Blue Widow Chronicles

From loss to living. This is my story.

More Change

me wearing glasses staring at the camera more changes

Moving, moving, moving

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. Thinking on how much life has changed and continues to change since my husband left. But change can be good right? Once I believed with every ending was a new beginning. Although nowadays, I’m finding that harder and harder to be true. In grief, sometimes endings are just that…endings. Where I am now is not a beginning. But a place I am all too familiar with. A place I left for a reason. So with more change, what happens now?

Maybe my purpose here isn’t finished. At least that’s what I am telling myself today. Maybe, just maybe this is a healing place. When the universe sees I’ve had enough. It sends me back here to reflect and heal. A physical “safe space” so to speak. I’ve never really had that before. I mean, sure with my husband I felt safe and secure. But I was never alone. Nor was I ever experiencing complicated grief. Not the way I am now. Psychiatry.org has some great reference material on grief disorders. Just click if you are interested in learning more.

Back Where I Started

So in that, here’s a quick update. I’ve left Chicago. Chicago will always hold a dear place in my heart and Illinois will always feel like home. I went there and did what I wanted. Something I had always dreamed of. I built a life on my own, for me. I’m leaving proud of what I accomplished and proud of myself.

But my time is over for now. I’m drawn back to Kentucky again. I will make the best of this moment and bask in familiar surroundings until the universe decides I belong somewhere else.

Also I have decided to restart therapy. EMDR (Eye Movement and Desensitization Reprocessing) helped in the beginning. I’m not sure I need that again. While I’m here though, I think I’ll dive into some grief therapy. I’ll let you know how that goes. It’s always been hit or miss but I’m hoping for the best.

If you’re still reading me by now and want to catch up, drop me a message and let’s connect. I look forward to seeing some familiar faces. Love you all and thanks for reading. –xxooC

central beach indiana dunes more change
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3 responses to “More Change”

  1. Sharon Avatar
    Sharon

    Welcome back!

    Reply
  2. marianallen Avatar
    marianallen

    I’m still in the same place. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Going Backward While Moving Forward – Blue Widow Chronicles

    […] My move was settled about a month ago. It was anything but smooth. One would think it easier to take everything down three flights of stairs versus up however, that wasn’t the case. Also curiously, and although I tried really hard not to buy a ton of shit, I in fact, had a ton of shit. Stuff I had accumulated in the short time living in my tiny ass (600 sq. ft.) apartment in Chicago. Wow, I’m still scratching my head about that one. […]

    Reply

Tell Me Something Good

About The Blue Widow Chronicles and Me

The Blue Widow Chronicles began after my husband, Eric, died suddenly in 2020. I became a widow overnight, and the writing became the place I went to make sense of a life that no longer made sense.

What began as writing through grief has grown with me.

Over the years, I’ve written my way through widowhood, PTSD and trauma, solo travel, love after loss, losing Greg to suicide, starting over, complicated relationships, and the ongoing work of figuring out who I am when the life I once knew no longer exists.

This isn’t a blog about having grief figured out. I write from wherever I actually am—sometimes healing, sometimes questioning, sometimes rebuilding, and sometimes admitting I have no idea what comes next.

Odin and Freija frequently find their way into these pages too, along with the people, places, memories, and ordinary moments that remind me life continues even when it looks nothing like the one I expected.

What You’ll Find Here

The Chronicles are personal essays about grief, trauma, identity, love, relationships, travel, rebuilding, and life after loss. Some were written from inside the experience. Others look back years later with a perspective I couldn’t have had when everything was happening.

There are more than five years of stories here. You don’t need to read them in order. Start wherever something speaks to you.

Beyond the Pages

Some stories can be told publicly. Others need a smaller room.

Beyond the Pages is the more intimate side of The Blue Widow Chronicles on Patreon—a growing private library of previously unpublished journal entries, deeper reflections on the Chronicles, member-only writing, and guided writing resources.

Membership is $5/month and includes access to the complete growing library.

Come further in —Beyond the Pages

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