I’ve been asking myself the same question for some time, “Where do I go from here?” It’s also a question I never really have an answer for. I had a different yet familiar sort of conversation today about finding a path after loss. At work of course, and she was a recent widow. She was out and about with her support person, the friend who had been there with her, through it all.

They were giggling as she talked her friend into buying a costly handbag while she confessed her friend had just caused her to spend an obscene amount on new furniture. The whole situation was very reminiscent of a time not long ago in my past. Although my path led me to a different end, I found myself engulfed in her story and how this widow got to where she was, as she seemed extremely content and at peace. I had to know more.

Two Choices, A Shared Purpose

I was enthralled as this new conversation unfolded. Her trauma was sudden, just like mine although her’s was much newer. She was recently widowed and decided to keep her house. She felt it necessary to continue with the improvements she and her late husband had discussed doing. It was a commitment she was holding, and somehow, I admired that and felt it in my soul because I had contemplated that same dilemma.

When Eric died, I initially thought, “I’ll pay off the house, stay here, and continue this new life we had begun together. I’ll do all the things we wanted to do to the house.” Because ironically, we too had unfinished plans for our house. I was going to order new flooring we had just picked out three days before. That same day, we purchased a new tree for the front yard.

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I learned this new widow had just replaced the flooring on her second floor. The furniture, well, she and her husband wanted to completely re-do the second floor. It all seemed so surreal, I was talking to myself in another universe, in another life—both equal and opposite endings. Ultimately, I chose a different path because, as destiny has it, we are different individuals in entirely different scenarios. Each small difference in each other is influencing and guiding our different paths forward. Both are valid, and both are healing in their own respective nature.

Admiring Strength In A Different Path

I admire this woman. I never asked her her name, and she never asked mine. We didn’t have “that” sort of connection, although we had a mutual admiration for each other and our different decisions. We had both found our paths after a very devastating loss. We understood that although we were faced with some of the very same choices, our paths ultimately led us in different directions in the wake of our loss. She has children and grandchildren, and her large house is still usable. Although I have a child and grandchildren, it is a great distance away and wouldn’t be of any benefit to me.

So I let it go to rebuild a different life. One of less. In a different city. One of more substance with a minimalistic nature. It doesn’t make mine any less, just different. And it suits me fine.

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We are both validated in our loss and comforted in the reminders we keep. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; we have to decide what is best for each of us and try to move forward. That’s the thing about grief, sometimes it’s forward, sometimes it’s backward, sometimes it is neither, but we must move with time.

Universality Of Grief

This encounter isn’t the first I’ve had with other widows. I’ve written about them before, but this one was quite different. I learned so much from this conversation. In that moment, we were bonded in the shared experience of finding a path after loss. She was so positive and upbeat for being so fresh into her journey, and I admired that as well. We both face so many challenges, such as fear, loneliness, and uncertainty about our futures; however, we have support. Something not every survivor has, and that is the unfortunate fact.

In the end, we all have to use our intuition and make the decisions that are best for us.

Thanks for reading. –xxooC