Tag Archives: widow

Thoughts and Notes

PTSD: Understanding the Daily Effects on the Nervous System

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Today, I want to talk about PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD is a mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. I was diagnosed shortly after finding my husband passed away. Many circumstances and traumatic events can cause PTSD. In this article, I want to focus on understanding its impact on the nervous system. This knowledge can illuminate the physical and emotional challenges faced by those living with the disorder. My symptoms have become worse this spring in anticipation of his fifth death anniversary. After some research, I want to share what I’ve learned. By diving in and learning the everyday effects PTSD has on the nervous system, we can better understand it. We can also support ourselves and others who are impacted by it.

The Basics of PTSD and the Nervous System

In short, PTSD arises after a person experiences or witnesses a traumatic event. Symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. The nervous system plays a vital role in how individuals process trauma, as it regulates emotions and responses.

The Stress Response and Hyperarousal

Recently, I’ve found myself jumping to sudden noises. I felt like I was always anxious, just waiting for something to “happen.” It turns out this is the nervous system’s fight-or-flight response. It’s often activated in PTSD, causing what’s called chronic hyperarousal. Individuals might feel constantly on edge, have difficulty sleeping, or be easily startled. This sustained state of alertness can significantly affect daily life, leading to exhaustion and increased stress.

Intrusive Thoughts and the Brain’s Reactions

PTSD can trigger the brain to relive traumatic experiences through intrusive thoughts and memories. Flashbacks can occur, making distinguishing between past and present threats challenging for the nervous system. Fortunately, I was able to find a therapist to administer EMDR for my flashbacks, but this isn’t always the case, depending on the type of trauma endured. Therefore, this reaction can lead to increased anxiety and difficulty concentrating.

Emotional Regulation Difficulties

With this recent relapse, I found myself crying more and experiencing bouts of sadness out of nowhere. I discovered that emotional regulation becomes a struggle for those with PTSD. The nervous system may find it hard to return to a calm state after a trigger. For me, I can experience severe symptoms for weeks. This can result in heightened emotions, such as anger or sadness, impacting relationships and day-to-day interactions.

Physical Symptoms of PTSD on the Nervous System

PTSD also manifests physically. The main thing I want to emphasis is that everyday triggers can complicate and overload the nervous system. Often, it can cause tension headaches, digestive issues, and muscle pain. These symptoms arise from the nervous system’s prolonged stress response, substantiating the disorder’s expansive effect beyond the mind.

Coping Strategies and Healing the Nervous System

It’s easy to get discouraged and think that living in a perpetual anxious state is going to be the norm, but it doesn’t have to be. Symptoms can be managed successfully. Managing PTSD requires strategies that soothe the nervous system. Techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, and meditation can aid in calming the body. Various therapeutic approaches exist. They aim to rewire neurological responses and promote recovery.


Understanding PTSD’s impact on the nervous system helps with understanding the complexities of the disorder. Offering insights into its daily effects can provide a foundation for empathy and support in ourselves and those around us, whether we are suffering or know someone suffering. While the journey through PTSD is challenging, hope persists through awareness and effective coping strategies, paving the way for healing.

Thank you for reading. I love you all –xxooC

Grief, Thoughts and Notes

Life, Loss and Change

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Hi there…well, yeah, it’s been a minute. Change has pulled me in different directions, leading writing to take a backseat. However, journaling remains a constant. I’m on the verge of completing my companion workbook to “The Narcissistic Tangle.” A major life shift occurred recently for those unaware—I moved back to Chicago in September.

Reflecting on Change

The past six months have been a whirlwind of change. I’m standing on the brink of the five-year anniversary of my late husband’s death this June. This milestone marks an emotional moment of reflection. Five years have elapsed, and I’m confronted with mixed emotions. Some days, the reality of his absence sharply takes my breath away, while other times, I speak of his death as if it’s just another casual conversation.

Five years feels like a hugely significant milestone. Somehow, there’s an expectation to feel differently, yet my emotions remain complex and varied. Looking at who I am now, I often wonder if the person I was would recognize the person I’ve become. The trinkets and possessions I once held dear are now mere echoes of another life. Memories only I hold now.

