Blue Widow Chronicles

From loss to living. This is my story.


The Blue Widow
The Blue Widow
@bluewidowrising@thebluewidowchronicles.com

Hi there, welcome to my site. I’ve been on a journey to find myself and my soul again since summer of 2020. Moving past grief is a strange thing and two steps forward can lead to three steps back.

I grew up in Kentucky but now I’m traveling most of the time. I have a 20 year old cat named Lucy that has become very needy in her late years. She is my constant companion.

There you have the basics. Oh, and I usually don’t edit my photos unless I have to. Feel free to read, comment, ask questions, and connect.

120 posts
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  • Place-Anchored Grief: Returning Home

    (Note) *Place-anchored grief is when grief is tied to a place. Deferred grief is exactly what it sounds like. I wanted to give these contexts before continuing. A Healing Holiday The holidays have come and gone. I just arrived back at the apartment after two and a half weeks away. Two of those weeks were…

  • Alone But Not Abandoned

    Releasing Control I worked a white magic spell a few days ago. Nothing dramatic. No expectation that it would fix anything. Just an intention to release what I can not control and find peace in that knowing. I didn’t expect much to come from it, especially this soon. But yesterday and today have been the…

  • The Ritual of Letting Go and Keeping What Matters

    Coming Home to a Space That Feels Different Now I came home yesterday and walked into my apartment. It felt different. Not better or worse, just heavier in some places and strangely calm in others. Like the walls remembered what happened here and were waiting for me to say something about it. I kept grounding…

  • When Home Isn’t a Place Anymore

    This morning, I walked through my daughter’s house and caught glimpses of my late husband Eric in photos. Pictures of him, frozen in time. It’s strange how someone who was once my entire world can now feel so far away, like he belongs to another version of me I can barely access. Another lifetime. Another…

  • Living Minute by Minute: How Grief Rearranges Time

    Journal Entry I made it to Kentucky yesterday, and for the first time in weeks, I feel like I’m sitting inside a tiny bubble where I don’t have to carry everything. I don’t have Odin and Freija depending on me. I’m not surrounded by reminders or tasks or the weight of an apartment that feels…

  • The Hole That Was You

    Journal Entry I hate that you gave up on life. It hurts so badly, all the time. There are these tiny moments — little flickers — where I forget that you’re really gone. Gone gone. And in those brief moments, I feel almost whole again, like the world hasn’t shattered and left me standing in…

  • The Part That Stayed

    Journal Entry I have so much anger and rage. I hate you for making me go through this again. All you had to do was come home or call me to pick you up. That was it. What was so bad that you had to leave me like this? I love you, and now I…

  • When One Loss Reopens Another

    Layered grief is what happens when one loss sits on top of another—when old wounds are reopened by new pain, and the lines between them blur. It’s not just mourning one person. It’s mourning the parts of yourself that each loss took away. Until this past week, I wasn’t familiar with the term. While some…

  • Existing in the Echo

    Living In the Space We Shared It wasn’t something I could do with Eric. After he died, I packed up my things and had everything else boxed and stored. Then I took off on a journey that lasted more than two years. I didn’t have the strength to stay in the same space we shared.…

  • Sedona Was Waiting

    I woke up with an unusual heaviness this morning, not really understanding why. Then I looked at the calendar and remembered — this week was supposed to be our vacation. We were just about to ask for time off when he left. On his phone, I found searches for “day trips in and around Sedona.”…

  • Their Absence, My Presence

    Some mornings arrive differently — heavy, familiar, or impossibly quiet. Grief has a way of circling back, reminding me of all that’s been lost and all that somehow still remains. Today was one of those mornings. This morning I woke with a heaviness in my chest and a sad heart. I remembered the last time…

  • Liminal Space

    Journal Entry — Nov 3rd, 2025 Our souls connected in a time and place when I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted or where I was headed. I only knew that I couldn’t continue on the path I was on. Then Greg came into my life and showed me something different—something that felt…