That’s right, when you are in MOURNING

If you haven’t lost someone significant, then this article isn’t for you. If you have, then you may be familiar with what I’m about to talk about. It’s all of the things that are not discussed in daily life, but exist in the world of someone mourning. Let’s get real about mourning and grief. Let’s talk about what to expect when grieving the loss of someone you loved.

I’m going to start with relationships. What to expect first is, most people around you including friends and family simply will not understand. Some may think they do, but they don’t. Unless one has lost the same relationship, no one gets what you feel. No one will empathize with you and very few will know what is appropriate to say or do. The few that will, well they will ultimately be your tribe but I’ll get to that in a minute.

Second, there are so many rituals that go along with death. What to expect, and what happens in a post-covid world are completely different things. Nothing is right or wrong and everyone deserves the right to choose what is best for them and their loved ones. Especially when it pertains to end of life choices and decisions. Don’t just go along with someone elses expectations. Do what feels right for you and don’t worry about pleasing anyone else, no matter who says what.

Other things about what to expect

Third, most of those around you do not have your best interests in mind. They only have theirs. It’s really hard to tell because intentions may be good but these people, family, and loved ones may not be good for you. And this is a problem because discerning what is real and what is false is super hard when you can’t think straight. So my advise is to surround yourself with people you completely trust. If there is a hint of something crazy, cut them off. It’s okay to put a relationship on hold and reconnect when able. You’ll be glad you did.

Fourth, don’t have regret. In mourning and grief one clearly can’t think straight. It all takes time. How much time? Well, that’s a very individual answer as well. Each person moves through grief differently because of a number of factors. So tread lightly, don’t make any decisions you don’t have to, and wait until you feel better both mentally and physically. Hint…your people will be there for you with no questions asked. They won’t have alterior motives and they will only be there to assist. Not for “what’s in it for them” or to make themselves the star of the show. As I said before, these are your inner circle. They will be your life line and your comfort.

And a few more things

Fifth, you will suffer physically. In ways you can’t even imagine. The stress and discomfort from grieving will touch your very soul and manifest in physical ways. Listen to your body and be aware. Slow down when you need to. Draw boundaries when appropriate. Rest when you can.

Sixth and final thought. Don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right. If it all feels wrong, it probably is. Go with your gut because that’s all you have. Don’t trust anything just because you should. Finally, it’s okay to draw boundaries and postpone anything and/or EVERYTHING until you feel you can deal.

One last thought

That’s it. These are the things I wished I had known going into my experience with grief. The things no one talks about but everyone who has been through it knows quite well. No one can prepare you for your grief journey. Everyone is different and every journey is unique. What we can do is to find support and support each other.

Thanks for reading. I love you all xxooC