Embracing the Present

I keep asking myself, “What direction do I want to take now?” I am acutely aware that I’m not getting any younger. While I’m able-bodied now, recent back issues remind me of life’s unpredictability. A fall last year introduced me to physical challenges I had never confronted before. It shifted my perspective on physical capabilities and future possibilities.

Life continues to provide blessings and opportunities. This is true despite some minor physical setbacks. A recent snowboarding trip to Wisconsin is evidence of this. Although it was a much-needed, beautiful, and exciting trip, the recovery was longer than expected. The whole experience was a stark reminder of how our bodies change, sometimes subtly, sometimes dramatically.

Conclusion

This journey through time, change, and self-discovery continues to unfold. It’s teaching me about resilience and the new paths available when one chapter closes. I remain curious about the directions life will take me next. I am constantly confronted with how I will adapt to newfound circumstances while cherishing memories of past experiences and loved ones. Life’s ever-evolving nature is its own adventure, inviting us all to embrace change with courage and curiosity.

Thanks for reading. I love you all –xxooC

Thoughts and Notes

Grace and Independence: A Valentine’s Day Guide for Widows

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Valentine’s Day can stir a mix of emotions, particularly for widows. This day of love and companionship can bring about memories of a past life with a loved one. This can sometimes be difficult when we are alone or grieving. However, it also serves as an opportunity for self-care and a reflection of personal strength. Embracing this day with grace and independence can be a powerful testament to the journey of acknowledging past love by celebrating personal growth and newfound love as well. Let’s dig deeper on how to do this.

I think thee dear love
I think thee dear love by Library of Congress is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

Cherish Memories

Valentine’s Day can be a time to reflect on memories shared with your late partner. Mine are particularly difficult to navigate because the day before was our anniversary. This makes for two complicated days. Incidentally, next week would have been our 27th anniversary, and now it’s my fifth one without him. I can’t help but count the years now. Somehow it serves as a memoriam and I still do without thinking about it.

As I have some experience with this holiday now, my advice to any widow is to consider setting up a small tribute at home. A spot adorned with a favorite photograph, a candle, or a special memento that brings comfort and warmth. This space can serve as a gentle reminder of the love that was. A peaceful place to honor the memories that continue to bring joy and solace.

Self-Care and Mindfulness

Midst the emotional backdrop of Valentine’s Day, prioritizing self-care is essential. I’ve talked about this a lot. I’m a huge advocate as this is my go-to when I need a time-out to process and get through difficult times. So, second, I recommend you treat yourself to a spa day at home: indulge in a long, relaxing shower or bath, or try out a new face mask. I just discovered shower melts, and I highly recommend them. Or, you can simply light a fragrant candle to turn your bathroom into a spa. Oh, and my favorite face masks are Mara’s Volcanic Clay Sea Mask and Que Bella Exfoliating Strawberry. If you don’t have a favorite, they are relatively inexpensive and you can find them just about everywhere now. Simple yet inexpensive treats.

Pampering can also extend to immersing yourself in activities such as your favorite book or music. It can also be spending the day dedicated to a hobby that revitalizes your spirit. These activities can bring mindfulness and serve to ground you in the present. This focus on self-love is a vital element in embracing the present with grace and independence.

Connect with Loved Ones

In the most difficult of times, I choose to be solitary. This doesn’t work for everyone, however. If company and companionship is what you need, reach out to family and friends. You know you’re people. Gather one or all and draw strength from their love, company and compassion. They can be a great source of comfort.

Whether it’s a casual get-together or a meaningful conversation, connection plays a crucial role in navigating this day gracefully. If circumstances allow, consider hosting a small gathering. Or, alternatively, set up a virtual meeting to share stories and laughter with those who hold significance in your life. Never underestimate the power of laughter. There’s much research on laughter as healing.

Give Back

Another suggestion is engaging in acts of kindness and generosity, which can be incredibly healing. When I first became a widow, my family doctor held my hand and told me to give back. “Only then can the healing begin.” he said, and I’ve never forgotten his words. Volunteering for a cause you are passionate about or participating in community activities not only helps others but also fosters a feeling of accomplishment and fulfillment.

