Blue Widow Chronicles

From loss to living. This is my story.


All The Matters

My writing space on the couch what matters

What Really Matters

Oh Hi!! WOW! The last few months have been CRAZY!! I try to keep up with everyone on social media. All of it matters. But let’s be honest, most of what is posted mixed with what is filtered is irrelevant. I am still in the process of reengaging. By reacting to a social media post takes a moment of time and energy. I have decided as I give my time in exchange for money, I don’t want to exert excess energy on things which really do not matter. Regarding all the matters, so many things really do not matter.

So what exactly DOES matter? I ask myself this all the time. Well, my loved ones matter. My “inner circle” so to speak. I suck at engaging anymore. My energy level just hasn’t returned. I’m not sure it ever will. I only have so much energy in one day for so much. Then I am done. That’s it. I’m physically and emotionally DONE.

I often wonder if I am the only one feeling this way or this is just the result of the trauma I’ve been through. Either way, expending energy where I feel is unecessary is daunting. So what to do?

When Saying No is OK

For now, just becoming aware of the difference. Understand it’s okay to say no to some things. It’s perfectly okay to just say I can’t do this now. Whether it be laundry, chores, obligations, life. Of course there are going to be things. Things I MUST do. Those things matter, and have to be factored in. Then, if there isn’t anything of me left, I am getting better saying it’s time to stop. Learning to recognize the point I need to stop is still challenging. Slowly I am learning what truly matters.

These are reflections I have learned through my new meditations. Daily I take a few minutes and ponder the good stuff. It’s been very satifying. Not only am I more grateful, but my meditations have also helped me see what exactly is important. What I want to focus more on in my life. What I don’t want in my life and/or things to cut out. And finally, the things I want more of and to do more of.

Speaking of gratitude, my daughter got this book for me for Christmas. (This is NOT a paid advertisement!!) I’ve started and with the first couple of days it’s really opened up my thoughts and inspirations. Not only is it positive but it leaves me with things to think about. Self discovery is never a bad thing.

Soul Therapy All the matters

Update On The Move

Moving has been an experience in itself. I kind of knew it would be but I had no idea living in a city of this size was such a different way of life. As I mentioned before, I live in the North/Northwest neighborhood of Logan Square. I am about six miles from the lake. Which by the way, I have not visited as a resident yet. Anyway, before moving here I always thought I was somewhat a cultured city girl. Boy was I wrong! I have never felt more country than I now do at times and the strange thing is, I’m okay with it. I am adapting and growing.

The culture in Chicago is amazing. This city is so diverse. I can go a few blocks and be in a completely different neighborhood with a completely different ethnicity and culture. That’s what makes this city so unique. One thing in particular I have noticed is the people are really nice. Nicer than I expected. Of course no one says “hi” on the streets or waves from their cars but I do witness nice acts almost every day. Don’t get me wrong, the news is riddled with the bad stuff. In a city of over 2.7 million residents there’s bound to be crime and bad people. That’s everywhere.

chicago skyline at night
Final Thoughts and Gratitude

For now I am content. Trauma and anxiety are still daily challenges. That hasn’t changed. The one thing I can say though is I am in a better place than I was two years ago and I am grateful for that. Tell me one thing you are grateful for.

Thanks for reading. Love you all xxooC

13 responses to “All The Matters”

  1. I’m grateful for people who understand that trauma can be invisible but still a yawning hole waiting for you to fall in.

    1. Yes! So important to have the people that understand and are willing to sit in the grief with us. Love you!

  2. I’m happy that life is getting better for you. I’m also happy for my life and my family

    1. Thank you! And thanks for sharing! You have a beautiful family

  3. I am grateful for your posts they help me with my grieving still.

    1. Thank you for sharing! ❤️

  4. Candi, I am grateful today for another day of living. Grateful that you post about your journey and to hear you are in a better place today. I’m also grateful that Tracy and Earl are not suffering anymore. I miss them like hell but I know too that they are in a better place today. I love you and thanks for posting for all of us to read and help us grow from it as well.

    1. I love you. I’m always here for you❤️

  5. Im grateful for Charlotte, and im grateful for the life that you and Eric opened up for me and the skills learned.

    1. Thank you for sharing. I’m so humbled by what came from the shop. Mine and Eric’s little business venture changed so many lives including our own ❤️

  6. […] On top of this bodily stress from food, this caused my mental stress to multiply. Coupled with the anxiety of a new job, a new city, a new living space…well you get where I’m […]

  7. Robotwith_ahammer Avatar
    Robotwith_ahammer

    Im grateful that I found peace . It takes time . There is a crossover when you feel everything is ok. I don’t have to feel this way anymore . So to speak . I hope you find all your peace and tranquility .

    1. Thank you and thank you for sharing. I’m glad to hear you’ve found peace.

Tell Me Something Good

About The Blue Widow Chronicles and Me

The Blue Widow Chronicles began after my husband, Eric, died suddenly in 2020. I became a widow overnight, and the writing became the place I went to make sense of a life that no longer made sense.

What began as writing through grief has grown with me.

Over the years, I’ve written my way through widowhood, PTSD and trauma, solo travel, love after loss, losing Greg to suicide, starting over, complicated relationships, and the ongoing work of figuring out who I am when the life I once knew no longer exists.

This isn’t a blog about having grief figured out. I write from wherever I actually am—sometimes healing, sometimes questioning, sometimes rebuilding, and sometimes admitting I have no idea what comes next.

Odin and Freija frequently find their way into these pages too, along with the people, places, memories, and ordinary moments that remind me life continues even when it looks nothing like the one I expected.

What You’ll Find Here

The Chronicles are personal essays about grief, trauma, identity, love, relationships, travel, rebuilding, and life after loss. Some were written from inside the experience. Others look back years later with a perspective I couldn’t have had when everything was happening.

There are more than five years of stories here. You don’t need to read them in order. Start wherever something speaks to you.

Beyond the Pages

Some stories can be told publicly. Others need a smaller room.

Beyond the Pages is the more intimate side of The Blue Widow Chronicles on Patreon—a growing private library of previously unpublished journal entries, deeper reflections on the Chronicles, member-only writing, and guided writing resources.

Membership is $5/month and includes access to the complete growing library.

Come further in —Beyond the Pages

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