Managing The Widow Brain

March 4, 2023

Widow Brain and The Fog is Real

I often go back through photos to remind myself what I was doing a year or two years ago. Widow brain and brain fog is a real thing. Settling down to one place for a while has me reminiscing more than I ever have since Eric left. Managing to amass so many pictures of places I’ve been and things I’ve done seems overwhelming sometimes. I do miss traveling. There was a sense of calm just being alone on the road.

Many times I’ve heard about widow brain and brain fog. From what I’ve read, it typically lasts up to a year. Mine has lasted much longer due in part to experiencing complicated grief and PTSD. But what exactly are these things? Brain fog is a result of the grief trauma. The mind simply can not process what has happened. And while the symptoms may have commonalities, each individual is different and will have different experiences. This results in mental and physical unintended side effects of grief. As the brain processes and tries to heal, widow brain can result. For me, it’s like walking around in a daze sometimes. I was unable to process time. Mostly living in the moment, I lacked the ability to think very far ahead in terms of weeks, days, or even hours sometimes.

The Traveling Fog

I decided to spend my fog in happy places. My body was in the most beautiful settings yet mind wasn’t there. I’m finding it harder and harder to really remember what I was doing but I definitely remember how I felt. Mostly empty. Searching. Confused. Fortunately I had my people along the way that helped save me. Now I see from what. From myself.

Looking at photos gives me so many mixed emotions. Sometimes I am sad that I can’t remember the moment better. Disappointed I couldn’t have lived in them just a bit longer. More grief because that moment in time is gone and either I didn’t appreciate it enough, or I just existed there. Other feelings are exitement I experienced this space. Grateful for the people I was able to experience it with. Thankful I could even go at all.

Coming Out of The Fog?

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the past two and half years is that I am resilient. I didn’t know I was but I guess still being here and healing is a reflection of that. Inside, I’m starting to put everything together slowly. Time doesn’t stop. My mind will never completely heal though. On the outside I may have my shit together but inside, I’m still a grieving mess. I’ve come to terms that I always will be even though coping may get a little easier.

Somehow I get a daily reminder of this. Working has been challenging. Some days I’m just not up to the mental task. Sometimes simply coping with increased anxiety becomes so terrifyingly overwhelming. I take moments to pull my mind together. Especially when I have multiple tasks with a deadline to meet. I have to remind myself I am not the overachiever I used to be. Just doing my best has to be good enough because at the end of the day, a job is what I do. A job is not who I am. My sanity is worth more. Taking time to take care for myself has become so very important.

I don’t think I realized that by traveling and taking the “me” time, I was taking care of myself. Now I have to find other ways. What are some ways you take care of yourself, either mentally or physically?

Thanks for reading! xxooC

Destinations, Thoughts and Notes

#brainfog, #findingpeace, #grief, #grieftrauma, #travel, #widow, #widowbrain, #widowchronicles

One response to “Managing The Widow Brain”

What NOT to Expect in Mourning – Blue Widow Chronicles

April 2, 2023 at 9:46 am

[…] process was completely driven by the intense emotions I was feeling. I definitely wasn’t clear headed. Nothing meant anything to me and material possessions from a life I no longer had were worthless. […]

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About Me and My Grief Journey

My grief journey began in the Summer of 2020. I became a widow overnight. Without warning, my entire life was turned upside down, broken into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. Writing became my anchor—my way to breathe, process, and heal, even in small, fractured moments.

After losing Eric, I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, and an anxiety disorder. For a long time, I was paralyzed by my own emotions. I traveled across the U.S. for over two years, mostly alone, learning how to carry myself through the aftermath of sudden loss.

Along the way, I found love again. Greg became an important part of my life, bringing companionship, laughter, and even new challenges. Losing him to suicide has been another unimaginable heartbreak that shapes much of what I write here. Through it all, my emotional support animals —Odin (dog) and Freija (cat)— keep me grounded and remind me there is still love, life, and care to give.

I moved and now reside in Chicago, Illinois. This city, this home, is my space to rebuild, to grieve, and to explore who I am beyond loss.

What you will find here

This blog started as a place to house my writing. Over time, it’s become much more. Here, I reflect on grief, healing, and the messy, beautiful, often difficult journey of life after sudden loss. I write about my day-to-day experiences, the struggles and triumphs with my diagnoses, and anything else that captures my heart and attention.

My journey on podcasts

Many of my articles are available in podcast form on Spotify and Amazon Music. I welcome your comments—I love feedback. Let’s share this journey together, and maybe find adventure along the way.

Blue Widow Chronicles