Blue Widow Chronicles

From loss to living. This is my story.


Cat Tales or is it Tails?

lucy and nacho

Felines on my Mind

It’s snowing here in my little slice of Chicago. I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. My last dream was about Lucy. I’ve been playing with the idea of getting another cat for a while but somehow I can’t commit. I guess I feel like it’s just not the right time. With cats, it’s been my experience, that when you know, you know. Cats seem to adopt their caretakers. Not the other way around. This had me wanting to share some cat tales.

Anyway, I had this on my mind this morning. After I got over the sadness of holding Lucy in my dream, I was quickly chuckling over memories of my late husband. He didn’t really like cats much when we first met. In fact, he kind of hated them. So I got one for our daughter. Then one became two and well, you know how that goes. We quickly had a furry family.

The Kitty Whisperer and a Cat Tale

Over the years our family grew and shrunk. Some cats aren’t destined to stay. They just need a place to land and recouperate before moving on to their forevers. So we considered our house a home for wayward animals. Eric fed everything that ventured onto the front porch. Whether it be feline or of another species persuasion. It wasn’t long before we were quickly going through a 20 lbs bag of dry cat food every week, but he loved it. It wasn’t unusual to see an opposum or a raccoon on the front porch. We often talked about setting up a camera to see what we were encountering because sometimes, we would wake up and whole big bowl of food would be gone overnight.

My husband often called himself the “kitty whisperer” and with good measure. When we were in Kentucky, there was an instance where we were alerted to a “stray” cat that had been put out of a house, down in the cul de sac. Eric spent weeks going down and laying a trail of food for him to find his way to our house. Bubby lived out his remaining years under our house in the crawl space. Going in and out of a vent, Eric would fill his food bowl twice a week and put it back under the house.

Ladybug came to us as the neighbors across the street moved out. They left her. Declawed and homeless. Again, Eric left a trail of food to the front porch. Ladybug spent 3 years as our porch kitty. Content to spend her days lounging on the railings. She wasn’t sure she wanted to be an inside kitty again. Eric kept trying to bring her inside but she insisted she wanted out. That was until we moved in 2019, and then she quickly adapted to life indoors.

Cat Tales from the Kitty Ranch

Our daughter is also a cat magnet. She brought more than a few home. Eric fell in love with every single one. When he came home from work, every animal got their special “Eric” time. Every one. Every day. I often overheard their conversations. He had his favorites but he truly loved each one for who they were.

When Em was young, she once asked Eric where he went on the weekends. At the time, he was on a shift from Thurs-Sun. So to her, he was gone all weekend. He told her he spent his weekends at his kitty ranch in Wyoming. And just like that, The Kitty Cowboy was born. Eric could tell some tales. She believed him and he proceeded to tell her some of the wildest, funniest cat tales imaginable. Sometimes he would take along a kitty or two from home to help out with the all of the kitty wrangling and ranch chores.

I remember one instance when Em was in middle school. Her teachers sent a note home. The note said the last few days of school would be spent as if the children were away at camp. We had to pack pillows, flash lights, blankets, and other things. Parents could send packages like mail. Eric sent her a package with a letter from the kitty ranch. We still talk about it to this day.

Letter from the kitty ranch cat tales

The Biggest Tales are the Best Tales

Once I got a text at work. Eric proceeds to tell me Lucy showed him the zipper where she takes off her fur coat. She took it off and ran around the back yard naked. He said it was so amazing. And then promised her he wouldn’t tell a soul, but of course he had to tell me.

Another story comes to mind of Nacho. Nacho was Eric’s favorite although he wouldn’t admit it. Nacho was the master Ninja. He has blades of steel on the ends of his toes. These blades are unmatched. Nacho weilds them like no other kitty because he is specially trained by a Liger.

Animals bring so much joy to our lives. I love my dog Odin dearly and he is becoming this quirky, fiercly loyal, and fun loving guy. Odin has stepped in as my emotional support animal for my chronic disorders but still. There is just something about a cat. So until my kitty love finds me, I’ll be sitting here patiently waiting. I just hope it doesn’t take too much longer.

Where are my fellow cat lovers? Show me some photos and tell me some cat tales until I find my kitty love again.

Thanks for reading. I love you all xxooC.

2 responses to “Cat Tales or is it Tails?”

  1. I don’t know how to show you pictures on a blog comment, so I’ll just point you the Caturday posts at MarianAllen.com, where my three take turns posting for me. I have lots of kitty tales. My favorite one was when Charlie, who claimed he didn’t care one way or another about cats, ran down the gravel drive and into the yard — with no shoes on — because he thought he saw one of our cats tangling with a snake. It was a water hose, but Charlie didn’t hesitate a heartbeat to pelt, barefoot, into danger.

    1. I love it! ❤️

Tell Me Something Good

About Me and My Grief Journey

My grief journey began in the Summer of 2020. I became a widow overnight. Without warning, my entire life was turned upside down, broken into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. Writing became my anchor—my way to breathe, process, and heal, even in small, fractured moments.

After losing Eric, I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, and an anxiety disorder. For a long time, I was paralyzed by my own emotions. I traveled across the U.S. for over two years, mostly alone, learning how to carry myself through the aftermath of sudden loss.

Along the way, I found love again. Greg became an important part of my life, bringing companionship, laughter, and even new challenges. Losing him to suicide has been another unimaginable heartbreak that shapes much of what I write here. Through it all, my emotional support animals —Odin (dog) and Freija (cat)— keep me grounded and remind me there is still love, life, and care to give.

I moved and now reside in Chicago, Illinois. This city, this home, is my space to rebuild, to grieve, and to explore who I am beyond loss.

What you will find here

This blog started as a place to house my writing. Over time, it’s become much more. Here, I reflect on grief, healing, and the messy, beautiful, often difficult journey of life after sudden loss. I write about my day-to-day experiences, the struggles and triumphs with my diagnoses, and anything else that captures my heart and attention.

My journey on podcasts

Many of my articles are available in podcast form on Spotify and Amazon Music. I welcome your comments—I love feedback. Let’s share this journey together, and maybe find adventure along the way.

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