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Destinations, Uncategorized

Finding Home Again: Change, Challenges, and New Beginnings

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A Year in a Day

Hi there, it’s me. Wow, where did the year go? I keep asking myself that question frequently these past few weeks. So much has happened in the past few months alone, and knowing where to begin is tough. This is an update and this is my story of finding home again this past year. First off, my writing has taken a back seat to real life for the moment. I’m still working on my companion workbook. I transferred in my job, moved again, back to Chicago, and finally found an apartment I adore. I downsized my life considerably over the summer in prep for this move. All while working on a relationship and trying desperately to shed the remainder of my former life to give this one a fighting chance. Let me explain.

Returning to Kentucky a year ago took a lot of soul-searching but not much planning. I didn’t know for how long or when I would ever leave Kentucky again, so I’ve been in limbo. In the meantime, I wrote and launched my book and started on the companion workbook. It’s essentially written but has been stuck in the final stages for over three months now due to my inability to just sit down and devote some time to it. Apologies to you and myself for that.

Returning to Chicago

Next, the most important event was that I transferred to Macy’s Oakbrook Center, back to Chicagoland for my job. I officially started last month. For housing, I initially booked an extended stay at a hotel, which wasn’t terrible, but I didn’t realize exactly how far away from the city that it was. It’s been challenging. Not only getting to work but finding an apartment. I opted to rent versus buy for a year to get comfortable with being back and not be pressured into buying something I don’t love in a neighborhood I’m not thrilled with.

So, with that, finding home again meant a perfect two-bedroom apartment on the first floor in a lovely neighborhood called Oak Park. The building is old, the updates are sufficient, it’s small, and although it doesn’t quite feel like home yet, it will. (This is not my apartment, just a cool photo in the Macy’s where I work!)

sofa with photos of iconic chicago on the wall in the background finding home again

Balancing Life and Writing

I’ve written several articles that have just been sitting and waiting for revision and publication all the while since I knew I was coming back. Another procrastination I apologize for. The most recent, which I’ll probably get out soon, is about emerging from the widow’s fog. I’ve done that this year, and it’s been an experience I barely found words to describe. I can only liken it to waking up from a dream in which I had little control over what was happening around me, only to realize most of it was real. It’s truly a surreal experience.

During this “awakening,” I realized I needed to downsize my life again to prepare for this two-state move again. The honest truth was, when I looked around, not much from my former life meant anything to me.

Lots of stuff from my past and present life was donated, lots thrown away, given away, and some was just stored. I’m still working through it, but it still amazes me the drive I’ve had to just start a new life with new things and new places and only have around me the small things that bring me joy. It’s been a freeing experience. I highly recommend it.

surfboard with the words "you can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf"

Love and Fear

Now, we come to the much-guarded relationship status. I’ve met someone, or should I say re-met someone. We’ve known each other for years, even decades. When we started exploring this relationship, it was a questionable situation for both of us; however, we decided to give it a shot and see where things went. It’s been anything but easy, though we’ve persevered, and here we are, in Chicago, together, for a second time.

roses finding home again

No one knows what the future holds for either of us, and the thought of losing someone that close to me frightens me to my very core. The fact of it all comes down to whether I want to be alone the rest of my life, whatever time I have left, or if I wish to share it with someone every day. I think this is part of my journey in finding home again. This feels like home. For now, we are still working on the day-to-day, just as any new relationship works.

In the end, I still have a lot of challenges before me. Picking up and moving somewhere new is precisely what I needed when I needed it most. If you’ve read half of anything I’ve written, or know me at all, you know I thrive on figuring out difficult circumstances and forging my own path ahead. That is exactly what I am doing. Stay tuned. There’s so much more to come.

Thanks for reading. I love you all! –xxooC

me on the beach finding home again in chicago
Thoughts and Notes

Personal Growth: Beyond Resolutions

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graphing paper with text personal growth
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Personal Growth

I used to set out in the new year and have some grand plans to change a lot in my life. Then Spring time would come and either I had fallen away from the plans or they weren’t sustainable in my approach. Now I’m learning that an alternative approach to personal growth goes beyond resolutions and can lead to more meaningful and lasting change.

The start of a new year is an opportunity for a fresh start, and a chance to set new resolutions. However, despite the best intentions, many of us struggle to stick to these resolutions and end up feeling defeated. The problem with traditional New Year’s resolutions is that they often lack specificity, set unrealistic expectations, and have an all-or-nothing mentality.

The Problem with Resolutions

Resolutions fail when they lack specificity and a clear plan for achievement. Stating “I want to lose weight” without setting SMART goals or a roadmap for success is a common pitfall. Unrealistic expectations often result in disappointment and loss of motivation.

I used to pursue perfection, often feeling defeated by the slightest misstep. Embracing an all-or-nothing mindset proved detrimental, as a single mistake would derail my entire goal. Moreover, I’ve always been impatient, especially with endeavors that require time. I’ve come to realize that personal growth is a gradual journey, not an overnight transformation. Focusing solely on the outcome caused me to overlook my progress and feel disheartened by the lack of immediate results.

The Alternative Approach to Personal Growth

A more effective approach to personal growth is to focus on processes instead of outcomes. Additionally, focus on changing behavior. Do this by setting small, achievable goals backed by a specific action plan. I like SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound) goals. They help me map out a process and plan to get to my goal.

By focusing on the process, we can celebrate small wins along the way. We build momentum towards our larger goals while being kind to ourselves and emphasizing growth over perfection. By accepting that progress is not always linear, we can be more forgiving of ourselves and learn from our mistakes.

Practical Tips for Reimagining Your Approach

For myself, resolutions and personal growth plans aren’t just straightforward anymore. Before, I used to just make one profound goal with little thought or regard for what the process entailed. Now I focus more on what the result will look like in my life. How will this new goal benefit me once I’ve started new habits and ultimately achieved my end goal?

To reimagine your approach to personal growth, start by reflecting on the past year and identifying areas for growth. Then, set intentions instead of resolutions. Intentions are more flexible and allow for progress in small steps. Then, create a plan for achieving your intentions and track your progress tangibly and visibly to stay motivated. Celebrate small wins and recognize that personal growth is a journey, not a destination.

Conclusion

In conclusion, traditional New Year’s resolutions often fail because they are too broad, lack specificity, and set unrealistic expectations. An alternative approach that focuses on processes setting small and achievable goals and emphasizing growth over perfection can lead to more meaningful and lasting change. By reimagining your approach to personal growth, you can create a plan that works for you and celebrate small wins along the way. So, this year, ditch the resolutions and try a new approach to personal growth.

I’ve written my list. What’s yours?

Thanks for reading! Good luck in the new year with all you wish to accomplish. –xxooC