Blue Widow Chronicles

From loss to living. This is my story.


Liminal Space

pathway in columbus park

Journal Entry — Nov 3rd, 2025

Our souls connected in a time and place when I was lost. I didn’t know what I wanted or where I was headed. I only knew that I couldn’t continue on the path I was on. Then Greg came into my life and showed me something different—something that felt stable, something that felt like home. Feelings I thought were lost and I would never be able to recapture.

Our time together was often tumultuous. There were times that were unbearable for both of us. But one truth was clear, we always sought comfort in one another. In the quiet discussions of the morning coffees, eating together, or just sitting, I now look back and I think he brought me through a liminal space—an in-between world. One I was stuck in but wasn’t meant to stay in forever. A space I had to pass through. Maybe he wasn’t meant to stay either.

There was such duality in him. The person I saw was so full of hope and life, yet he was also self-loathing and chaotic. He was joy and pain all at once. When things were still and quiet, I could see the gentleness in his heart. I think I fell in love with that version of him—the one who dreamed, who believed we could rebuild something beautiful out of all our brokenness.

Through him, I learned how to live again. All that I had learned before—especially through losing Eric—didn’t prepare me for saying goodbye to Greg in the way I had to. But even in the tragedy, there were gifts. He reminded me how to smile again. How to feel wanted. How to dance in the living room and not care who was watching. He showed me that life doesn’t always need to be so serious, and that sometimes, if we just let go, we can still find small miracles waiting for us in unexpected places.

I meant it when I told him he brought me back to life. He did. And while I wish, down to my broken core, that it hadn’t ended this way, I’m still here. I’m learning that the love, the laughter, and even the chaos all became part of my story. They live in me now, just like the parts of Eric that never left.

Maybe Greg’s purpose was to help me bridge the gap between who I was after losing Eric and who I’m still becoming. Maybe he and I met to help each other remember that love, no matter how fragile or fleeting, can still change us in the deepest of ways.


*Note: I’ve always been a huge proponent of affirmations. I now use them daily to ground, remind myself I’m still here, and to just get me through the pain.


Closing Reflection & Affirmation

I honor the love that was, the lessons that came, and the parts of myself I found through it all.
Both Eric and Greg touched my life in ways that shaped who I am today — and even though their absence feels unbearable at times, the love remains.
It lives in my heart, in the way I care for others, in the way I keep choosing to breathe, to move, to feel.

I am still here.
I am still learning.
And even in this space of grief, I am growing roots again.

Today, I will let myself rest in the truth that I have survived love and loss before, and I will again.
I carry their memory with gratitude, not a weight, but as a quiet light guiding me toward peace.


Thanks for reading. I love you all –xxooC

Tell Me Something Good

About Me and My Grief Journey

My grief journey began in the Summer of 2020. I became a widow overnight. Without warning, my entire life was turned upside down, broken into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together. Writing became my anchor—my way to breathe, process, and heal, even in small, fractured moments.

After losing Eric, I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief, and an anxiety disorder. For a long time, I was paralyzed by my own emotions. I traveled across the U.S. for over two years, mostly alone, learning how to carry myself through the aftermath of sudden loss.

Along the way, I found love again. Greg became an important part of my life, bringing companionship, laughter, and even new challenges. Losing him to suicide has been another unimaginable heartbreak that shapes much of what I write here. Through it all, my emotional support animals —Odin (dog) and Freija (cat)— keep me grounded and remind me there is still love, life, and care to give.

I moved and now reside in Chicago, Illinois. This city, this home, is my space to rebuild, to grieve, and to explore who I am beyond loss.

What you will find here

This blog started as a place to house my writing. Over time, it’s become much more. Here, I reflect on grief, healing, and the messy, beautiful, often difficult journey of life after sudden loss. I write about my day-to-day experiences, the struggles and triumphs with my diagnoses, and anything else that captures my heart and attention.

My journey on podcasts

Many of my articles are available in podcast form on Spotify and Amazon Music. I welcome your comments—I love feedback. Let’s share this journey together, and maybe find adventure along the way.

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