of this frequently. Don’t even get me started on the “stuff” aspect. Decluttering and my views on “things” in general have shifted 180* since moving in 2019. I think that might be another post eventually.

My point is this, reconnecting is hard but sometimes necessary. After loss, it’s even more difficult and deeply personal. I’m taking one connection at a time. There was a time when I couldn’t. At all. Not today. Then tomorrow came and maybe it was just one person. Now I’ve become good at navigating multiple people on a daily basis but I don’t make apologies when I can’t. Oh, and internally nothing has really changed from day 10, to day 100, to day 450 in my grief journey. I’m not some rock star and I haven’t gotten anything figured out. I may look like I have a lot of fun on my adventures and I do. I also still do a lot of crying and that’s ok.

I’m not the same person I was before June two years ago. I don’t have the same relationships I did then. Some are better, some not so much. Some not at all. That’s ok too. With reconnecting comes discovery and acceptance. If you too are on a journey where you’re finding it hard to connect, know your people are out there. You just may not have connected yet. What’s been your struggle?

Thanks for reading. xxooC

Destinations, Uncategorized

About My Leg- The Other Tattoo Story

June 3, 2022 The Blue Widow 1 Comment

St. James

Here is the other tattoo story I told you I would get to. It’s about my leg. Well my leg is where it landed, the tattoo was happening regardless. This tattoo idea actually started way back in the early 2000’s. If you are a Louisville native then you probably have heard of the St. James Art Show. I used to go every day, every year.

The Chins

I stopped to see works by an artist Ric Chin. Ric was born in Hong Kong and grew up in New York City. When I spoke with him, he was living in Greensboro, North Carolina. I’m sad to report that since the original writing of this article, Ric has also left this world.

Now when I would go to the local art festival, I would stop into his tent which he occupied with his wife, on more than one occasion for years. He specialized in oriental pieces, mostly watercolors. Every chance I could until he and his wife stopped coming, I would visit Ric. He and I had many conversations about his life and life in general. He was a very talented and interesting man.

The Idea About My Leg

kanji names in traditional chinese. about my leg tattoo

One year, he had made small prints of several paintings and he was writing names on them with a paint pen for a price. He explained to me that there were no kanji symbols equal to names in traditional Chinese. Kanji has phonetics and therefore the symbols he wrote were to be sounded out but he guaranteed his work. As we also talked in length about tattoos. He loved the art. He was also a consultant. In Greensboro especially, tattoo studios would send him what the client wanted written and he would send it back in traditional Chinese for a fee. So I asked him to write mine, Eric’s, and Emily’s names.

I hung them in the hallway of our house for many years. They hung with other artwork I had purchased from Ric. When we moved in 2019, I didn’t hang much on the walls so everything remained stored. Once I returned and found them I knew I wanted mine and Eric’s name tattooed on me with his cremains mixed in. Now to find an artist.

An Artist for My Leg

I knew the exact person for the job. My friend Kaitlin Fox down at Sacred Art Tattoo & Piercing in New Port Richey, Florida. I hit her up and lucky for me, she was excited to do it.

This would be Kaitlin’s first time working with cremains so about 48 hours of heavy research went into the process. Eric had worked with cremains before and from what I knew, it wasn’t as straightforward as it might seem. Once we both understood the ink mixing process it was time to get started.

Strange Events

The whole tattoo took less than an hour I believe. A strange thing happened when I opened the urn. An electricity spun up out of the urn and traveled through the air. The air became light and almost took on a different hue. That feeling surrounded us and stayed with us until the end. Then it was suddenly gone as quickly as it arrived. We both noticed it, we both felt it.

Reflections

I’m so excited to wear this tattoo and my lower thigh was the perfect spot. Kaitlin did a stellar job making Ric’s brush strokes look exact. I couldn’t be more pleased. I’m so proud of it and it’s so original. I smile every single time I look at it.

So that’s it. That’s my story. While a few other unexplained, strange phenomenon happened in the studio that day, I’m going to leave you here. If you want to know you may ask but you must keep an open mind. It’s not for the faint of heart. Thank you Kaitlin, thank you Ric, and thank you for reading. xxooC

Destinations, Uncategorized

New Tattoos And More Adventure

May 28, 2022 The Blue Widow 1 Comment

A different direction

I got new tattoos. It’s a subject I haven’t talked about much. The whole process of thinking and doing was all very emotional because as we all know, my old artist (my husband Eric) is no longer with us. This left me with a lot of unfinished work. After owning a tattoo studio for 13 years, I have a wonderful network of support which also includes some very talented tattooers. While out west last year, I found myself back in familiar territory in the Pacific Northwest. This afforded me an opportunity to finish some work on my arm and what will eventually be a coverup on my back. This wasn’t the only work I’ve had done recently, but I’ll talk about that in another upcoming post.

As I mentioned, I traveled up to Beaverton, Oregon which is just outside of Portland. Back in 2009, Eric did an extended guest spot at a shop. So naturally I stopped into Tattoo 42 to see what’s new. I was beyond surprised and thrilled when founder and partner Rich Shires offered to work on my left arm. I had earlier plans to cover up the top of my arm with a black-out piece like my leg, but Rich decided I needed something more special.