The joy of giving back can create a positive shift in perspective and instill a deeper sense of purpose. If this doesn’t feel comfortable, I suggest spending some time at the local animal shelters. Usually, it just takes a phone call or an email to go in and spend some time with the animals. Petting them can comfort you both. However you choose to give back will help foster a sense of gratefulness.

Explore New Traditions

Finally, Starting new traditions can breathe fresh life into Valentine’s Day. Consider exploring aspects of life that bring joy. Whether that’s traveling to an inspiring location, trying out new cuisine, or simply embarking on a creative project. Over the past five years, I’ve found that new experiences can lead to newfound happiness and fulfillment. Each marking the day with joy and uplifting emotions. As you see, I’m still working on my own grace and independence.

This year, I will be working. Afterward, I plan on spending the evening with my love. We’ve started new traditions ourselves over the past couple of years. Although this year, we haven’t made solid plans yet, I’m definitely looking forward to it—something I haven’t felt in a while about this particular holiday.

Conclusion

As a widow, Valentine’s Day is more than a reminder of love once lived; it’s an opportunity for self-love and the cultivation of new, fulfilling moments. I challenge you to embrace this day with an open heart and a curious mind, thus, transform it into a celebration of your resilience and continue to enrich the life you continue to lead.

Cherish the past, live in the present, and look forward to creating a future filled with grace and independence.

Happy Valentine’s Day, I love you all. Thanks for reading. –xxooC

My Valentines:

my cat freija grace and independence
my dog odin grace and independence
my valentines greg and myself

Grief, Thoughts and Notes

Finding Your Path After Loss: Two Journeys, One Strength

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I’ve been asking myself the same question for some time, “Where do I go from here?” It’s also a question I never really have an answer for. I had a different yet familiar sort of conversation today about finding a path after loss. At work of course, and she was a recent widow. She was out and about with her support person, the friend who had been there with her, through it all.

They were giggling as she talked her friend into buying a costly handbag while she confessed her friend had just caused her to spend an obscene amount on new furniture. The whole situation was very reminiscent of a time not long ago in my past. Although my path led me to a different end, I found myself engulfed in her story and how this widow got to where she was, as she seemed extremely content and at peace. I had to know more.

Two Choices, A Shared Purpose

I was enthralled as this new conversation unfolded. Her trauma was sudden, just like mine although her’s was much newer. She was recently widowed and decided to keep her house. She felt it necessary to continue with the improvements she and her late husband had discussed doing. It was a commitment she was holding, and somehow, I admired that and felt it in my soul because I had contemplated that same dilemma.

When Eric died, I initially thought, “I’ll pay off the house, stay here, and continue this new life we had begun together. I’ll do all the things we wanted to do to the house.” Because ironically, we too had unfinished plans for our house. I was going to order new flooring we had just picked out three days before. That same day, we purchased a new tree for the front yard.

maple tree in front yard finding your path after loss

I did plant the tree we picked out for the front yard.

I learned this new widow had just replaced the flooring on her second floor. The furniture, well, she and her husband wanted to completely re-do the second floor. It all seemed so surreal, I was talking to myself in another universe, in another life—both equal and opposite endings. Ultimately, I chose a different path because, as destiny has it, we are different individuals in entirely different scenarios. Each small difference in each other is influencing and guiding our different paths forward. Both are valid, and both are healing in their own respective nature.

Admiring Strength In A Different Path

I admire this woman. I never asked her her name, and she never asked mine. We didn’t have “that” sort of connection, although we had a mutual admiration for each other and our different decisions. We had both found our paths after a very devastating loss. We understood that although we were faced with some of the very same choices, our paths ultimately led us in different directions in the wake of our loss. She has children and grandchildren, and her large house is still usable. Although I have a child and grandchildren, it is a great distance away and wouldn’t be of any benefit to me.

So I let it go to rebuild a different life. One of less. In a different city. One of more substance with a minimalistic nature. It doesn’t make mine any less, just different. And it suits me fine.

my street corner finding your path after loss

We are both validated in our loss and comforted in the reminders we keep. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; we have to decide what is best for each of us and try to move forward. That’s the thing about grief, sometimes it’s forward, sometimes it’s backward, sometimes it is neither, but we must move with time.

