Kitty Love, Saying Goodbye

lucy portrait

How We Met

July 2002 was extra special. That was the year my kitty love Lucy was born. And, the month we met. My in-laws had a pay lake out in Waddy, Kentucky. My father-in-law called me a few days after my birthday. He asked if I wanted a kitten that had been orphaned. She was feral and living in the chicken coop on the feed. He caught her in a box trap. I sent my husband to get her. She arrived in a small dog crate. She was very tiny and fit in the palm of my hand. I grabbed her by her scruff and gave her a bath. I removed the fleas I could find and then wrapped her in a towel. She was mine ever since. I named her Lucy. Not for any particular reason other than she just looked like a Lucy.

There was nothing special about this little calico kitten. She was every color a cat could come. Lucy had one leg that was tiger striped. Some gray and black striping, and some white as well. I remember all I wanted was for her to sit with me but all Lucy wanted to do was run and be a kitten. She was curious about everything. Sun loving, always finding the warm spot in the house to catch a nap.

kitty love. lucy looking laying on bed looking at camera

The Early Years

Somewhere around the middle of her life, she calmed down a bit. She was showing that she wanted to be next to me. Her gestures to “pet me, pet me” were heard loud and clear. From 2007-2009 I earned an online degree from home and she was my constant companion every single day. We spent many days together as she laid next to me while I would read, write, and learn. Then Lucy started sleeping with me. The favorite snuggle spots would change now and then, and for a while it was on my head, then on my waist. Sometimes she would tuck herself up against me. Other times she would sleep between the pillows.

Lucy loved to go outside and lay in the sun. She loved to eat grass. She talked, a lot. Not only to me but to others she liked. We developed our own language. Her intentions were clear when she wanted to convey love. There were moments we would just look at each other in acknowledgment of our existence and our connection. She was a soul mate. Not everyone can have a bond with an animal.

To look into another animal’s eyes and feel a connection, we understood each other. She would show me she loves me back by laying her head on me. She showed me by laying her paws on me. By wanting to be with me, by wanting to touch me and be touched. By constantly talking to me. In the end, she was very clear about her wants and needs both physical and emotional.

my kitty love lucy laying on bed with my hand on her belly

Defying The Odds

Then in 2016 she lost a lot of weight. In her glory days when she was healthy, she topped out at 13.5 lbs. She was now down to 9 lbs. Lucy had hyperthyroidism and was put on medication. After starting medication she gained some weight back. Finally in 2017 we received another diagnosis, this time it was lymphoma. The vet gave her 90 days to live. She defied that like she did with so many other things.

Lucy maintained well on her own until the end of last year. Mobility became a struggle. As her medication increased and her physical limitations grew, I decided she needed constant care. I started taking her on my journeys, under vet supervision of course. She seemed happier and we spent a lot of time together. But I knew our time was limited and I could be saying goodbye to her on the road somewhere.

kitty love lucy looking into camera

Goodbye My Love

On August 8 at around 12:15pm, Lucy took her last breathes here on this earth. Her body had been failing her for some time. The whole transition was quick. She let me know that morning there was something wrong and it was time. Although I somehow knew this as she hadn’t eaten since the day before. I held her until she left and then a little longer. Before she left me though, I told her everything I always repeated to her and everything I had been preparing to say up until then.

“I love you. You are my soul mate. If you can come back, please find me. I’ll love you until the day I die and beyond. You were the best kitty in the whole wide world. No one will ever love you as much as I do. I love you most of all and you have been a huge comfort and a loving companion. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for loving me back. I’ll miss you but I know you must go. Don’t be afraid. It’s ok to go. Go to Papa. I’ll be ok. I’m here until the end. I love you.”

And with that, the animal love of my life passed to meet her Papa waiting for her on the other side.

Thank you all for accompanying us on this final journey. I love you all. xxooC

6 responses to “Kitty Love, Saying Goodbye”

  1. I loved getting to read and see the love you have for Lucy.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Until you meet again.

    Hugs 💙
    Tammy

    1. Thank you friend. I’m grateful for as much time as Lucy and I shared

  2. Biggest of all possible hugs! It’s so hard to say goodbye to an animal companion, but especially hard when you have a special bond. My soul kitty did come back and find me — literally fell out of a tree at my feet and looked different but behaved just like my lost friend. By the time I lost her again, we were okay with letting each other move on but with everlasting love. <3

    1. Oh I hope she does find me!! I’ll never love another kitty like I loved her 😍

  3. […] I’m actually kind of surprised how comforting the pain had become. Especially after losing Lucy, my comfort and emotional support […]

  4. […] in my little slice of Chicago. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. My last dream was about Lucy. I’ve been playing with idea of getting another cat for a while but somehow I can’t […]

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About Me and My Grief Journey

My grief journey began in the Summer of 2020. I became a widow overnight. Without warning, my entire life was turned upside down, broken into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. Writing became my anchor—my way to breathe, process, and heal, even in small, fractured moments.

After losing Eric, I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, and an anxiety disorder. For a long time, I was paralyzed by my own emotions. I traveled across the U.S. for over two years, mostly alone, learning how to carry myself through the aftermath of sudden loss.

Along the way, I found love again. Greg became an important part of my life, bringing companionship, laughter, and even new challenges. Losing him to suicide has been another unimaginable heartbreak that shapes much of what I write here. Through it all, my emotional support animals —Odin (dog) and Freija (cat)— keep me grounded and remind me there is still love, life, and care to give.

I moved and now reside in Chicago, Illinois. This city, this home, is my space to rebuild, to grieve, and to explore who I am beyond loss.

What you will find here

This blog started as a place to house my writing. Over time, it’s become much more. Here, I reflect on grief, healing, and the messy, beautiful, often difficult journey of life after sudden loss. I write about my day-to-day experiences, the struggles and triumphs with my diagnoses, and anything else that captures my heart and attention.

My journey on podcasts

Many of my articles are available in podcast form on Spotify and Amazon Music. I welcome your comments—I love feedback. Let’s share this journey together, and maybe find adventure along the way.

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