New tattoos and fresh perspective

The entirety of my arm tattoo from wrist to shoulder evolved over about 12 days. First came the mandala which still has more time left before we call it finished. Then the hexagram pattern followed by the pattern inside that.

mandala stencil on arm before new tattoos

In the next few sessions Rich hard lined all of my existing tattoos. They weren’t up until this point and that little difference made Eric’s work really pop. We added my grandson’s names next to my roman numeral 1994 for my daughter’s birth year.

new tattoos names next to freshly outlined older tattoo

new name tattoo next to newly outlined older tattoo

Next was a cover up of a previous tattoo Rich did for me in 2011 on the inside of my wrist. That tattoo also was covered with a mandala for continuity. Finally, we chose a cube design as a background to tie it all together. Oh, and the bar design inside the hex covered a negative space ohm, so Rich included a new one that’s even better! I still have the inner part of my upper arm left for whatever tattoo ideas we come up with next.

old tattoo before coverup with new tattoos

Rich was super patient and guided me in a direction I was comfortable with. Covering some of Eric’s work was hard but it was what I had planned before so I made peace with it.

Healing and aftercare plug

For healing Rich has developed this amazing product Tattoo Wrap. It’s a hydrocolloidal bandage that I can wear under any clothing. I can not say enough great things about it and yes, I’m shamelessly plugging it because we used it on every tattoo, after every session except one and the difference was notable. Tattoo Wrap protects, aids in healing, and can get wet. My tattoos healed quicker and better than anything else I’ve ever tried. I know what you’re thinking…”but I have my way and that works for me.” Yes yes, I did too but really I ask you, doesn’t not having to worry about bumping, scraping, and rubbing a new tattoo sound amazing? Well it is and that’s the last I’m going to say. Just try it. You won’t be sorry. Then tell your friends.

new tattoos on back covered with tattoo wrap

Takeaway thoughts on my new tattoos

Total hours I think I counted more than 25 and I can’t remember exactly how many days were tattoo days. My leg coverup was three consecutive days of tattooing. My arm was more. I have a new pain threshold. Did it hurt? Yes, of course but surprisingly not as bad as I expected had you told me this was what we were going to do. End result is that I love it so much. The integrity of Eric’s tattoo work is preserved and enhanced.

I can’t wait to go back and finish. What do you think I should put on the inside of my upper arm?

Questions? Comments? Please leave them below. Thanks for reading! xxooC

Update -Arm Finished (Yay!)

As of this writing, I journeyed once more to Beaverton, Oregon. There we finished my arm with a piece on the inside upper portion. For this space I chose a design near and dear to my heart. The tattoo contains a Moon for me (Cancer), and a sun for my sister (Leo), and a guiding star for us at the top. Rich drew this right on my arm. A custom piece just for that spot. I love it and now it’s finished.

Granted, I still need some touch ups. Some shading was added to the cover up hex pattern. Also there were touch ups to some of the linework and highlights. Tell me what you think! xxoo-C

(Updated July 23, 2022)

Destinations, Uncategorized

Pendleton Oregon

May 27, 2022 The Blue Widow Leave a comment

Portland to Pendleton Oregon

I passed through Pendleton Oregon as I drove Interstate 84 out of The Dulles and the Columbia River Gorge traveling from Portland to Boise. I have driven this stretch of highway twice now and both times was in awe by this mountain that rises up in a distance. The climb is intimidating, and so much so that this stretch is actually called Deadman Pass. This particular stretch of road is about 52 miles long and you can read more about it here on Roads To Travel website.

The road is winding and steep but once up top, it undoubtedly ranks as one of the best rest stop views I have encountered thus far. At the top of the first mountain is a small pull off. The actual pull off is kind of hidden from the highway. There are no restrooms. There is no vending. Just a couple of trashcans, a small covered area, and lots of views.

I was excited planning this article as I wanted to write something about this little spot for a while now. My first time driving it, regretfully I did not stop or take any pictures. On my second time through Pendleton Oregon, I just had to. The sun was just beginning to set and there was electricity in the air. I don’t think my pictures do it any justice, but here’s what I have.

view on highway going towards pendleton oregon lookout

About Pendleton Oregon

Pendleton sits in Umatilla County at the base of the Blue Mountain Range which stretches from northeastern Oregon to southeastern Washington State. Pendleton Oregon was founded in the 1860’s. If you want to know more history, here is the Pendleton Website. The elevation is 1200 feet. I did not visit the town, although now it is on my to-do list for next time. It’s mainly agricultural and known for it’s textiles and rodeos.

The Lookout

As I said earlier, the lookout itself is hidden however there some views still visible in the rearview mirror. There are signs on the highway directing the turn off though. Elevation of the lookout is 3045 feet. Standing in front of my truck, with the wind blowing was almost magical. The view stretches for miles. If you ever find yourself along I84 or near Pendleton Oregon, I highly suggest a pit stop. It’s well worth the extra couple of minutes.

Thanks for reading! xxooC

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A different direction

New tattoos and fresh perspective

Healing and aftercare plug

Takeaway thoughts on my new tattoos

Update -Arm Finished (Yay!)

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Portland to Pendleton Oregon

About Pendleton Oregon

The Lookout

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From loss to living. This is my story.