Universality Of Grief

This encounter isn’t the first I’ve had with other widows. I’ve written about them before, but this one was quite different. I learned so much from this conversation. In that moment, we were bonded in the shared experience of finding a path after loss. She was so positive and upbeat for being so fresh into her journey, and I admired that as well. We both face so many challenges, such as fear, loneliness, and uncertainty about our futures; however, we have support. Something not every survivor has, and that is the unfortunate fact.

In the end, we all have to use our intuition and make the decisions that are best for us.

Thanks for reading. –xxooC

give love macy's display
Grief, Thoughts and Notes

A Realization of Widowhood: Navigating the Reality of Being Single

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Realization of Widowhood…Setting IN

I. Am. Single. Yes, that’s what I said. It’s a hard realization of widowhood. It really doesn’t matter how long you were married before, the law only recognizes “until death do you part.” So now, whether you want to be or not, like it or not, you are single!

It’s hard to take in. It’s hard to process. But I have to, don’t I? Long before I was even ready to normalize anything, I was hit with the word “single.” And there you have it, folks, my life summed up in one single word for the government and any other authoritative entity that matters: “single.” The realization of widowhood.

I bring this up because I’ve confronted it multiple times in the last few weeks. For those of you new to my game, I’ve been a widow for a little over four years now, so nothing really surprises me. However, this did—quite a bit, actually.

I’ve spent most of my adult life being a wife. Not all at once, I do admit, but this last time was the one that counted, and I am counting a little over 23 years that I’ve been called Mrs…..

Being forced to be counted as single is a shock at first. Then it tries to settle in, only to be replaced by horror that I can no longer be called anything BUT “single” in the eyes of the law and government. I think there needs to be a change in this somewhere, but I can’t comprehend that right now.

The Weight of the Word “Single”

When you first hear it, it feels like a blow. “Single” seems to erase all the shared memories, the love, and the life built together. It feels reductive, minimizing years of companionship to a mere label. Adjusting to this new reality is daunting. The transition from being part of a “we” to just “me” is not only emotionally taxing but also socially and legally challenging.

Society’s Lens on Widowhood

Society often views widowhood through a sympathetic lens, but rarely does it understand the internal battle that comes with it. The term “single” doesn’t capture the complexity of the loss, the journey through grief, and the slow rebuilding of one’s life. Instead, it throws us into a category that feels foreign and uncomfortable.

The Journey of Acceptance

Coming to terms with this new status takes time. It’s a journey of acceptance, filled with moments of denial, anger, and eventually, understanding. Recognizing oneself as single after a significant loss is an essential step in healing. It doesn’t mean forgetting the past or diminishing the love that was shared. Instead, it’s about acknowledging the present and finding a path forward.

Navigating the New Normal

I really hate the term “the new normal.” I heard it a lot in the early days of widowhood, and every reminder of your single status feels like a fresh wound. From legal documents to social events, the constant labeling can be overwhelming. However, over time, these reminders can transform into affirmations of resilience and strength. They can become markers of progress, signifying the ability to move forward while still cherishing the past.

Finding Strength in Community

For those navigating similar paths, finding a community of support can make a significant difference. Sharing experiences, challenges, and victories with others who understand can provide comfort and encouragement. It’s through these connections that we can find solace and strength, knowing we are not alone in our journey.

Conclusion: Embracing the Future

Widowhood reshapes our identity in profound ways. Accepting the term “single” is part of this transformation. While it may never fully capture the depth of our experiences, it does signify a new chapter. Embracing this chapter means honoring the past while stepping into the future with hope and resilience. This may seem like a lot at first and if it is, be patient, you’ll get there. Remember: you are more than a label. You are a testament to enduring love and unyielding strength.

Thanks for reading. I love you all –xxooC

Destinations, Grief, On The Road

A Grief Journey Continued: Chasing Clarity

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The Anniversary of the Beginning

I must confess, my last post about facing the fourth anniversary of the start of my grief journey was a bit of a joke to me and not the haha kind. Although I wrote and rewrote it several times, no words seemed to convey what I was experiencing. I couldn’t quite wrap my thoughts around it. In an effort to just get something out, I pushed through the pain.

