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One Foot In Each Life
I can return to the places where Eric still feels present and then come home to the life I’ve built without him. Six years later, I’m still learning how to live with one foot in each life. Continue reading
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Did I Miss a Turn?
I moved my life this weekend. I had so many panic attacks and so much severe stress that it was maddening. I took it out on Jacob and I took it out on myself. I drank too much. I did things that reinjured me because we didn’t have enough help, and by the time it… Continue reading
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Seven Birthdays Later
Today would have been Eric’s 53rd birthday. My birthday is July 4. His was July 31. For more than two decades, one followed the other until our birthdays seemed to melt together into this thing we simply thought of as July. One birthday always carried the other with it. This is his seventh birthday since… Continue reading
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When Healing Asks You to Begin Again
The Last Thing on My List For months, moving after loss has sat on my horizon like the last mountain I knew I’d eventually have to climb. After Greg died last October, I made a mental list of everything I needed to do just to get by. There were urgent things, and there were hard… Continue reading
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Place-Anchored Grief: Returning Home
(Note) *Place-anchored grief is when grief is tied to a place. Deferred grief is exactly what it sounds like. I wanted to give these contexts before continuing. A Healing Holiday The holidays have come and gone. I just arrived back at the apartment after two and a half weeks away. Two of those weeks were… Continue reading
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Alone But Not Abandoned
Releasing Control I worked a white magic spell a few days ago. Nothing dramatic. No expectation that it would fix anything. Just an intention to release what I can not control and find peace in that knowing. I didn’t expect much to come from it, especially this soon. But yesterday and today have been the… Continue reading
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The Ritual of Letting Go and Keeping What Matters
Coming Home to a Space That Feels Different Now I came home yesterday and walked into my apartment. It felt different. Not better or worse, just heavier in some places and strangely calm in others. Like the walls remembered what happened here and were waiting for me to say something about it. I kept grounding… Continue reading
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When Home Isn’t a Place Anymore
This morning, I walked through my daughter’s house and caught glimpses of my late husband Eric in photos. Pictures of him, frozen in time. It’s strange how someone who was once my entire world can now feel so far away, like he belongs to another version of me I can barely access. Another lifetime. Another… Continue reading
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Living Minute by Minute: How Grief Rearranges Time
Journal Entry I made it to Kentucky yesterday, and for the first time in weeks, I feel like I’m sitting inside a tiny bubble where I don’t have to carry everything. I don’t have Odin and Freija depending on me. I’m not surrounded by reminders or tasks or the weight of an apartment that feels… Continue reading
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The Hole That Was You
Originally Written: November 24, 2025 Journal Entry I hate that you gave up on life. It hurts so badly, all the time. There are these tiny moments — little flickers — where I forget that you’re really gone. Gone gone. This journal entry has moved. I originally published The Hole That Was You during an… Continue reading
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The Part That Stayed
Journal Entry This journal entry has moved. I originally published The Part That Stayed while I was trying to understand a complicated kind of grief—one that carried anger, love, dependency, memory, and the weight of losing more than one person seemed capable of taking with them. Some writing belongs to the moment in which it… Continue reading
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Layered Grief: When One Loss Reopens Another
Layered grief is what happens when one loss sits on top of another—when old wounds are reopened by new pain, and the lines between them blur. It’s not just mourning one person. It’s mourning the parts of yourself that each loss took away. Until this past week, I wasn’t familiar with the term. While some… Continue reading
About The Blue Widow Chronicles and Me
The Blue Widow Chronicles began after my husband, Eric, died suddenly in 2020. I became a widow overnight, and the writing became the place I went to make sense of a life that no longer made sense.
What began as writing through grief has grown with me.
Over the years, I’ve written my way through widowhood, PTSD and trauma, solo travel, love after loss, losing Greg to suicide, starting over, complicated relationships, and the ongoing work of figuring out who I am when the life I once knew no longer exists.
This isn’t a blog about having grief figured out. I write from wherever I actually am—sometimes healing, sometimes questioning, sometimes rebuilding, and sometimes admitting I have no idea what comes next.
Odin and Freija frequently find their way into these pages too, along with the people, places, memories, and ordinary moments that remind me life continues even when it looks nothing like the one I expected.
What You’ll Find Here
The Chronicles are personal essays about grief, trauma, identity, love, relationships, travel, rebuilding, and life after loss. Some were written from inside the experience. Others look back years later with a perspective I couldn’t have had when everything was happening.
There are more than five years of stories here. You don’t need to read them in order. Start wherever something speaks to you.
Beyond the Pages
Some stories can be told publicly. Others need a smaller room.
Beyond the Pages is the more intimate side of The Blue Widow Chronicles on Patreon—a growing private library of previously unpublished journal entries, deeper reflections on the Chronicles, member-only writing, and guided writing resources.
Membership is $5/month and includes access to the complete growing library.
Come further in —Beyond the Pages