Blue Widow Chronicles

From loss to living. This is my story.

Times Change

Times change. Chicago sunset

Times Change. Love Doesn’t

Seasons change and so does life. Life goes on even after someone we love dies. The death is a huge loss and an unmistakable marker in the life of the persons that loved them. However time is both forgiving and not. Times change and time changes things. It helps move around and disorder our thought processes but it doesn’t erase what happens. My husband died. Time doesn’t stand still for me. I don’t love him any less. In fact, I think I love him more. But what I’ve realized is, I’ve been running. Running to get as far away as possible from all of the memories. My thinking was, if I ran far enough, the memories couldn’t hurt me anymore. I was wrong. They still hurt. But I changed my circumstances so I didn’t have to dwell in the past.

I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to take the time I need to grieve and heal a bit. Now I’ve come to a place in my life where I’m tired of traveling so much, so often. It’s just not that enjoyable anymore. So I decided to settle down for a moment. I reached out to old colleagues and friends and I ended up right back where I left off. Well, not exactly where I left off but kind of.

lillies in new apartment in chicago. times change

Moving doesn’t mean Moving On

I once had my “dream job.” Those who knew me then, knew I loved my job. It was the best and I excelled in it. Then, I had to leave for future growth. Now I’m back. And I love it. I relocated to a city I love, Chicago. Best of all, I feel totally supported. Both in my professional and personal life. Getting back to a routine is hard. Living a new city is hard. I moved to the city. A big city. I’m learning my way around. I wanted something new and this is the best of both worlds. Stay tuned for more adventure as I explore and get acquainted with my new surroundings.

Thanks for reading. I love you all. xxooC

city of chicago skyline as I drive home. times change
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2 responses to “Times Change”

  1. Speed Bump Days – Blue Widow Chronicles

    […] the speed bump day, but the day when I couldn’t run from the feelings. Until now, before this move to Chicago, I would just go wherever I want to spend a painful day. Some place I can’t possibly be sad. […]

    Reply
  2. More Change – Blue Widow Chronicles

    […] been thinking a lot lately. Thinking on how much life has changed and continues to change since my husband left. But change can be good right? Once I believed with every ending was a new […]

    Reply

Tell Me Something Good

About Me and My Grief Journey

My grief journey began in the Summer of 2020. I became a widow overnight. Without warning, my entire life was turned upside down, broken into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. Writing became my anchor—my way to breathe, process, and heal, even in small, fractured moments.

After losing Eric, I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, and an anxiety disorder. For a long time, I was paralyzed by my own emotions. I traveled across the U.S. for over two years, mostly alone, learning how to carry myself through the aftermath of sudden loss.

Along the way, I found love again. Greg became an important part of my life, bringing companionship, laughter, and even new challenges. Losing him to suicide has been another unimaginable heartbreak that shapes much of what I write here. Through it all, my emotional support animals —Odin (dog) and Freija (cat)— keep me grounded and remind me there is still love, life, and care to give.

I moved and now reside in Chicago, Illinois. This city, this home, is my space to rebuild, to grieve, and to explore who I am beyond loss.

What you will find here

This blog started as a place to house my writing. Over time, it’s become much more. Here, I reflect on grief, healing, and the messy, beautiful, often difficult journey of life after sudden loss. I write about my day-to-day experiences, the struggles and triumphs with my diagnoses, and anything else that captures my heart and attention.

My journey on podcasts

Many of my articles are available in podcast form on Spotify and Amazon Music. I welcome your comments—I love feedback. Let’s share this journey together, and maybe find adventure along the way.

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