#trauma
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When There Is Just More: A Grief Trigger I Didn’t See Coming
Just More Unexpected Trauma It happened again today. Another flashback, just more trauma. Reliving the “thing” I don’t want to think about, let alone discuss. But there it was. I think this whole experience is all part of reconnecting with the world. After a traumatic event, it’s hard to be part of something. Because being… Continue reading
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Widowhood and Identity: Words I Never Thought I’d Say
The Things I’ve Said that Still Surprise Me I’m sitting here watching a thunderstorm roll in. One of the subtle things I love most in this world. The smell of rain. The calm before the storm. Quick flashes of lightning and a glimpse of what’s coming. We never really know what’s coming, though. Every moment,… Continue reading
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Surviving the Loss of a Spouse: Learning to Live With Grief
Preface: I wrote “Surviving Loss” six months ago. It truly is a piece on reflections. Where I was then is not where I am now. In six months, I have had two celebrations of life for Eric. I have journeyed to new places I have never been before. Seen things I’ve never seen and experienced… Continue reading
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Past and Future Collide: Returning to the Place I Lost My Life
Past and future As some of you know, and many of you don’t, I am a HUGE fan of electronic music of all genres. I discovered an upcoming show by a DJ I like and have seen before. He was coming to my old hometown of Bloomington, Illinois. So I bought tickets. The show was… Continue reading
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Sudden Loss vs. Expected Loss: Trying to Understand My Grief
First Comes Loss I’ve experienced more loss in the past two years than I have in my entire life. I am quite sure other folks have had much more than me so I am in no way saying I am special. But with the passing of Lucy, I was able to watch her go. I’ve… Continue reading
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When Grief and Trauma Aren’t the Same Thing
Grief vs. Trauma After Loss A quick Google search and I found definitions for grief and trauma. Grief is a “deep sorrow caused when something or someone you love has been taken away.” Trauma is an “emotional response to a distressing experience.” So on first glance one would think the two are somewhat related. I… Continue reading
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Traveling Alone After Loss: Learning to Keep Moving
The plans below were what I was looking forward to when I originally wrote this in 2022. Why I Started Traveling Alone After Loss Hi there, I think it’s time we address this topic. Yes, I have been traveling alone for the past 2 years. After losing my husband, traveling alone became one of the… Continue reading
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About The Blue Widow Chronicles and Me
The Blue Widow Chronicles began after my husband, Eric, died suddenly in 2020. I became a widow overnight, and the writing became the place I went to make sense of a life that no longer made sense.
What began as writing through grief has grown with me.
Over the years, I’ve written my way through widowhood, PTSD and trauma, solo travel, love after loss, losing Greg to suicide, starting over, complicated relationships, and the ongoing work of figuring out who I am when the life I once knew no longer exists.
This isn’t a blog about having grief figured out. I write from wherever I actually am—sometimes healing, sometimes questioning, sometimes rebuilding, and sometimes admitting I have no idea what comes next.
Odin and Freija frequently find their way into these pages too, along with the people, places, memories, and ordinary moments that remind me life continues even when it looks nothing like the one I expected.
What You’ll Find Here
The Chronicles are personal essays about grief, trauma, identity, love, relationships, travel, rebuilding, and life after loss. Some were written from inside the experience. Others look back years later with a perspective I couldn’t have had when everything was happening.
There are more than five years of stories here. You don’t need to read them in order. Start wherever something speaks to you.
Beyond the Pages
Some stories can be told publicly. Others need a smaller room.
Beyond the Pages is the more intimate side of The Blue Widow Chronicles on Patreon—a growing private library of previously unpublished journal entries, deeper reflections on the Chronicles, member-only writing, and guided writing resources.
Membership is $5/month and includes access to the complete growing library.
Come further in —Beyond the Pages