Blue Widow Chronicles

From loss to living. This is my story.


The Part That Stayed

Journal Entry



This journal entry has moved.

I originally published The Part That Stayed while I was trying to understand a complicated kind of grief—one that carried anger, love, dependency, memory, and the weight of losing more than one person seemed capable of taking with them.

Some writing belongs to the moment in which it was written. I don’t want to rewrite this entry from the perspective I have now, but I also no longer want something this personal sitting completely open on the public blog.

I’ve moved The Part That Stayed to From the Journals on Beyond the Pages, where I’m preserving some of the writing that came directly from inside my grief, exactly because it captures what I understood and felt at the time.

Continue reading The Part That Stayed on Patreon →

One response to “The Part That Stayed”

  1. Oh, honey, I’m so glad you got the chance to learn so much about Eric through his friend, but so so so sorry you had to lose him twice through the loss of his friend. If I believed in such things, or if I was writing a story about it, I would have him come to you in order to give you Eric’s past and have him leave because he had achieved his purpose. I would make it sweet and nourishing, not harsh and wounding. HUGS

Tell Me Something Good

About The Blue Widow Chronicles and Me

The Blue Widow Chronicles began after my husband, Eric, died suddenly in 2020. I became a widow overnight, and the writing became the place I went to make sense of a life that no longer made sense.

What began as writing through grief has grown with me.

Over the years, I’ve written my way through widowhood, PTSD and trauma, solo travel, love after loss, losing Greg to suicide, starting over, complicated relationships, and the ongoing work of figuring out who I am when the life I once knew no longer exists.

This isn’t a blog about having grief figured out. I write from wherever I actually am—sometimes healing, sometimes questioning, sometimes rebuilding, and sometimes admitting I have no idea what comes next.

Odin and Freija frequently find their way into these pages too, along with the people, places, memories, and ordinary moments that remind me life continues even when it looks nothing like the one I expected.

What You’ll Find Here

The Chronicles are personal essays about grief, trauma, identity, love, relationships, travel, rebuilding, and life after loss. Some were written from inside the experience. Others look back years later with a perspective I couldn’t have had when everything was happening.

There are more than five years of stories here. You don’t need to read them in order. Start wherever something speaks to you.

Beyond the Pages

Some stories can be told publicly. Others need a smaller room.

Beyond the Pages is the more intimate side of The Blue Widow Chronicles on Patreon—a growing private library of previously unpublished journal entries, deeper reflections on the Chronicles, member-only writing, and guided writing resources.

Membership is $5/month and includes access to the complete growing library.

Come further in —Beyond the Pages

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