#bluewidow
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Is it Moving On OR Forgetting: The Analyzing
The writer shares her journey of grappling with the loss of her husband and navigating the realm of companionship as a widow. She emphasizes the need to take things at one’s own pace, honoring the deceased spouse, and seeking new connections. Safety precautions and self-protection are highlighted. The message promotes self-determination and finding purpose in… Continue reading
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When There is Just More
Just More Unexpected Trauma It happened again today. Another flashback, just more trauma. Reliving the “thing” I don’t want to think about, let alone discuss. But there it was. I think this whole experience is all part of reconnecting with the world. After a traumatizing event, it’s hard to be part of something. Because being… Continue reading
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A Moment with Another Widow
Not like the Others I had a moment today. Something insanely karmic happened. I knew it when I was experiencing the moment that it was something uniquely special and there was a lesson here for me. Here in this moment. In this person I had just met and was talking with. I’ve had these random,… Continue reading
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Cat Tales or is it Tails?
Felines on my Mind It’s snowing here in my little slice of Chicago. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. My last dream was about Lucy. I’ve been playing with the idea of getting another cat for a while but somehow I can’t commit. I guess I feel like it’s just not the… Continue reading
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Leaving More, Our Journey Continues
Leaving More of Myself I’ve been staring at a blank screen for a couple of hours now. I’m not sure why I’m having such a hard time starting this article. My late husband’s ashes rest in many places I’ve visited in the two and half years since he left. I expected the ceremonial process and… Continue reading
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Times Change
Times Change. Love Doesn’t Seasons change and so does life. Life goes on even after someone we love dies. The death is a huge loss and an unmistakable marker in the life of the persons that loved them. However time is both forgiving and not. Times change and time changes things. It helps move around… Continue reading
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Self Love. How I am rebuilding.
What is Self Love? “Self love” is not to be taken as vanity. When I say self love, I mean learning to like myself. This means accepting me, my body, the imperfections, the mental states I fluctuate through, the flaws, all of it. In a previous article, I talked a little bit about learning to… Continue reading
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Surviving Loss, Reflections Of A New Life
Preface: I wrote “Surviving Loss” six months ago. It truly is a piece on reflections. Where I was then is not where I am now. In six months, I have had two celebrations of life for Eric. I have journeyed to new places I have never been before. Seen things I’ve never seen and experienced… Continue reading
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Things I Wished I Had Said
An Idea Becomes Reality My late husband Eric was never one to have anyone to make a fuss over him. His birthdays were never a big deal. I am absolutely positive he wouldn’t want his death to be a big deal either. But yet I felt I had to do something for the community he… Continue reading
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More Loss and Finding Hope
First Comes Loss I’ve experienced more loss in the past two years than I have my entire life. I am quite sure other folks have had much more than me so I am in no way saying I am special. But with the passing of Lucy, I was able to watch her go. I’ve been… Continue reading
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Kitty Love, Saying Goodbye
How We Met July 2002 was extra special. That was the year my kitty love Lucy was born. And, the month we met. My in-laws had a pay lake out in Waddy, Kentucky. My father-in-law called me a few days after my birthday. He asked if I wanted a kitten that had been orphaned. She… Continue reading
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Grief and Trauma Labels
What Are Grief and Trauma? A quick Google search and I found definitions for grief and trauma. Grief is a “deep sorrow caused when something or someone you love has been taken away.” Trauma is an “emotional response to a distressing experience.” So on first glance one would think the two are somewhat related. I… Continue reading
About Me and My Grief Journey
My grief journey began in the Summer of 2020. I became a widow overnight. Without warning, my entire life was turned upside down, broken into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. Writing became my anchor—my way to breathe, process, and heal, even in small, fractured moments.
After losing Eric, I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, and an anxiety disorder. For a long time, I was paralyzed by my own emotions. I traveled across the U.S. for over two years, mostly alone, learning how to carry myself through the aftermath of sudden loss.
Along the way, I found love again. Greg became an important part of my life, bringing companionship, laughter, and even new challenges. Losing him to suicide has been another unimaginable heartbreak that shapes much of what I write here. Through it all, my emotional support animals —Odin (dog) and Freija (cat)— keep me grounded and remind me there is still love, life, and care to give.
I moved and now reside in Chicago, Illinois. This city, this home, is my space to rebuild, to grieve, and to explore who I am beyond loss.
What you will find here
This blog started as a place to house my writing. Over time, it’s become much more. Here, I reflect on grief, healing, and the messy, beautiful, often difficult journey of life after sudden loss. I write about my day-to-day experiences, the struggles and triumphs with my diagnoses, and anything else that captures my heart and attention.
My journey on podcasts
Many of my articles are available in podcast form on Spotify and Amazon Music. I welcome your comments—I love feedback. Let’s share this journey together, and maybe find adventure along the way.