Blue Widow Chronicles

From loss to living. This is my story.


Feeding My California Love

How My California Love Started

My love for California started six years ago. I flew in to Ontario airport for the Nocturnal Wonderland Festival in the hills outside San Bernardino. The drive to the hotel was almost an hour. I remember thinking the landscape looked similar to Las Vegas but then it didn’t. That weekend changed my life because of the magic that happened there in the Glen Helen Amphitheater. Since then I have journeyed back to San Bernardino four more times.

Over the past year, I drove to Redding twice. Once for another festival and then just to go. For the festival, I drove from Redding to San Bernardino and back. It was a trip of a lifetime and again, magic happened. During this trip I fell deeper in love with California. Since then I have since longed to see more of this beautiful state.

The Los Angeles Tourist

Last month I flew to Los Angeles for the Tattoo Convention in Pamona, CA. From there I took a three day trip to LA and San Francisco. Let me tell you I saw so many sights in those three days my head was overwhelmed. I am so happy and grateful just to take it all in.

I know I will not get to these in the order I visited but each was super special. First stop was Venice Beach where breakfast at the Sidewalk Cafe was simply something out of a movie. Which by the way, I caught the filming of a movie and a commercial. I have no idea what they were, but I am excited to see if I ever come across them in real life.

From there I walked the beach to the pier and back. The ocean smell filled the air. Muscle beach and the skate park distinctly stood out among the landscape. I saw lots of smaller attractions like the world’s smallest front yard and the Venice city sign at the entrance on Windward Avenue. I keep reminding myself, more photos, more photos.

More California Love in LA

Then it was on to Rodeo Drive. I didn’t shop but I did walk it. So many places to see in such a short time. A quick stop at the Original Farmers Market in The Grove. Michelina had the best sweet snack before heading to the original Cookies Dispensary on Melrose Avenue.

Melrose included more shopping but I won’t bore you with those details because next was West Hollywood and the walk of fame. Grauhman’s Chinese Theater was so intriguing. Moments marked in time by present and passed individuals that somehow left their mark on this city’s entertainment industry.

The trip wouldn’t be complete without the Hollywood sign and of course a Beverly Hills street sign. My last stop before heading to San Francisco, was the Public Art “Urban Light” exhibit next to the Museum of Art. The light exhibit there was the backdrop of some of Gucci’s street show last year so I had to visit. This concluded Monday and Tuesday morning.

Leaving Los Angeles

The drive to San Francisco was about five and a half hours long. The scenery on Interstate 5 was familiar until 580. I feel like Northern California has a distinct vibe that is much different than Southern California. I had that “aha” moment again like “why have I not been here before?” I find my internal dialogue saying that a lot.

I5 north of san francisco

My Short Stay in San Francisco

San Francisco was a lot to take in. Again, I wish I had taken more photos. My host and gracious guide made sure I saw the important places including The Golden Gate Bridge, Chinatown, and the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood.

One of the highlights was when I stopped for some fruit at the Haight Street Market. Next door to the market was a red building. I noticed about five people stopping to take photographs so I took one also. Later I learned this was The Red House. The site of Jimi Hendrix apartment while he lived in San Francisco in the 60’s.

I’m absolutely positive I’m leaving some places out. My time in lovely city was less than 24 hours but it left it’s mark on me. The city has a vibe I’ve never felt any place else I have ever been.

So that’s it for now. I hope you enjoyed the trip with me. Please comment, ask questions, all that stuff. Love you all. xxooC

sweet treats in LA's Farmer's Market

2 responses to “Feeding My California Love”

  1. I spent a week in San Francisco’. I loved it. We rode the trolley to Fisherman’s Whatf every day! I had Leslie Ruth and my friend Donna with me. Your journey is exciting! Please be safe! We all love you!❤️

    1. I would love to go back and spend more time there! I love you too❤️

Tell Me Something Good

About Me and My Grief Journey

My grief journey began in the Summer of 2020. I became a widow overnight. Without warning, my entire life was turned upside down, broken into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. Writing became my anchor—my way to breathe, process, and heal, even in small, fractured moments.

After losing Eric, I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, and an anxiety disorder. For a long time, I was paralyzed by my own emotions. I traveled across the U.S. for over two years, mostly alone, learning how to carry myself through the aftermath of sudden loss.

Along the way, I found love again. Greg became an important part of my life, bringing companionship, laughter, and even new challenges. Losing him to suicide has been another unimaginable heartbreak that shapes much of what I write here. Through it all, my emotional support animals —Odin (dog) and Freija (cat)— keep me grounded and remind me there is still love, life, and care to give.

I moved and now reside in Chicago, Illinois. This city, this home, is my space to rebuild, to grieve, and to explore who I am beyond loss.

What you will find here

This blog started as a place to house my writing. Over time, it’s become much more. Here, I reflect on grief, healing, and the messy, beautiful, often difficult journey of life after sudden loss. I write about my day-to-day experiences, the struggles and triumphs with my diagnoses, and anything else that captures my heart and attention.

My journey on podcasts

Many of my articles are available in podcast form on Spotify and Amazon Music. I welcome your comments—I love feedback. Let’s share this journey together, and maybe find adventure along the way.

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