Yes, the time dilation was real. I found myself obsessing over photos again. With vivid detail, I could remember everything about a particular moment in time. However, as I kept getting pulled back into moments that happened five, seven, ten years, and more, living in the present seemed like the dream I would eventually wake up from. Only to be met in the present with the inevitable shock wave of grief and trauma over and over.

Believe it or not, that’s how the mind of a surviving spouse works, or at least mine does. Here’s the disclaimer: everyone grieves differently, and everyone processes trauma differently. Your experiences and grief journey may be completely different, and that is okay. Start your own blog. It’s very therapeutic. Click here for some inspiration. You can thank me later.

For reasons unknown, this year was particularly hard. I had the best support, and I’m becoming comfortable in this new life I’ve created. Yet, there is still this intense feeling of loss to contend with. I suppose it’s because the loss was sudden and unforeseen. It was thrust upon me, and I simply had to just deal with it and all of its messiness. Messiness like having to renew my truck plates and both of our names are still listed.

Embracing Clarity in Grief

Lately, I’ve been reminiscing about a couple of widows I met while traveling in Florida early on. Each told me their story of losing their husband. Both were sudden, like me, and both were quite similar, although they were hundreds of miles apart. Each one talked about how they got to a point where they just couldn’t go on in the environment they were in. So, they packed up what little they wanted to keep and moved. One to another part of the state and one from a completely different state. Far enough away to start a whole, brand new life. And with that, they seemed content, like they had no regrets at all.

I also find it interesting that one is living her life alone, completely content in her chosen isolation, while the other started a new career and remarried. They did what was best for their survival. That is exactly how I’m feeling; I have known it for some time. I must go. I must go to a place he and I weren’t and start a new life. I’ve done pretty well at reinventing myself; now I have to take it a little further and go and not look back.

The Vulnerability of Moving On

This year’s anniversary came with so many revelations. In grief, clarity will come. I have to caution you, though, and this is another article I plan to write, be very wary in the first few years. Pay particular attention to who you trust, and constantly doubt everyone’s motives. Intense grief makes one vulnerable. I had people take advantage of me in so many different ways in the first few years of my grief journey. They included friends, family, and trusted individuals. Those with a dishonest heart will see an opportunity, and you won’t know what’s coming because of the cloud of grief.

Solace by The Lake

So there it is. Another year has passed. I can’t say I have much to show for it except for the clarity and maybe a better grip on my life. I know more of what I want, don’t want, and will tolerate. Oh, the book—yeah, then there is that. Incidentally, I’m learning the business of promotion and advertising. I haven’t made a million dollars yet.

As for my anniversary, I spent my day on the beach, one of the best places on earth. Some of the following day was spent there too. Then, on Sunday, I watched one of the most amazing sunrises. It always brings me peace, and this year was no different.

Enjoy the photos 🙂

Thanks for reading. –xxooC

me at the dunes in indiana a grief journey
sunrise at the dunes a grief journey
sunrise at the dunes
a dune on the beach
the dunes beach facing chicago
the beach at the dunes a grief journey
Grief, Thoughts and Notes

Twenty-one Days: Cherishing Moments and Memories

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21 DAY REWIND

June 14th, 2020 was a Sunday. I will be stuck in this moment for the rest of my life whether I want to or not. Strange how trauma does that to the mind. As this anniversary is rapidly approaching, so goes my train of thought into a rewind. My brain seems to be repeating roughly the last twenty-one days every year now, as I will explain in greater detail. I started writing about this subject over a week ago. I had this great article ready to go, and then I reread it and realized how sanitized it was. It barely glossed over what I am feeling. Somehow, for some reason, as reality starts to set in more and more, the gut punches are coming more frequently. This. is. reality.

As I said, every year at this time has proven to be a rewind. Ever since the first anniversary in 2021, I have found myself instinctively counting down roughly the last twenty-one days. Week by week, day by day, moment by moment. All are crystal clear. I obsessively look at the calendar, too. I really don’t need to anymore; somehow, I just know, but I still look.

