More Success and Defining

September 28, 2023

The Early Years

When I was ridiculously young, I equated material things to more success. No matter what I had, I always wanted better and more. Once in my twenties, I hung out with a group that all owned their own businesses. To me that was highly successful. I learned a lot from them in a short time. Being successful to them meant freedom. Then once I had my own business, I still didn’t feel successful enough. The craving for more everything was always present.

Loss is Not Failure

I wrote about this before. More recently, as I’ve been trying to practice gratitude, I keep coming back to how I felt earlier in life vs. how I feel now. Going from having a lot of things to living a minimalistic lifestyle, I have shed the notion of material things as a sign of successfulness. In doing this, I also shed what defines my success. Losing all that I did in my life didn’t seem like a failure but just that, a loss. So I had to look at what was still there, present, in my life.

When my husband died a few years ago, I was completely in awe by the tributes written to him. He truly changed people’s lives. Although he didn’t know it, and we didn’t see it at the time. My husband had an unrecognized level of achievement both personally and professionally. We had the big house, he had the great job, and both of us were in a better place in our lives than ever before. So I asked myself, does this mean success?

Measuring Success

Well, sort of but not exactly. I’m beginning to believe success is in direct relation to being content in the moment. At the moment he died, we had achieved a lot, but didn’t consider ourselves successful. Now I’m beginning to understand the defining measure of success in life to me, is in how I actually measure it. Furthermore, my measuring may be completely different than anyone else.

To me, it now has nothing to do with materialism but rather the feeling I have when I look around my life. Am I successful? Well sort of but again, not exactly. The definition of success is “The achieving of results wanted or hoped for.” So maybe I can have success without claiming my life successful. A new concept for me.

What do I feel successful about in my life right now, in this moment? I’m successful at surviving three years after my husband’s sudden death. I’m successful at rejoining a bit of life and experiencing some joy. My professional success is still a work in progress. Claiming success on some levels in my life seem realistic now. I’m not sure I will ever have complete success but rather contentment within certain important areas.

Final Yet Evolving Thoughts

So as I keep moving and growing through these next chapters of my life, I am reminded of how far I’ve come. My way of defining personal success has changed drastically through my experiences and reflections. Yes I know some of it just comes with age and experience in life but still. Now I believe success is in the perspective. And just like grief, is an individual experience. I’ll continue to evolve and grow while setting new goals for myself.

I want to hear from you. Have your views on success changed? How successful do you consider yourself? How do you measure your own personal success?

Thanks for reading. –xxooC

Thoughts and Notes, Uncategorized

#achievements, #materialism, #peace, #success, #widow

Tell Me Something GoodCancel reply

About Me and My Grief Journey

My grief journey began in the Summer of 2020. I became a widow overnight. Without warning, my entire life was turned upside down, broken into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. Writing became my anchor—my way to breathe, process, and heal, even in small, fractured moments.

After losing Eric, I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, and an anxiety disorder. For a long time, I was paralyzed by my own emotions. I traveled across the U.S. for over two years, mostly alone, learning how to carry myself through the aftermath of sudden loss.

Along the way, I found love again. Greg became an important part of my life, bringing companionship, laughter, and even new challenges. Losing him to suicide has been another unimaginable heartbreak that shapes much of what I write here. Through it all, my emotional support animals —Odin (dog) and Freija (cat)— keep me grounded and remind me there is still love, life, and care to give.

I moved and now reside in Chicago, Illinois. This city, this home, is my space to rebuild, to grieve, and to explore who I am beyond loss.

What you will find here

This blog started as a place to house my writing. Over time, it’s become much more. Here, I reflect on grief, healing, and the messy, beautiful, often difficult journey of life after sudden loss. I write about my day-to-day experiences, the struggles and triumphs with my diagnoses, and anything else that captures my heart and attention.

My journey on podcasts

Many of my articles are available in podcast form on Spotify and Amazon Music. I welcome your comments—I love feedback. Let’s share this journey together, and maybe find adventure along the way.

Blue Widow Chronicles