Blue Widow Chronicles

From loss to living. This is my story.


The Part That Stayed

Journal Entry



This journal entry has moved.

I originally published The Part That Stayed while I was trying to understand a complicated kind of grief—one that carried anger, love, dependency, memory, and the weight of losing more than one person seemed capable of taking with them.

Some writing belongs to the moment in which it was written. I don’t want to rewrite this entry from the perspective I have now, but I also no longer want something this personal sitting completely open on the public blog.

I’ve moved The Part That Stayed to From the Journals on Beyond the Pages, where I’m preserving some of the writing that came directly from inside my grief, exactly because it captures what I understood and felt at the time.

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One response to “The Part That Stayed”

  1. Oh, honey, I’m so glad you got the chance to learn so much about Eric through his friend, but so so so sorry you had to lose him twice through the loss of his friend. If I believed in such things, or if I was writing a story about it, I would have him come to you in order to give you Eric’s past and have him leave because he had achieved his purpose. I would make it sweet and nourishing, not harsh and wounding. HUGS

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About Me and My Grief Journey

My grief journey began in the Summer of 2020. I became a widow overnight. Without warning, my entire life was turned upside down, broken into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. Writing became my anchor—my way to breathe, process, and heal, even in small, fractured moments.

After losing Eric, I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, and an anxiety disorder. For a long time, I was paralyzed by my own emotions. I traveled across the U.S. for over two years, mostly alone, learning how to carry myself through the aftermath of sudden loss.

Along the way, I found love again. Greg became an important part of my life, bringing companionship, laughter, and even new challenges. Losing him to suicide has been another unimaginable heartbreak that shapes much of what I write here. Through it all, my emotional support animals —Odin (dog) and Freija (cat)— keep me grounded and remind me there is still love, life, and care to give.

I moved and now reside in Chicago, Illinois. This city, this home, is my space to rebuild, to grieve, and to explore who I am beyond loss.

What you will find here

This blog started as a place to house my writing. Over time, it’s become much more. Here, I reflect on grief, healing, and the messy, beautiful, often difficult journey of life after sudden loss. I write about my day-to-day experiences, the struggles and triumphs with my diagnoses, and anything else that captures my heart and attention.

My journey on podcasts

Many of my articles are available in podcast form on Spotify and Amazon Music. I welcome your comments—I love feedback. Let’s share this journey together, and maybe find adventure along the way.

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