TWENTY-ONE DAYS OF LIFE

The impact of these memories extends beyond my own experience, affecting our daughter, her husband, and our grandsons. They, too, carry the weight of the bittersweet remembrances, feeling the absence of a beloved husband, father, and grandfather. The significance of these twenty-one days ripples through our family, intertwining our lives with a shared sense of joy, love, and loss. Our daughter was married exactly eight days before. Her last memories are of him walking her down to her future husband and all of us at their house celebrating. We drove home on Sunday.

We decided to rip up the carpet in the living room, and finally, after visiting what I think was every home store in the BloNo area, we picked out a hardwood. I was supposed to order it on Monday. Thursday, we did go to the nursery, which had been on the to-do list for a while. He picked out a beautiful fire maple tree for the front yard. It was to replace the existing maple, which was infested with spider mites. He didn’t live to see it planted the following Wednesday morning. These days will hold significance in my heart as they are so vivid, monumental, and emotionally charged. They mark the very last moments, the very last days, and the very last memories I have of my husband on this earth.

new fire maple in front yard
old maple in front yard

THE IMPORTANCE OF THESE DAYS

We were a few months into quarantine. Living in a cul-de-sac, the neighborhood had started meeting up in the street for drinks, music, and social interaction. The importance of the last twenty-one days lies in their inexplicable significance. Things were decisively different then. This was a different time. I remember these days so clearly as they were the last moments spent with my husband. While the reason behind the specific number of days when this rewind starts remains a mystery to me, this time and memories have imprinted themselves on my mind, and the intensity of these memories serves as a reminder of the deep impact they’ve had on not just my life but every life he touched. Those moments will stay with me forever.

So much happened in those last few weeks. Or again, maybe it’s just because I remember them so clearly. Sunsets were his thing. He loved them so much in our new house. He was always home for the good ones. The best, and his last was on the eighth. The bittersweet nature of these memories encapsulates a mix of joy and sorrow, each intertwined with the other.

sunset in normal, illinois twenty-one days
THE IMPACT OF THESE MEMORIES

I navigate a complex tapestry of emotions as I reflect on these twenty-one days. Cherishing and celebrating the love and memories, while acknowledging the pain of loss, holds a profound importance. As I also navigate the emotions tied to those twenty-one days each year and the years to come, I am reminded of the huge space my husband filled and now the huge hole that is left. It’s a time to honor the love we shared, as well as the lasting imprint my husband left on our hearts. While the weight of loss may linger, I must also find the strength to let it go, and I’m seeing this more clearly now than ever.

While the trauma will always be with me, I’m seeing I have to go on without him. As each year and each milestone keeps passing me by, I keep thinking it will get easier, but it doesn’t. I just learn something new about myself and figure out new ways to cope. But make no mistake, it never gets easier.

I rarely speak for my late husband, although I feel like I know him better than anyone. In these moments, I try to imagine what he would say to me. Above all, he was my cheerleader and always wanted to see me happy, so I let my heart be my guide. Somehow I always know he would approve.

Thanks for reading. I love you all. –xxooC

just me
Thoughts and Notes, Writing Prompts

Self-Publishing Journey: Overcoming Challenges & Celebrating Rewards

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book mock up of the narcissistic tangle self-publishing journey

I didn’t know it then, but this self-publishing journey began several years ago. When I first started journaling my deepest, darkest thoughts in 2020, it wasn’t until about eight months later that a book started to shape in my mind. That one is still yet to be written, but I have taken that energy and embarked on a totally new direction.

Writing has always been many things to me: relaxing, enjoyable, exciting, and, of course, confusing and sad at times. However, the excitement and rush leading up to publication have just been overwhelming at times.

The Writing Process

The inspiration behind my first book is simple. As I was learning the self-publishing process, my mentors kept going back to “stick with what you know” for your first publications. Their thoughts were that it is easier to get through the process while not having to learn about a whole new subject. I studied psychology in college and found it fascinating. Although I ended up majoring in something else, it has always been a subject I wanted to learn more about. I chose the subject matter in my first book because there is more relevant talk around it in today’s society, and self/mental health is something I’m deeply passionate about.

