peace
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Place-Anchored Grief: Returning Home
(Note) *Place-anchored grief is when grief is tied to a place. Deferred grief is exactly what it sounds like. I wanted to give these contexts before continuing. A Healing Holiday The holidays have come and gone. I just arrived back at the apartment after two and a half weeks away. Two of those weeks were… Continue reading
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Alone But Not Abandoned
Releasing Control I worked a white magic spell a few days ago. Nothing dramatic. No expectation that it would fix anything. Just an intention to release what I can not control and find peace in that knowing. I didn’t expect much to come from it, especially this soon. But yesterday and today have been the… Continue reading
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When Home Isn’t a Place Anymore
This morning, I walked through my daughter’s house and caught glimpses of my late husband Eric in photos. Pictures of him, frozen in time. It’s strange how someone who was once my entire world can now feel so far away, like he belongs to another version of me I can barely access. Another lifetime. Another… Continue reading
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The Hole That Was You
Originally Written: November 24, 2025 Journal Entry I hate that you gave up on life. It hurts so badly, all the time. There are these tiny moments — little flickers — where I forget that you’re really gone. Gone gone. This journal entry has moved. I originally published The Hole That Was You during an… Continue reading
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The Part That Stayed
Journal Entry This journal entry has moved. I originally published The Part That Stayed while I was trying to understand a complicated kind of grief—one that carried anger, love, dependency, memory, and the weight of losing more than one person seemed capable of taking with them. Some writing belongs to the moment in which it… Continue reading
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Sedona Was Waiting
I woke up with an unusual heaviness this morning, not really understanding why. Then I looked at the calendar and remembered — this week was supposed to be our vacation. We were just about to ask for time off when he left. On his phone, I found searches for “day trips in and around Sedona.”… Continue reading
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Loving After Loss: Learning to Carry Love Forward
Grief is strange. It doesn’t fade on a schedule, and it doesn’t just hurt — sometimes it comforts. My family just celebrated our youngest grandson’s birthday this past weekend. For me, it’s also a time marker—five years of joy with little E and five years without our big E. When he died, I didn’t only… Continue reading
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Twenty-one Days: Cherishing Moments and Memories
21 DAY REWIND June 14th, 2020 was a Sunday. I will be stuck in this moment for the rest of my life whether I want to or not. Strange how trauma does that to the mind. As this anniversary is rapidly approaching, so goes my train of thought into a rewind. My brain seems to… Continue reading
About The Blue Widow Chronicles and Me
The Blue Widow Chronicles began after my husband, Eric, died suddenly in 2020. I became a widow overnight, and the writing became the place I went to make sense of a life that no longer made sense.
What began as writing through grief has grown with me.
Over the years, I’ve written my way through widowhood, PTSD and trauma, solo travel, love after loss, losing Greg to suicide, starting over, complicated relationships, and the ongoing work of figuring out who I am when the life I once knew no longer exists.
This isn’t a blog about having grief figured out. I write from wherever I actually am—sometimes healing, sometimes questioning, sometimes rebuilding, and sometimes admitting I have no idea what comes next.
Odin and Freija frequently find their way into these pages too, along with the people, places, memories, and ordinary moments that remind me life continues even when it looks nothing like the one I expected.
What You’ll Find Here
The Chronicles are personal essays about grief, trauma, identity, love, relationships, travel, rebuilding, and life after loss. Some were written from inside the experience. Others look back years later with a perspective I couldn’t have had when everything was happening.
There are more than five years of stories here. You don’t need to read them in order. Start wherever something speaks to you.
Beyond the Pages
Some stories can be told publicly. Others need a smaller room.
Beyond the Pages is the more intimate side of The Blue Widow Chronicles on Patreon—a growing private library of previously unpublished journal entries, deeper reflections on the Chronicles, member-only writing, and guided writing resources.
Membership is $5/month and includes access to the complete growing library.
Come further in —Beyond the Pages