The writing process for a book is completely different than that for a blog article. Not only is a lot of research involved, but it takes a heck of a lot longer to complete. Organizing one’s thoughts is also a major challenge. However, in the end, being on this side of the process is also more rewarding. 

Bringing a written word creation to life from a tiny spark of imagination is beyond thrilling, to say the least; however, I’ll warn you that the journey is an emotional rollercoaster. There were many times I doubted if I wanted to continue, and many more times I doubted myself. What got me through those moments was my belief in myself (I can do anything!) and making myself sit down and get shit done. Some days, I was pleased with my results, others not, but the good days trumped the bad by far.

Navigating the Self-Publishing Process

My book is self-published, which means I am doing everything myself. I have no large firm or corporation helping me do anything. This is why I chose the platform I did. It’s very straightforward for small, independent writers like myself. Getting my book in front of readers is a matter of strategy and hard work, which I am also prepared to do.

Getting ready to publish is definitely a process outside of launch prep. There is proofreading, copyright, book description, author setup (I went with a pen name because honestly…who can really pronounce Jaremczuk???), cover design, formatting, and much more I can’t think of.

Of course, as with any new endeavor, there were unexpected challenges and pleasant surprises along the way. Although I could do everything myself, I chose to farm out some of the work I knew would take me longer than I wanted to spend. I was smart enough to realize that someone more experienced could do it better than me, like my cover design. However, I was shocked to find out deadlines are merely a suggestion to some, but hey, that’s how this business roles, or so I am learning. On the contrary, I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly some aspects come together. I could create additional writing avenues once this book concept was firmly built, and now I have a companion workbook on its way, along with ideas for more books! 

Launch and Reception

My launch strategy is simple; with all the training and info I’ve received, I didn’t have one at all. To be honest, I’ve had a rough couple of months, both mentally and emotionally, and getting this book finished was beyond difficult. Could I have done more? Of course I could. Right now, I feel like I’ve completely dropped the ball, but it’s never too late to get started.

Friends and colleagues have provided very positive initial feedback as of this writing. I’m hoping the general public will also be impressed.

I truly can’t describe the feeling I had seeing my book available for download and purchase. I decided to put all three formats up at once because I’m two months overdue from my original deadline. After looking at the calendar, I wanted to promote it over the upcoming holiday, so offering all three now just makes sense.

Lessons Learned

I got a lot of stuff wrong on my first try, which was frustrating. I also got a little bit right, which was exhilarating. For example, I spent three days just researching how to write a great book description in 300 words. I found that I could do it, but I will pay someone to do it next time. I don’t enjoy it all. Lesson learned. Outlines are the same. They are difficult for me. I like to leave that to AI actually. Say what you want about AI, but the proofreading and writing tools save much time if used properly. AI can write better meta descriptions than I can all day, any day!

My advice to any aspiring authors out there or to anyone considering self-publishing is to get a mentor. There is nothing like picking someone’s brain who has done this many times before you. That’s it for advice. Oh, and don’t beat yourself up; just keep going. Move toward the goal line; even if it’s just one step, that’s still a step taken.

Conclusion

In conclusion, my experience with my first book has been an enlightening and challenging journey. I couldn’t have done it alone, and I’ve learned a tremendous amount of knowledge about the actual steps and creation process. Getting here has been so rewarding.

My blog resulted in the idea of a book, and for that, I have to thank you, my readers. Without you, none of this would have been possible or taken shape. So, thank you to everyone reading this. I truly appreciate every single one of you.

If you want to check out my book, you can find it here: https://amzn.to/3K2NSL7. It’s free to Kindle Unlimited Readers for a couple of months, and then it’s $4.99. If you are serious about reading it and would like an exclusive copy, send me an email at bluewidowpublishing@gmail.com, and I have a treat for you.

If you have self-published or published anything or are thinking about writing or publishing, I want to hear about your experiences. You can reach me at my email or comment below. I look forward to hearing your story. 

Thanks for reading. I love you all –xxooC